Wednesday, April 19, 2006

the rhythm is gonna get ya

i must confess that a major reason for me posting this nonsense is just so that i don't have to look at the picture of the spider when i go to my blog page anymore. i'm not even freaked out about spiders that much, but for some reason, i just cringe every time i see that. and i make some sound like "blahthathathahthah" with my tongue.

so i was at price chopper last night, and couldn't help but think that i must have a blog confession about my grocery store tendencies. i'm not really sure why music affects me the way it does, but on more than one occasion, my shopping experiences have rendered smiles and giddy girl squeals of delight thanks to the completely random music mix intermixed with "clean up on aisle two" or "today at your neighborhood price chopper, notice our sales on canned spinach. it's only 89 cents with your price chopper shopper card and is a great investment to make for your family's health." i find myself singing out loud or at least humming, and when no one is watching, even shakin' my booty a little bit, not gonna lie.

last night was no exception. i mean, where can you hear "come on shake your body baby do that conga" (gloria estefan - what a latin genius for real) which both makes me want to trill my r's in everything i say, and also wear white shorts with an americana ribbon in my hair and dip my hands and body in paint, while doing jazz hands on stage in a beauty pageant. shortly after i left the mexican food section, i found myself joyfully walking 'round the store with a strategic swaying motion to the sounds of "la bamba" and then found myself "expressing myself" out loud in song when madonna's musical directions told me to do so. real cool. i almost got caught on a few occasions, but i don't think i really would've cared that much. i mean, i'm pretty much a self-control sort of girl, and who has the right to condemn me for throwing caution to the wind once and a while.

so, bottom line, watch out. the rhythm is gonna get ya, especially if you're in a grocery store with me. next time, i think i'll spend more time in the produce section creating an exotic fruit hat and piecing together a coconut bra before continuing on with my shalinn one woman show choir tactics. that way my singing and dancing will seem more like a normal thing to do.

Monday, April 17, 2006

spider, man.

so i received my first spider of the year this morning. no, i'm not refering to an annual award for being a spider, i'm just telling you that i saw a spider this morning. i was in the shower, he was on the ceiling, avoiding my general direction i might add, which i appreciated because if he had come close to being above my head, i probably would have called out explitives in the paranoia of the possibility that he would lose his little eight legged grip and plummet down on top of my wet head. he made his way out of my sight and ventured to the opposite end of the bathroom ceiling, which i found out after i was all squeaky clean. he stayed perfectly still in that corner until i went to leave, and i noticed him parading back across the ceiling towards the still damp shower area, with baton in hand pumping to the beats of "seventy-six trombones" so i can only assume he, like me is a "music man" fan.

i left, went to my room, checking the inside of my shoes for possible little guys before placing my feet in them, for i officially need to be careful that the baby mama has not spring, sprang, sprung her offspring inside the nooks and crannies in the dark places of my belongings. ah spring. new life, new creatures lurking around every corner. by the way, my "friend" was not to be found in the bathroom when i went back less than 10 minutes later. hiding? plotting his/her attack? i'll find out i'm sure.

oh, and i just thought i'd add that i've used the phrase "nooks and crannies" in not just this post, but also the last. it's apparently becoming a signature for me. nooks and crannies, out. oh, and stay classy igford.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

pressure cooker....geez

so apparently, i have some angry readers. i hadn't really noticed that i had been absent from the blog world for nearly a month, but work's been busy and i haven't had time or original thoughts ok? GET OFF MY BACK!

on a joyful note, Christ has risen! happy easter! he's got flowing hair now - much like that of fabio. why do people feel compelled to do this to the savior of the world? seriously....

now that the abrupt, awkward intro is over, i decided to post a few random "mother" musings to appease the two or three people that glance this way from time to time. time after time. thank you cindy lauper. these musings are i suppose of bewilderment, or bewilderbeast which is a pretty good album by "badly drawn boy" if you're into some experimental music, end scene.

i was driving home last week to oxford, kansas and viewing the big city's lights....wait, strike that, we don't even have any stoplights there....and was thinking how interesting my mother is. many of you that have encountered my mother or heard stories know what i refer to but here is a short list of facts. my mother is pretty obsessed with me getting married, or a least dating someone and then getting married and having babies because she doesn't want to be an "old grandma" but rather a hip, cool grandma. (she's also got this whole big plan about my parents living in a house with a pond behind it that has an island in the middle where my dad can build a fort and him and my children can paddle boat their way to the island, spend the night there and paddle boat back in the morning where my mom will have a big breakfast waiting for them.) anyway, we were discussing wedding showers because my cousin's getting married in may, and pretty much it came up that if i even went on a date with a guy, her and her co-workers would throw me a shower, no wedding necessary.

on my mother's mix cd of her favorite songs that she gave out to all of my immediate family members at Christmas, the song "mustang sally" is not just on there once, but twice.

so i'm moving in with sarah schultz in june and my mother was freaking out about the fact that i hadn't gone to look at sarah's house to fill out an inventory checklist of all of the nooks and crannies even though june is still a little ways away. this last week, she laughed in that "oh my goodness, i can't believe how irresponsible you are because you don't care about what i obsess about" way because i knew that sarah had a washer and drier but couldn't remember or didn't think to ask if she had a basement in her house. seriously. where are my priorities. oh ya, and my mom has asked me about the basement and washer/drier thing for probably a month now despite the fact that i keep giving her the same answer. who gives a rat's behind anyway? she constantly asks if sarah's house is south of I-70 too, and what her exact address is so my also obsessive aunt can drive by it to shoot out the windows, or to um, make sure it's in a safe neighborhood. who knew livin' in the 'dotte was going to be so traumatic for my family who's probably not even going to step foot inside the house except maybe once.

my mom is perhaps what's held me back from traveling by myself out of state or out of the country. trust me, she would be paranoid. i was driving from manhattan to kc on friday and she requested (on wednesday night) that i call her when i got back to kansas city so that she could know i got back okay. i'm 25 years old. cut the cord. i told her that that was ridiculous and that i wasn't going to call her. from now on, she could assume that no news was good news. i haven't talked to her since, so she probably thinks that i've moved north of I-70, am living with heathens and miscreants, listening to death metal while smokin' dope and doin' time with my deadbeat husband that i've neglected to tell her about. (see picture of my possible self in 20 years. really classy.)