the results are in...

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Day 15 answer: No Dove



Well everyone, the results are in, and the winner of Dove or No Dove and the fabulous prize package is.... ANONYMOUS! Whoever thought they would be better off answering anonymously was not correct because now I can't prove who the clear winner is, and that/those person(s) can't get the fabulous prizes. No Dove for you! Thanks to all of you who played, or at least prayed about playing, and we'll see you next time on (say it together everyone) DOVE or NO DOVE!!!

p.s. As far as official entries are concerned, Chad and Jami were tied with 3 correct answers a piece, but sorry to say, there is no consolation prize. Maybe next year...

day 15

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Day 14 answer: Dove



Day 15: All I want for Christmas is you.

day 14

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Day 13 answer: No Dove



Day 14: Spending time is a greater gift than spending money.

day 13

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Day 12 answer: No Dove



Day 13: Holidays are better when shared with friends.

day 12

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Day 11 answer: No Dove for you!

Come on now, you know you want to play....



Day 12: Bring in da noise, bring in da Christmas.

day 11

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Day 10 answer: Dove



Day 11: Outside the snow is falling and friends are calling "yoo hoo."

day 10

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Day 9 answer: No Dove



Day 10: Joy is contagious.

day 9

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Day 8 answer: Dove



Day 9: 'Tis the season for warmth and love.

day 8

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Day 7 answer: Dove



Day 8: Always give from the heart.

day 7

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PLAY MY GAME!!!


Day 6 answer: No Dove



Day 7: Your presence is often the best present.

day 6

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Day 5 answer: Dove



Day 6: Holidays are the best days.

day 5

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Day 4 answer: No Dove
I am so good at fooling you!



Day 5: Promise yourself some relaxing holiday moments.

day 4

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Should I just give the prize package to Kim? She seems to be the only one that's serious about taking a shot at it. Oh wait, you have other things to do besides just read and respond to my blog? Interesting....


Day 3 answer: No Dove ha ha! gotcha suckaz!



Day 4: It is in giving we get the best gift.

day 3

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Day 2 answer: Sadly, No Dove



Day 3: Treat everyday as a new day.

day 2

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Day 1 answer: Dove




Day 2: Hey Santa! Do you like Gumbo?

NEW GAME!!!

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So, I've decided to play a little holiday game. Starting December 10 and (hopefully) everday until Christmas Day, I will post a new comment. It is your job as my faithful readers, to leave a comment on my blog as to whether or not you think my comment of the day is from a Dove chocolate wrapper or a quote from somewhere/one else (a.k.a. no Dove). Respond with "Dove" or "No Dove" each day, and come back to my blog the following day to read the previous day's answer and see that day's new comment. After Christmas Day is finished, I will tally each reader's score, and the winner will win a fabulous prize package worth an undisclosed amount of money. Ready, set, GO!!


Day 1: Friendship is a gift in itself.

ham + jesus + taurus = ghetto

1. by popular demand, i shall speak of the "ham" story. a couple sunday's ago i went to cracker barrel with kim and chad after church (insert shortened side note that my boyfriend forgot i got out of church at 10:30 instead of the usual noon-ish and also forgot to tell me that he wanted to take me to lunch instead of me going to cracker barrel until after i was already at the c.b., but whatever). i was really in the mood for breakfast food though, so we waited patiently for 40 minutes or so among the fake but freakishly real looking apple pie candles, kitchen utensils, holiday decor, figurines, and tractor memorabilia until we got our table. note to yourself, i delight in breakfast food, but i decided to just get something small as i was to adventure into the exciting world of chili's with the boy who really wasn't taking me out to eat as much as taking me along with him for a free meal via the youth pastor at his church but again i say, whatever. so, i ordered an orange juice and a ham biscuit (which costed a total of $5 max). the phones and texts were a ringing because of the confusion that exists among males and females and their communication dysfunctions, i mean, differences, and kim and chad were just along for the ride. however, we all had no idea how much of a ride we were in store for until this arrived. okay, so maybe it wasn't a whole half of a ham, but the slice was mammoth and the ham bone was smiling up at me. in my utter confusion i asked if they gave me the right thing, and the man brought out 3 biscuits. still perplexed, after asking a second time, i got one of these or at least the $2.50 version. i ate quickly and got out of there, but it was an out of body experience that i suppose you had to be there for to thoroughly appreciate it.

2. jesus backed into my car as i was leaving the wendy's parking lot on my way home for thanksgiving. i assumed it was pronounced like "hey-suess" but his brother called me regarding the accident and said it was in fact jesus. who knew? i'm glad that jesus has insurance which will cover the damages. jesus saves. me money...


3. the rental car i was given while my car is in for repairs is a 2007 ford taurus fully equipped with great things like a steering wheel, gas and brake pedals, windshield wipers, and a glorious tape deck. who makes a brand new 2007 car that does not have a cd player come standard? who but the lovely owners of 1988 dodge minivans still predominately listen to cassettes? who throws a shoe? honestly!

This one's for Chad...and apparently Iggy

This post was for Chad originally, and now....Igford. Chad had told me on more than one occasion that he continued to check my blog daily, even though I haven't posted since August. That's faithfulness ladies and gentlemen, or well, gentleman, or now gentlemen. I'm confused.

ANYWAY, for my first re-entry back into blogophere, I'll give a brief explanation of my current state of being. I now have a boyfriend, and he's wonderful. I still work at the same school I worked at last year. I also currently have strep throat, and am off work for a week per doctor's orders. Thus, while I'm making my re-entry.

This being said, I have a few things that I've come across recently that I'd like to share with my peeps, or peep:

1. Sarah (my roommate) has a new favorite conversation. My boyfriend Thomas (who's Hispanic and has a different sense of humor than me) asks Sarah, "Sarah, have you seen White Chicks?" Sarah laughs every time she thinks about it. She has not seen it by the way, though Thomas recommends it to her, along with Little Man, which I succumbed to watching this weekend.

2. Two words: Jumping James. I have watched "The Price is Right" this week two times, and was introduced to Jumping James this morning. This pretty obviously gay man named James (I assume his sexual orientation because of his voice, he excessive jumping, the drama which he expressed, and the fact that he was with a group of about 20 girls, no other men) lost a car but picked up $1000, and later won his showcase showdown, which involved a car, and crystal candlesticks (which he showed interest in despite the fact that the men in the audience were booing). Congrats James - you go use those candlesticks as you cook dinner for you and your 20 women "just" friends.

3. Onto another J. "You go Joe!" That is, judge Joe Brown. I watched a couple of fascinating cases this morning. The first of which was a case where a woman was asking for money from her ex-boyfriend, and demanding that he erase or destroy a sex video he made that included her. The man's response (because she was only featured in 1 of 5 films apparently in succession) was, "Say you were watching Star Wars or something. Who wants to watch films 1 through 3 and skip number 4?" Very similar arguments I think. The second case was not a case really. The plaintiff was a web designer that obviously had his stuff together because he investigated and presented evidence against the defendant by way of pictures, finding his car emblem under his destroyed fence, finding him on myspace which had evidence, showing google aerial views of the scene, and providing a modest detailed assessment of the costs of repairing his destroyed fence and yard, etc. The defendant had absolutely no case first of all, was ironically a carpenter himself, and the best part of it was that judge Joe actually used a British accent on more than one occasion as a result of him being impressed with the investigatory journalism of the plaintiff. There's a t-shirt mentioned in the movie "When Harry Met Sally" that says, "Don't F#$% with Mr. Zero." My word is don't f#$% with a web designer's fence. It will always end up badly.

4. Oh ya, strep throat sucks. I recommend not getting it. It's much better that way, even though I've obviously been highly entertained by the educational programming I've digested this morning, as well as the exclusively low budg commercials that accompany it. It's rare times like these that I need cable. Woot Woot!

And Then There Were 3

Kim, Doug, and Igford are the only people that post comments on my blog, and who am I kidding - one of the three isn't even a real person, and all of them are probably the only beings that read my posts anyhow.

Next post will just be a long list of expletives for my sort of three friends to enjoy. That will show everyone else what they're missing out on.

Note to reader: for a small fee, I can also mention your name on this blog. Heck - you never know who could google your name and find you via that sweet hit.

Customer Service

It's interesting what you encounter when you're being served by others - here are a few stories that aren't necessarily groundbreaking, but true none-the-less:

1. My family rarely ate fast food when I was growing up (partially because we were home cooking small town people with limited options, and in part because I was a picky eater growing up and back then, fast food was not known for being fast when it came to "special" orders like mine - pre "have it your way" phase you could say). This being said, my sister, mom, and I were on our way to meet up with my grandpa and were running a little late, so we stopped at Braums for breakfast. We order through the drive through what typical fast food breakfasts are: sausage biscuits, bacon, egg and cheese biscuits, (or in my case back then) a plain biscuit with jelly because I didn't like eggs. The person in the drive through rings up our order, we drive to the window, pay, and the lady tells us it will be just a minute before our food's ready. Just a minute ended up being 15 minutes, after which the lady pops her head back out and informs us that they "don't have any biscuits" and could we please order something else. Aren't biscuits for breakfast sort of a fast food staple? Needless to say, our quick breakfast stop made us later than if we had eaten at home. ***note: this does not reflect poorly on all Braums restaurants in general - they're a great place to get ice cream and milk and other than the one in Wellington, KS, should not be looked down upon***

2. I've recently been renting movies from the Hollywood Video on Johnson Drive (NOT the Blockbuster next door to it thank you very much - punks wanted to charge me $18 for two movies that were overdue by a couple of days and I refused to pay that much money in late charges so I never went back, even when I could afford it and even though it happened over 5 years ago now; who's counting - can I get an AMEN?!) Anyway, there's this guy that works there that's quite honestly the most zealous movie store worker I've ever encountered (I've had two encounters with him that I can remember). First, this guy says an enthusiastic hello to everyone that walks in (which at first you're thinking, this is kind of a polite surprise). Then, while the customers are browsing through the selection, loud enough for the whole store to hear, he informs his coworker "WE GOT A 'Benchwarmers' IN!" to which she replies in a much more normal speaking level, "uh, thanks for letting me know?" Later, he answers the phone in an "accounts payable Nina speaking, just a moment" meets James Earl Jones as a movie announcer like voice that I didn't know existed in reality. When it comes check-out time, I've seen/heard him go into a 5 minute rivoting account about how much he thinks "In Her Shoes" is a good movie even for a chick flick, which really guys would like too and what's really amazing is that Cameron Diaz is really like 40-years-old but plays a 17-year-old in the movie and how I'm going to love it. I did really like the movie actually, though his Diaz age reference was completely false by the way, because she's at least playing a 28-year-old in the movie - it starts out with her going to her 10 year high school reunion, but whatever. The last time I was there, he proceeded to tell me that he was in a very good mood and that very few things rarely ever keep him from being upbeat and perky, with the exception being a few girls from his past, and perhaps his coworker who he asks to answer the phone as he's ringing my movies up and informing me that if she would just get off the phone with her "boo" she may be able to get some work done. FYI - this guy's maybe 20, white, and an average Johnson county-an I can assume, so why he uses "boo" as if it's common terminology for him, I'll probably never know. Thanks for the memories dude.

3. So, I went to Popeye's chicken, which has fabulous spicy chicken and wonderful cajun mashed potatoes if you're into that sort of thing, which I was this evening. So, I pull up to the drive in and order a number 3 combo with spicy chicken, a Diet Pepsi (no coke products-the main drawback to this place), with my sides of mashed potatoes and corn. This is how the conversation plays out with the lady at the drive thru:
"We no longer serve corn (3 second pause). Green beans, or macaroni and cheese."

(me, thinking that "green beans and mac/cheese" was a question and those were my other choices) "Oh, well I'll have green beans then."

"No. We no longer serve corn, green beans, or macaroni and cheese."

"Oh, I'm sorry - I misunderstood, so what are my other choices for sides then?"

"You only get one side with that combo anyway."

Why she couldn't have told me that from the beginning, I'll never know. Luckily after my 10 minute wait (not so much fast food here either), there was a very kind man working the drive thru who apologized for the wait and sent me on my way. Another favorite part of the experience: the sign that read "No Tax Weekend Special (but you have to pay tax on it)." Oxymoron or just moron? I'm still not sure yet....

But one of these people is having the best week ever….

(second grader, extremely smart and hilarious who henceforth shall be referred to as "He”): I liked this girl Tamia but I didn’t really want to tell my friends because they wouldn’t get it, and plus she doesn’t go to school here anymore. I liked three girls when I was in first grade, but it was just too much drama.

Me: Too much drama, huh?

He: Ya, this is like a soap opera school really.

Me: (laughing) It is, huh?

He: Ya, I found out this one girl liked me but she went Young and the Restless on me.

Me: (still laughing) Really. What do you mean by that?

He: Do you watch Young and the Restless ever?

Me: I've seen it before, but I don’t watch soap operas.

He: Well, my mom LOVES Young and the Restless. Anyway, see this girl said she wasn’t gonna waste her time liking me when I liked another girl.

Me: That makes sense I guess. You crack me up.

He: I try.

(later in the conversation I mention again that he makes me laugh)

He: I’m doing the best I can here, but I’ve already used the “Young and the Restless” line on ya, and I’m running out of material. I need some new lines.

the elements as they say are coming together, sir.

i pine, i plead, i parish. we all miss the days of 'yore (and i'm not refering to the time where apothecary tables reigned - think "friends") but rather the days of that tgif classic, full house. america's sweetheart jodie sweetin (the famed stephanie tanner) has gotten herself into a bit of a pickle since the show as tiffany so elequently pointed out here among other things, and if that weren't enough, it appears that the days of singing "i saw the sign" with gia and kimmy in the band are in fact dead and over. tying in with igford's (or doug's - i can't remember which) blog post here however, the beloved jodie sweetin appears to be making a "comeback" of sorts, although i don't know that her latest gig is anyone's dream job, since i bargain to say that some of you probably have had nightmares less gruesome.

the kc star tipped me off last week to not-so-sweetin's latest gig hosting the fuse network's second season of "pants off dance off" (starting july 18) in which people will be "dancing to a video in the background while undressing to their underwear." at your own risk/discretion, visit the website and join with me in thinking that being on what tv guide claimed to be "the dumbest show on t.v." is NOT a "comeback." that's got to be something you do on your way out of stardome, not on your way back in. danny tanner, where's your intervention now when she REALLY needs you? seriously.

TYOAA

The Year of Adult Adoption.

Tiffany and I both agree it would be a great political platform for someone.

Death Metal

beware of dumplings. especially ones that have an unusally shiny glow about them.

read here

the birth of cool

i feel like a complete stud today. now, for a limited time only (i can only assume) i am among the top 8 myspace friends of one of my favorite bands, the waybacks. visit HERE to see the gloriousness that is me being among some very cool people on the internet. also check out their music because if not for that (and the walnut valley festival in winfield) i would not be who or where i am today. their new album and their live album are fabulous. thanks be to God, alleluia, alleluia.

also, ask my roommates about my fabulous talents clapping moths out of existence. i'm known now as the clapper tapper. and i'm coming to a bedroom near you. no "wink wink" intended.

sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

that's a line stolen from the song "all at once" by the fray. it's a fabulous line and all too true of my current state of heart/mind. it's interesting how obedience to God in tough situations can be so freeing and set so heartbreaking at the same time. He never said the cost of following Him would be easy though. getting just a taste of the wonderful things He has in store for your future and then having to give it up to follow Him is just one of those twists in life that you hope you never have to do, but inevitably have to face. His promise is amazing - i know that He loves to give good gifts to His children and that life in His truth is the only life worth living, but that doesn't make hard times any easier. "the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. when a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field." His kingdom is worth my everything and i shall leave all i have to find Him and bring Him glory.

"Hey there cute."

(I put on my sunglasses, assuming the guy in the car next to me is just talking on his cell phone)

"Hey beautiful. You lookin' cute girl." (he's talking to me)

"Uh, hey."

"Where's he at?"

"What?" (very confused look)

"Where's your husband at?"

"I don't have a husband."

"That's too bad. You need to find yourself a husband."

"Thanks for the advice."

"I'm looking for a wife. You interested?"

(I push on the gas as the light conveniently turns green, and I roll up my window)


Thanks to the 75th street and 71 Highway stoplight for making this car window marriage proposal happen. The guy was driving a rather pimpin' red and white Suburban though....just my taste.

the rhythm is gonna get ya

i must confess that a major reason for me posting this nonsense is just so that i don't have to look at the picture of the spider when i go to my blog page anymore. i'm not even freaked out about spiders that much, but for some reason, i just cringe every time i see that. and i make some sound like "blahthathathahthah" with my tongue.

so i was at price chopper last night, and couldn't help but think that i must have a blog confession about my grocery store tendencies. i'm not really sure why music affects me the way it does, but on more than one occasion, my shopping experiences have rendered smiles and giddy girl squeals of delight thanks to the completely random music mix intermixed with "clean up on aisle two" or "today at your neighborhood price chopper, notice our sales on canned spinach. it's only 89 cents with your price chopper shopper card and is a great investment to make for your family's health." i find myself singing out loud or at least humming, and when no one is watching, even shakin' my booty a little bit, not gonna lie.

last night was no exception. i mean, where can you hear "come on shake your body baby do that conga" (gloria estefan - what a latin genius for real) which both makes me want to trill my r's in everything i say, and also wear white shorts with an americana ribbon in my hair and dip my hands and body in paint, while doing jazz hands on stage in a beauty pageant. shortly after i left the mexican food section, i found myself joyfully walking 'round the store with a strategic swaying motion to the sounds of "la bamba" and then found myself "expressing myself" out loud in song when madonna's musical directions told me to do so. real cool. i almost got caught on a few occasions, but i don't think i really would've cared that much. i mean, i'm pretty much a self-control sort of girl, and who has the right to condemn me for throwing caution to the wind once and a while.



so, bottom line, watch out. the rhythm is gonna get ya, especially if you're in a grocery store with me. next time, i think i'll spend more time in the produce section creating an exotic fruit hat and piecing together a coconut bra before continuing on with my shalinn one woman show choir tactics. that way my singing and dancing will seem more like a normal thing to do.

spider, man.

so i received my first spider of the year this morning. no, i'm not refering to an annual award for being a spider, i'm just telling you that i saw a spider this morning. i was in the shower, he was on the ceiling, avoiding my general direction i might add, which i appreciated because if he had come close to being above my head, i probably would have called out explitives in the paranoia of the possibility that he would lose his little eight legged grip and plummet down on top of my wet head. he made his way out of my sight and ventured to the opposite end of the bathroom ceiling, which i found out after i was all squeaky clean. he stayed perfectly still in that corner until i went to leave, and i noticed him parading back across the ceiling towards the still damp shower area, with baton in hand pumping to the beats of "seventy-six trombones" so i can only assume he, like me is a "music man" fan.

i left, went to my room, checking the inside of my shoes for possible little guys before placing my feet in them, for i officially need to be careful that the baby mama has not spring, sprang, sprung her offspring inside the nooks and crannies in the dark places of my belongings. ah spring. new life, new creatures lurking around every corner. by the way, my "friend" was not to be found in the bathroom when i went back less than 10 minutes later. hiding? plotting his/her attack? i'll find out i'm sure.

oh, and i just thought i'd add that i've used the phrase "nooks and crannies" in not just this post, but also the last. it's apparently becoming a signature for me. nooks and crannies, out. oh, and stay classy igford.

pressure cooker....geez

so apparently, i have some angry readers. i hadn't really noticed that i had been absent from the blog world for nearly a month, but work's been busy and i haven't had time or original thoughts ok? GET OFF MY BACK!

on a joyful note, Christ has risen! happy easter! he's got flowing hair now - much like that of fabio. why do people feel compelled to do this to the savior of the world? seriously....



now that the abrupt, awkward intro is over, i decided to post a few random "mother" musings to appease the two or three people that glance this way from time to time. time after time. thank you cindy lauper. these musings are i suppose of bewilderment, or bewilderbeast which is a pretty good album by "badly drawn boy" if you're into some experimental music, end scene.

i was driving home last week to oxford, kansas and viewing the big city's lights....wait, strike that, we don't even have any stoplights there....and was thinking how interesting my mother is. many of you that have encountered my mother or heard stories know what i refer to but here is a short list of facts. my mother is pretty obsessed with me getting married, or a least dating someone and then getting married and having babies because she doesn't want to be an "old grandma" but rather a hip, cool grandma. (she's also got this whole big plan about my parents living in a house with a pond behind it that has an island in the middle where my dad can build a fort and him and my children can paddle boat their way to the island, spend the night there and paddle boat back in the morning where my mom will have a big breakfast waiting for them.) anyway, we were discussing wedding showers because my cousin's getting married in may, and pretty much it came up that if i even went on a date with a guy, her and her co-workers would throw me a shower, no wedding necessary.

on my mother's mix cd of her favorite songs that she gave out to all of my immediate family members at Christmas, the song "mustang sally" is not just on there once, but twice.

so i'm moving in with sarah schultz in june and my mother was freaking out about the fact that i hadn't gone to look at sarah's house to fill out an inventory checklist of all of the nooks and crannies even though june is still a little ways away. this last week, she laughed in that "oh my goodness, i can't believe how irresponsible you are because you don't care about what i obsess about" way because i knew that sarah had a washer and drier but couldn't remember or didn't think to ask if she had a basement in her house. seriously. where are my priorities. oh ya, and my mom has asked me about the basement and washer/drier thing for probably a month now despite the fact that i keep giving her the same answer. who gives a rat's behind anyway? she constantly asks if sarah's house is south of I-70 too, and what her exact address is so my also obsessive aunt can drive by it to shoot out the windows, or to um, make sure it's in a safe neighborhood. who knew livin' in the 'dotte was going to be so traumatic for my family who's probably not even going to step foot inside the house except maybe once.



my mom is perhaps what's held me back from traveling by myself out of state or out of the country. trust me, she would be paranoid. i was driving from manhattan to kc on friday and she requested (on wednesday night) that i call her when i got back to kansas city so that she could know i got back okay. i'm 25 years old. cut the cord. i told her that that was ridiculous and that i wasn't going to call her. from now on, she could assume that no news was good news. i haven't talked to her since, so she probably thinks that i've moved north of I-70, am living with heathens and miscreants, listening to death metal while smokin' dope and doin' time with my deadbeat husband that i've neglected to tell her about. (see picture of my possible self in 20 years. really classy.)

Erin go bra.

Autism + St. Patrick's Day = St. Autistic's Day, a day inspired by the blessed holiday of beer drinking, getting "jiggy" wit it, and many an attractive male kissing me because I'm Irish (some of you may be thinking, isn't that most nights for you Shalinn? and to that I say, go shamrock yourself - it's none of your business, unless of course you are one of the attractive males to which I referred, in which case I'm not going to be one to complain if you decide to come around more often than on the 17th of March). St. Autistic's Day (which actually occurred for me Wednesday, Mar. 15th) was actually a day of spiritual renewal of sorts, though it probably had more to do with “Lord” Michael Flatley than the Lord Jesus Christ and those such as St. Patrick who trinitized Ireland with his shamrock analogies and the subsequent removal of snakes/Satan.

The St. Autistic that has inspired generations to come: an 11-year-old male student that's on the autism spectrum and is currently going through puberty (he's the one that said "uh, your sister, she fine!"). As of late, he's been obsessed with Axe body spray and has been coming to school drenched in its aroma, not to mention bringing it to school everyday so that the minute he loses his stench, he can dip himself in the springs of cologne and become a man once more. This particular day his fellow student was wearing Bod body spray, so along with my freakishly warm room and my personal “Very Sexy for her by Victoria’s Secret” fragrance, the smells were a flyin’ and a mixin’ in that junior high dance where everyone’s overdone it on the perfume/cologne to try and be cool and individualistic but when you’re all together sweatin’ on the dance floor you wish everyone smelled like teen spirit instead of the entire fragrance counter at Dillard’s sort of way. Pa, you taught me that the scent of a woman’s hair can drive a man WILD, but needless to say, I’ll be monitoring the mixture of fragrances before I pick those students up again because that kind of wild is uncalled for.

So, we’re talking about some St. Patrick’s Day vocabulary and the “Axe” student is having a super hard time paying attention. Of course, since his mind is one place and his natural “feelings” regarding the opposite sex of which he is not cognoscente of in the slightest because he’s pretty low cognitively, he’s silently staring at my breasts for the majority of the time, and occasionally adjusting himself. This was not overly alarming as he is not the first student I’ve dealt with that has bodily responses of which he is not aware, but I had no idea what this student’s mind would do once it actually started to almost catch up with his body’s “thoughts.” Out of no where, he picks up the paper we’re working on, sits back in his chair and starts making up a story about me that began with something like this, “Once upon a time, Miss Ginn was a lovely lady. Miss Ginn was sitting in her chair. Miss Ginn was teaching her students……..(the student goes on and on coming up with random things to say about me, and then “concludes” his story with the following)….Miss Ginn has pretty brown, I mean, what color are they? (looks) Miss Ginn has pretty sky blue eyes and she is SO beautiful….and sexy.”

What a gift. Being called sexy by an 11-year-old who barely knows up from down. Very sweet kid, means well, but comes up with the most hilariously inappropriate things that would make my friend Sarah Schultz cringe, blush and say something in her “this is awkward get me the hell out of here voice” like, “Ohhhh. That’s nice.”

I'm N Luv (Wit a Snicker)....

everybody always tends to ask me about what i do for a living, and when i try and explain to them that i'm not a teacher even though i work at an elementary school, they just get confused. and when i try to explain what a language disorder is, i get blank stares.

this being said, however, i do feel obliged to share some of the crazy-ass school quotes i have because sometimes work stories are just plain funny. here are a few of the recent doozies.

1. my coworker/friend andrew stops me in the hall today and tells me that one of his students (normally developing mind you) wrote a song this morning called "i'm n luv wit a snicker" - and she wants to bite it, chew it... a brief time later i was walking back down the hall and heard one of his other students say to the rest of the class: "HAMMER TIME!" and start doing m.c.'s shuffle dance down the hallway. classic.

2. i have a student that often has trouble behaving like he's supposed to, and in turn often acts very silly, not to mention that he has a language delay and is difficult often times to understand. yesterday, he grabs his nipples and starts saying "look at my nipples" in an effort to make the other student with him laugh. in an honest effort to try and make the student realize that having nipples does not make him special (and therefore deserve attention), i say "everyone's got nipples - not just you." his eyes got huge as he peers up at me and says "you've got them too? BOOBIES!" needless to say i was mortified at the can of worms i opened up, but luckily it quickly resolved and i was able to divert the conversation to other places, besides body parts.

3. another student of mine has this thing with saying "talk to the hand" frequently. mind you, the word hand is actually pronounced with the "ah" sound as in the name hans. this student also told me he likes to do karate and kung fu with his cousin - apparently he likes mixing british pronunciations with oriental body movements. what a combo.

4. i had a little girl student look at a picture of a black bird feather the other day and ask me if it was a burnt hot dog.

5. if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. my student that mentioned nipples in the same session kept farting. he of course finds that really funny, and would say "i fart" to draw additional attention to the behavior. oh, and this student doesn't say his /r/ sound correctly all the time. by the end of the session, i just gave up, and started saying, "it's not faht - it's fart. use your /r/ sound."

King Friday XIII said, "Ugh. Fortune cookies! Pitching bucket balls! Following balloons! What are these neighborhoods coming to?"

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood - a beautiful day for a neighbor. would you be mine, could you be mine? won't you be my neighbor?

one of my mom's favorite stories to tell about my childhood is that one day when i was 3 or 4 years old i came up to her and said, "mom, mr. rogers loves me just the way i am." now, while you're either sighing as if to say "that's so cute" or rolling your eyes thinking "you've got to be kidding me" i'll say that no, i'm not kidding you, and i've come to the realization recently that the man that changed his sweater and shoes also changed my life. no, i'm not considering a career in puppeteering and i don't plan on singing rhyming songs for my roommates in commentary style, but i'm pretty sure that i may start asking people to "be my neighbor" in a non-sexual way so watch out world.

where do these thoughts of mine come from you ask? well, the other night as i was listening to a little dave brubeck quartet in my car (jazz music for those of you unfamiliar ones) it dawned on me that i probably can attribute many things in my life to my incessant watching of pbs shows such as "mr. roger's neighborhood." case in point, my love for jazz music (which was featured frequently by papa fred), my love for dancing (see video below), my vivid imagination ("hello trolley. do we have to back to reality now?"), my random sense of humor (let's just admit that along with being sort of creepy, those puppets had some funny things to say at times), and quite honestly, my faith in Christ (heck, fred rogers was an ordained pastor).




in a coffee table book my mom gave me entitled, "the world according to mister rogers" mr. r says this: "you don't ever have to do anything sensational for people to love you. when i say 'it's you i like,' i'm talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch...that deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive: love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war, and justice that proves more powerful than greed. so in all that you do in all of your life, i wish you the strength and the grace to make those choices which will allow you and your neighbor to become the best of whoever you are."

i echo his sentiments friends and am reminded of the frequently used, genuine words of the beautiful jenny behrens when she says "i like you." i like you readers, and would also be much obliged (and probably entertained) to hear about your own childhood heroes/influences. take a stroll down memory lane and be sure to say hi to mr. mcfeely on your way.

fat or thin? and true confessions

well, first thing's first....

i probably should issue a public apology to my roommate and good friend tiffany for plagiarizing her masterpiece theatre-esque writing ability and copying her fine work and posting it on my blog, not once, but twice. although i will not reveal any names, i will say that two strapping lads put me up to it after i told them that i hadn't blogged for a while due to a lack of creativity and original thought. and, i guess i should also admit that multiple people were involved in making sure that tiff's posts would receive more comments on my blog than on her own, and well, that plan clearly succeeded. i feel very blessed to have such deceitful friends :) i did think it was weird that tiff would openly admit (through her comments) that she thought her own writing was crap and that she would say of her own thoughts "what the hell?" but then again, if you can't look at yourself and think "what the hell?" you're probably taking yourself too seriously.

next true confession - i had a truffle shuffle concrete at sheridan's tonight and it was flippin' amazing. i am a huge fruit with chocolate combination fan, but blackberries and chocolate truffle chunkits in vanilla custard? bow wow. nice dish. bow wow, delish! bulge - is that you?!

now, on with the show.................................

so today i wore my glasses for the first time in quite a while. i have day & night contacts which last for a month, but since i needed to switch out my contacts, i opted to wear my classy spectacles today. a picture of me (obviously) is below.



now, there is not much to say - or so i thought, until my friend/coworker tim made some well, interesting observations, that i must open up for opinion. so, first thing this morning when i pick up a couple of his students, tim tells me that i look smart (and i was thinking, that's because i AM smart). that comment was perfectly understandable. however, at lunch today, tim makes the comment that my glasses make my head look bigger, no wait, not bigger he corrects, thinner. so which one do you think it is? he then of course tried to say something about how he noticed the sides of my hair more, whatever that means. so, check out my sides. what you do you think?

now, if he would've said that i was sexy with my glasses on, i would have number one, said "ya right" or "you know that's sexual harassment and i don't have to take it," but at least i could've agreed with his assessment. i mean, going along with the true confessions part of this post, i do have to admit that i kind of hoped to look sexy with the whole i'm wearing glasses with my hair pulled back and wearing a blazer thing. i mean, there's probably a lot of stripper acts that start out that way. well, if not a lot, at least the strip show i put on in my room every night starts that way. was that crossing the line? tiff wouldn't think so. and thus this post comes full circle, end scene.

I'll Cry if it Saves Me Money...

I can never talk my way out of tickets, ever. Unfortunately, I have the sometimes pain in the ass characteristic of telling it how it is. The inability to lie or cry when it would be most lucrative. So I find myself saying things like. "Yeah I know why you pulled me over. I was speeding." Very matter-of-factly, with very little emotion. Well, I got pulled over...again. I was so pissed off I started crying (because it is the 3rd time I have gotten pulled over for going 36 in a 25 when I didn't know I was in a 25.) Guess who didn't get a ticket for speeding?

I have compiled a list of things that do and do not work when trying to talk your way out of tickets (most are things I have actually witnessed or used)...

Do...(obviously a lot fewer of the dos because I always get the ticket)

1. be honest, and a good conversationalist. My mom once talked her way out of 5 tickets in a month because she told the truth, and within seconds had the officer chatting up a storm. One of those times she was with my girl scout troop. She was taking us to the prison, and you better believe she had that officer engaged in conversation about the jail.

2. If you actually have tears coming, use them to your advantage.

3. If you see the opportunity to flirt, do. (Sorry men, this may not be the best solution for you)

4. Stay calm. Even if you are crying this is crucial.


Do Not...

1. Get so upset you are crying but not breathing and wailing but not talking. It is a ticket, not an injection of deadly poison.

2. Get out of your car and start running. Specifically if you are a man in a thong leopard print leotard. Ick to the nth degree. Things I don't need to see, there are lots of them in that scenario.

3.Try and argue your way out of the ticket. For instance:
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Perp: Because you are either blind or can't read your radar gun...
Cop: You were going 50 in a 20, sir/ma'am.
Perp: No I wasn't. The road was slippery and I was on a hill. My brakes weren't working, and I think I am coming down with the flu so my eyes are really itchy.
Cop: Yes you were, and it's 85 degrees and dry, how was the road slippery?
Perp: oil spill? *wink*

4. wink

5. Get so pissed off you have to be tasered.



p.s. For those of you who gave really great input on the last post I have chosen not "nauty codpiece, " but ROLLICK for the name of my line. Thanks for all your really thoughtful input. It was really, um, well not at all helpful actually. It did make me laugh though. An update on all things rollick to come within the next couple days.

The reason I am not an "inventor"

There is a reason my creativity is being harnessed in the wonderful industry of insurance. It is because when I come up with ideas for new things, inventions if you will, they are absolutely horrible. Today my idea's were centering around some sort of board game. A game that asks what celebrity had a propensity for what drug. (I know, I know I'm kinda playin it fast and loose with the word invention.) Questions would read something like this. Which child star's boredom in her early 20's led to her addiction to Methamphetamines? Ding Ding Ding Who is Stephanie Tanner. CCCOORREECCCTT! And then there would be information about that drug on the back of the playing card. For instance "This drug is the reason you can't get any Friggin' sudafed when you go to target at 9 pm and the pharmacy is closed." Who doesn't want to play that game? I think it sounds like at least 5 minutes of fun. Alright not really, but it is informative. We all know how well informative games sell. Maybe there could be a whole line of Warning games. The perils of alcohol. Different types of STD's. Ahhh. (That's a scream not Aww how cute those kitties would be if I stuck them in the blender...sorry Amy) Flashbacks to 8th grade and the co-ed slide show viewing of real life STD's. Talk about scare tactics. Making 13 year olds view stranger's sickly special places in a room with the opposite sex, NOT NICE!! I was a very shy girl then, I could barely spread a rumor let alone herpes. So no STD game. I will spare those pre-teens with parents who want to talk about sex with them in a "cool" way the pain. Instead I will invite them to any family event with me. They think talking to their parents about sex isn't fun try my grandma. Talk about fun, I got your fun right here.

is it buck naked, or butt naked?

This is my first guest blog/interview. Welcome Erin.

-Hi Shalinn, how's it hangin'?

Don't ask me that. I'm not a dude. So, well, um, I hear that you've had quite the rounds in the boxing ring that is your dating life. Care to share a few of the punches with my reading audience?

-Sure. Damn it's good to be here. Wow, thanks no, stop clapping everyone. So you might say that I have a few dating troubles. Trouble is I meet the cream of the comb-over crop, who take the suggestion of using accurate words a little to far. Here is a list of the Mike Tyson's I've dated, all in code names to protect their anonymity, but just check out www.erinsbaddates.net for the full list of names, addresses, and some really funny jokes.

-Round 1: Aorta boy.
This date didn't start going bad until I opened the door. I didn't realize I had taken a time machine in the hair department back to 1985. His first question to me, "Do you like Flock of Seagulls?" and I said, "No, but I can see that you do." It was a sweeping long bang thing starting from the crown of his head coming forward almost over his eyes, and in the back a long greasy stick-to-the nape of the neck mullet. As Tiffany said, "It was the freakin' weirdest thing I've seen." So his hair was weird, forgivable, but them came the talking. And then in a moment where awkward silences can get the best of us, He pulls out a little something he learned that week in medical school. Yeah I thought it would be cool to date someone that was going to be a doctor, NOPE. He started thumping on his chest with his palm over his heart, his eyes far off thinking. I kind of just stared, wondering what the hell he could possibly be thinking about. How much he loves me already? Is he about to read poetry in a breathy whisper? How am I going to tell pelican man I don't want his love poetry or whispers? Well I didn't have to worry about that, turns out he was searching for some Aorta phenomena. Deal closed. Take me home and leave me there.

Shock me doctor, I think my heart's stopped. Any other medical mysteries at the big show?

-Round 2: contender: obgyNO
Another doctor in training. This one was in his third year, meaning doing his rotations and therefore more familiar with anatomical parts. Clearly the desensitation rituals of med school had not only worked but exceeded anyone's expectations. He was doing his Gyno rounds and didn't hesitate to fill me in on the gory details. It wasn't....pleasant. I think the dealbreaker was the moment he used the phrase "separate the labia". I crossed my legs.
I stupidly gave him a second date. One chance to redeem his verbal offenses. It was at the end of the date, when the argument occurred. That right there, (a fight on the second date) probably an indicator that this one wouldn't go the distance. The following exchange took place:
me: "I like salsa dancing"
him: " God sends dancers straight to hell and makes them whip baby seals with electrical cords."
Okay he didn't say that, but he definitely made it clear that dancing was a SIN!!!
me: "But dancing is so fun!"
him: "Sex is fun."
him:"Okay I'll call ya..."
Never got that phone call.

Did you really want a phone call from him? I wouldn't want a man that functions similarly to a leather bustiere - you know, it lifts and separates. Any more doozies?

-Round 3: Contendor: Mister I have less personality than a bar of soap
Not much to report. Unless you want to hear about no conversation. Date etiquette typically indicates a man should escort his date to her car if he did not drive her. Let's just say he walked to a car, just not mine, and not with me.

-Round 4: Contendor: He's no Maverick
Attraction: yes. Reciprocal: yes. Good conversation: YES. Bastard: Without a damn doubt.
The only thing notable. I got hit in the face with a frisbee about 3 hours before the date causing me to appear as if I had a run in with a syringe of collagen...it won. Melanie Griffith watch out.

Seems like if these guys were into reality t.v., they'd be on "The Biggest Loser." Where's Courtney to sing the fake-karaoke Cher themesong when you need her? Anyway, I'd like to thank you Erin for being on my blog, and I'd like to give a shout out to tonight's sponsor: Tiffany Matalone. Big surprise there, eh? Ginn, out.

quoteables

"i gotta use it real bad!"

"my grandpa was driving real fast. we listened to music. like kanye west. i ain't sayin' she a gold digger."

"i feel like i keep hitting only red lights. the red lights of my life."

"no! tell me before the fire alarm goes off so i can cover my ears. (covers ears) is it going off yet?"

"i didn't get to eat breakfast this morning. can i have some candy?"

"that your sister? UH! she fine...."

"why you got a cd on the wall? (points to my dry erase board)"

"how do you make my watch spin around faster?"

"i wouldn't need a tutu - i'd need a four-four."

"on friday the 13th, me and jane ann would like for you to come with us after school......oh, and we're going to the 75th street brewery."

Jesus - is that you?!

So I was laying in bed the other night thinking about the last year and what was or was not accomplished. I also got to thinking about my life and how my thoughts on Christ and who He is has changed in 2005. I realized among other things, that a big desire for my life was to become more like Christ each year that I live, and I have to admit that I question how I've become more like Him this last year. I've learned so much this year about myself and how I see Christ and God, but can I say that I've become more like Him?

So, I guess mostly for my own benefit, I'm going to "journal" about three lessons I've learned, and see if I've let those lessons change me more into Christ-likeness.

Lesson #1: If you believe satan's lies long enough, you'll start thinking of them as truth from God.

One year ago, coming off of the toughest time in my life in graduate school, I was at my life's lowest, thanks mostly to the fact that I thought that my failures and struggles with schoolwork and the intense fear that I lived in was God's will. In turn, I believed that I was a failure for Christ because my struggles and lack of success were not going to to be a beacon of light to anyone, and were not going to allow other people to see Christ in me. What I learned was that the guilt and shame that I felt as a result of my failures were not what God wanted to show me, and that being open and honest about my struggles could have the potential to show God even more to people than my successes.

Lesson #2: I've got to ask for help when I need it, and sometimes even when I don't.

Asking for help includes asking God, asking authority figures, asking peers, and asking those that are younger than me. I've been fighting with my independence my whole life, and still struggle greatly with it to this day. I want to be self-sufficient and figure things out on my own to such a great degree that I don't always utilize my resources of God and others. I fear that asking for help will make me look lazy, incompetent, not confident in my abilities, etc. and because I at least want to appear to be "good" at what I do, I don't ask for the support that I often need. I've at least started to learn to pray for even little things, and to not be afraid to ask for prayer when I need it because it can not only benefit me, but also allow God to be used through the body of believers which is of benefit to His kingdom and those who graciously choose to bear my burdens. Asking people for their help is an area that's even harder than me asking God, but I'm slowly learning that asking instead of assuming or doing things myself often saves time and can better insure the quality of whatever it is that I'm doing. Authority figures are in (or at least should be in) authority because they have a greater knowledge than I do, and they're there so that I can learn from their knowledge. If they get annoyed from me asking them questions, that's more often their problem and not mine. Even when things are going well, it doesn't hurt to check in every now and again, and ask for assistance when it's not necessarily needed - I've learned that you can learn things better when you have to teach them, and letting people be the gift of a teacher, no matter their age or status can be very impowering to that person teaching.

Lesson #3: God is good, and so are His gifts.

This seems like a given, but being a person that tends to see their own short-comings to a far greater degree than the goodness of God, it's profound to me. Because of my personal world and self-views, I like to think that what I do and don't do has an affect on how God views me and how He loves me, but that really isn't true. I kept trying so hard to better myself and linked my acceptance in God's eyes with my abilities and successes so closely that I ended up having a warped view of how God sees me. I learned a great deal about grace and God's love for me, and though I realize that God's grace does not mean that He's not going to care if I sin, He is going to love me regardless. I hold onto sins for a much longer period of time than God does, and realizing this has freed me in so many ways. I'm still learning that God wants good things for me, and that He wants to give me those good gifts. It's a positive exercise for me to think about the good gifts He's given me, and so here's some highlights of that goodness this year: coming out of depressioin, finishing graduate school, getting a job that pays the bills, getting a new, running car that's far nicer than any i've ever had before, moving to KC, Christ Church and the opportunity to be a part of a small group/part of the worship team/Alpha, my roommates, snow days, the Walnut Valley Festival and friends to share it with, oh, and seeing that guy standing in a towel in his living room (as I was driving by a random house - it was pretty funny - not gonna lie).......

The "Christ-like" factor/what these lessons have shown me: I guess I've for the first time in my life started to really appreciate the human side of Christ and not just his diety. I have a greater heart to know the struggles of others, I recognize that everyone has struggles and lies they believe, and I've experienced the grace of God to such a great degree that I really feel like in many ways, I've learned it for the first time. I want non-Christians and Christians alike to see and receive this truly free gift that will change the way that they view themselves, others, and God. If I let these things help me to love others more, and reach out to those that are hurting (which let's just be honest, is everyone), then maybe I can take what I learned in '05 and let it mold me more into an apprentice of Christ in '06. I don't know how much I let that happen in the last year, but I hope that I will be able to see progress in the future. I still have a ton of issues to work out, but I have to try and let myself be changed more into His image, and realize that He loves me and loves the fact that I'm trying, even if my efforts aren't up to His or my standards.

Peace and grace to all my readers......and a life-giving new year! Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.