Tuesday, February 28, 2006

King Friday XIII said, "Ugh. Fortune cookies! Pitching bucket balls! Following balloons! What are these neighborhoods coming to?"

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood - a beautiful day for a neighbor. would you be mine, could you be mine? won't you be my neighbor?

one of my mom's favorite stories to tell about my childhood is that one day when i was 3 or 4 years old i came up to her and said, "mom, mr. rogers loves me just the way i am." now, while you're either sighing as if to say "that's so cute" or rolling your eyes thinking "you've got to be kidding me" i'll say that no, i'm not kidding you, and i've come to the realization recently that the man that changed his sweater and shoes also changed my life. no, i'm not considering a career in puppeteering and i don't plan on singing rhyming songs for my roommates in commentary style, but i'm pretty sure that i may start asking people to "be my neighbor" in a non-sexual way so watch out world.

where do these thoughts of mine come from you ask? well, the other night as i was listening to a little dave brubeck quartet in my car (jazz music for those of you unfamiliar ones) it dawned on me that i probably can attribute many things in my life to my incessant watching of pbs shows such as "mr. roger's neighborhood." case in point, my love for jazz music (which was featured frequently by papa fred), my love for dancing (see video below), my vivid imagination ("hello trolley. do we have to back to reality now?"), my random sense of humor (let's just admit that along with being sort of creepy, those puppets had some funny things to say at times), and quite honestly, my faith in Christ (heck, fred rogers was an ordained pastor).

in a coffee table book my mom gave me entitled, "the world according to mister rogers" mr. r says this: "you don't ever have to do anything sensational for people to love you. when i say 'it's you i like,' i'm talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch...that deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive: love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war, and justice that proves more powerful than greed. so in all that you do in all of your life, i wish you the strength and the grace to make those choices which will allow you and your neighbor to become the best of whoever you are."

i echo his sentiments friends and am reminded of the frequently used, genuine words of the beautiful jenny behrens when she says "i like you." i like you readers, and would also be much obliged (and probably entertained) to hear about your own childhood heroes/influences. take a stroll down memory lane and be sure to say hi to mr. mcfeely on your way.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

fat or thin? and true confessions

well, first thing's first....

i probably should issue a public apology to my roommate and good friend tiffany for plagiarizing her masterpiece theatre-esque writing ability and copying her fine work and posting it on my blog, not once, but twice. although i will not reveal any names, i will say that two strapping lads put me up to it after i told them that i hadn't blogged for a while due to a lack of creativity and original thought. and, i guess i should also admit that multiple people were involved in making sure that tiff's posts would receive more comments on my blog than on her own, and well, that plan clearly succeeded. i feel very blessed to have such deceitful friends :) i did think it was weird that tiff would openly admit (through her comments) that she thought her own writing was crap and that she would say of her own thoughts "what the hell?" but then again, if you can't look at yourself and think "what the hell?" you're probably taking yourself too seriously.

next true confession - i had a truffle shuffle concrete at sheridan's tonight and it was flippin' amazing. i am a huge fruit with chocolate combination fan, but blackberries and chocolate truffle chunkits in vanilla custard? bow wow. nice dish. bow wow, delish! bulge - is that you?!

now, on with the show.................................

so today i wore my glasses for the first time in quite a while. i have day & night contacts which last for a month, but since i needed to switch out my contacts, i opted to wear my classy spectacles today. a picture of me (obviously) is below.

now, there is not much to say - or so i thought, until my friend/coworker tim made some well, interesting observations, that i must open up for opinion. so, first thing this morning when i pick up a couple of his students, tim tells me that i look smart (and i was thinking, that's because i AM smart). that comment was perfectly understandable. however, at lunch today, tim makes the comment that my glasses make my head look bigger, no wait, not bigger he corrects, thinner. so which one do you think it is? he then of course tried to say something about how he noticed the sides of my hair more, whatever that means. so, check out my sides. what you do you think?

now, if he would've said that i was sexy with my glasses on, i would have number one, said "ya right" or "you know that's sexual harassment and i don't have to take it," but at least i could've agreed with his assessment. i mean, going along with the true confessions part of this post, i do have to admit that i kind of hoped to look sexy with the whole i'm wearing glasses with my hair pulled back and wearing a blazer thing. i mean, there's probably a lot of stripper acts that start out that way. well, if not a lot, at least the strip show i put on in my room every night starts that way. was that crossing the line? tiff wouldn't think so. and thus this post comes full circle, end scene.

Monday, February 20, 2006

I'll Cry if it Saves Me Money...

I can never talk my way out of tickets, ever. Unfortunately, I have the sometimes pain in the ass characteristic of telling it how it is. The inability to lie or cry when it would be most lucrative. So I find myself saying things like. "Yeah I know why you pulled me over. I was speeding." Very matter-of-factly, with very little emotion. Well, I got pulled over...again. I was so pissed off I started crying (because it is the 3rd time I have gotten pulled over for going 36 in a 25 when I didn't know I was in a 25.) Guess who didn't get a ticket for speeding?

I have compiled a list of things that do and do not work when trying to talk your way out of tickets (most are things I have actually witnessed or used)...

Do...(obviously a lot fewer of the dos because I always get the ticket)

1. be honest, and a good conversationalist. My mom once talked her way out of 5 tickets in a month because she told the truth, and within seconds had the officer chatting up a storm. One of those times she was with my girl scout troop. She was taking us to the prison, and you better believe she had that officer engaged in conversation about the jail.

2. If you actually have tears coming, use them to your advantage.

3. If you see the opportunity to flirt, do. (Sorry men, this may not be the best solution for you)

4. Stay calm. Even if you are crying this is crucial.

Do Not...

1. Get so upset you are crying but not breathing and wailing but not talking. It is a ticket, not an injection of deadly poison.

2. Get out of your car and start running. Specifically if you are a man in a thong leopard print leotard. Ick to the nth degree. Things I don't need to see, there are lots of them in that scenario.

3.Try and argue your way out of the ticket. For instance:
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Perp: Because you are either blind or can't read your radar gun...
Cop: You were going 50 in a 20, sir/ma'am.
Perp: No I wasn't. The road was slippery and I was on a hill. My brakes weren't working, and I think I am coming down with the flu so my eyes are really itchy.
Cop: Yes you were, and it's 85 degrees and dry, how was the road slippery?
Perp: oil spill? *wink*

4. wink

5. Get so pissed off you have to be tasered.

p.s. For those of you who gave really great input on the last post I have chosen not "nauty codpiece, " but ROLLICK for the name of my line. Thanks for all your really thoughtful input. It was really, um, well not at all helpful actually. It did make me laugh though. An update on all things rollick to come within the next couple days.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

The reason I am not an "inventor"

There is a reason my creativity is being harnessed in the wonderful industry of insurance. It is because when I come up with ideas for new things, inventions if you will, they are absolutely horrible. Today my idea's were centering around some sort of board game. A game that asks what celebrity had a propensity for what drug. (I know, I know I'm kinda playin it fast and loose with the word invention.) Questions would read something like this. Which child star's boredom in her early 20's led to her addiction to Methamphetamines? Ding Ding Ding Who is Stephanie Tanner. CCCOORREECCCTT! And then there would be information about that drug on the back of the playing card. For instance "This drug is the reason you can't get any Friggin' sudafed when you go to target at 9 pm and the pharmacy is closed." Who doesn't want to play that game? I think it sounds like at least 5 minutes of fun. Alright not really, but it is informative. We all know how well informative games sell. Maybe there could be a whole line of Warning games. The perils of alcohol. Different types of STD's. Ahhh. (That's a scream not Aww how cute those kitties would be if I stuck them in the blender...sorry Amy) Flashbacks to 8th grade and the co-ed slide show viewing of real life STD's. Talk about scare tactics. Making 13 year olds view stranger's sickly special places in a room with the opposite sex, NOT NICE!! I was a very shy girl then, I could barely spread a rumor let alone herpes. So no STD game. I will spare those pre-teens with parents who want to talk about sex with them in a "cool" way the pain. Instead I will invite them to any family event with me. They think talking to their parents about sex isn't fun try my grandma. Talk about fun, I got your fun right here.