Wednesday, November 29, 2006

ham + jesus + taurus = ghetto

1. by popular demand, i shall speak of the "ham" story. a couple sunday's ago i went to cracker barrel with kim and chad after church (insert shortened side note that my boyfriend forgot i got out of church at 10:30 instead of the usual noon-ish and also forgot to tell me that he wanted to take me to lunch instead of me going to cracker barrel until after i was already at the c.b., but whatever). i was really in the mood for breakfast food though, so we waited patiently for 40 minutes or so among the fake but freakishly real looking apple pie candles, kitchen utensils, holiday decor, figurines, and tractor memorabilia until we got our table. note to yourself, i delight in breakfast food, but i decided to just get something small as i was to adventure into the exciting world of chili's with the boy who really wasn't taking me out to eat as much as taking me along with him for a free meal via the youth pastor at his church but again i say, whatever. so, i ordered an orange juice and a ham biscuit (which costed a total of $5 max). the phones and texts were a ringing because of the confusion that exists among males and females and their communication dysfunctions, i mean, differences, and kim and chad were just along for the ride. however, we all had no idea how much of a ride we were in store for until this arrived. okay, so maybe it wasn't a whole half of a ham, but the slice was mammoth and the ham bone was smiling up at me. in my utter confusion i asked if they gave me the right thing, and the man brought out 3 biscuits. still perplexed, after asking a second time, i got one of these or at least the $2.50 version. i ate quickly and got out of there, but it was an out of body experience that i suppose you had to be there for to thoroughly appreciate it.

2. jesus backed into my car as i was leaving the wendy's parking lot on my way home for thanksgiving. i assumed it was pronounced like "hey-suess" but his brother called me regarding the accident and said it was in fact jesus. who knew? i'm glad that jesus has insurance which will cover the damages. jesus saves. me money...

3. the rental car i was given while my car is in for repairs is a 2007 ford taurus fully equipped with great things like a steering wheel, gas and brake pedals, windshield wipers, and a glorious tape deck. who makes a brand new 2007 car that does not have a cd player come standard? who but the lovely owners of 1988 dodge minivans still predominately listen to cassettes? who throws a shoe? honestly!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

This one's for Chad...and apparently Iggy

This post was for Chad originally, and now....Igford. Chad had told me on more than one occasion that he continued to check my blog daily, even though I haven't posted since August. That's faithfulness ladies and gentlemen, or well, gentleman, or now gentlemen. I'm confused.

ANYWAY, for my first re-entry back into blogophere, I'll give a brief explanation of my current state of being. I now have a boyfriend, and he's wonderful. I still work at the same school I worked at last year. I also currently have strep throat, and am off work for a week per doctor's orders. Thus, while I'm making my re-entry.

This being said, I have a few things that I've come across recently that I'd like to share with my peeps, or peep:

1. Sarah (my roommate) has a new favorite conversation. My boyfriend Thomas (who's Hispanic and has a different sense of humor than me) asks Sarah, "Sarah, have you seen White Chicks?" Sarah laughs every time she thinks about it. She has not seen it by the way, though Thomas recommends it to her, along with Little Man, which I succumbed to watching this weekend.

2. Two words: Jumping James. I have watched "The Price is Right" this week two times, and was introduced to Jumping James this morning. This pretty obviously gay man named James (I assume his sexual orientation because of his voice, he excessive jumping, the drama which he expressed, and the fact that he was with a group of about 20 girls, no other men) lost a car but picked up $1000, and later won his showcase showdown, which involved a car, and crystal candlesticks (which he showed interest in despite the fact that the men in the audience were booing). Congrats James - you go use those candlesticks as you cook dinner for you and your 20 women "just" friends.

3. Onto another J. "You go Joe!" That is, judge Joe Brown. I watched a couple of fascinating cases this morning. The first of which was a case where a woman was asking for money from her ex-boyfriend, and demanding that he erase or destroy a sex video he made that included her. The man's response (because she was only featured in 1 of 5 films apparently in succession) was, "Say you were watching Star Wars or something. Who wants to watch films 1 through 3 and skip number 4?" Very similar arguments I think. The second case was not a case really. The plaintiff was a web designer that obviously had his stuff together because he investigated and presented evidence against the defendant by way of pictures, finding his car emblem under his destroyed fence, finding him on myspace which had evidence, showing google aerial views of the scene, and providing a modest detailed assessment of the costs of repairing his destroyed fence and yard, etc. The defendant had absolutely no case first of all, was ironically a carpenter himself, and the best part of it was that judge Joe actually used a British accent on more than one occasion as a result of him being impressed with the investigatory journalism of the plaintiff. There's a t-shirt mentioned in the movie "When Harry Met Sally" that says, "Don't F#$% with Mr. Zero." My word is don't f#$% with a web designer's fence. It will always end up badly.

4. Oh ya, strep throat sucks. I recommend not getting it. It's much better that way, even though I've obviously been highly entertained by the educational programming I've digested this morning, as well as the exclusively low budg commercials that accompany it. It's rare times like these that I need cable. Woot Woot!