motivation (or lack there of)

It's come.  The end of my brain as I know it.  For the last week of my life especially, I have come to realize that my brain has disappeared (some of you may have thought I lost it a long time ago, but no).  It's acting like those stubborn little children that I give speech therapy to that just won't focus on the task at hand despite my best efforts.  I only have one more week until this summer semester's over, but it has been my toughest yet, and I question myself everyday as to how and if I will make it through.  It seems like I'm in a downward spiral of brain farts that make it hard to come up for air, and unfortunately, I can muster nothing better than a meager "excuse me" while my flatulence takes its course without warning.  This just in - despite my brain loss, my sense of humor still never ceases to crack me up - too bad I don't get graded on my brilliant personality.  Ha.  Geez.  AAAHHHHH!!!  If I only had a brain....  The scarecrow will keep ya'll posted as to the outcome of this frustrating adventure I call life in graduate school...'till then, please pray that I'll reach the top of this mountain rather than fall down the rocky terrain only to see that my climbing was in vain... oh, and thanks for the banana bread lisa - i'll put it in my backpack for when I need some energy on the climb...

miscommunication?

i realized after my last blog that i left my anxious readers (or at least one person that i know of) confused as to the meaning of parts of my message. no, the "brother in Christ" that i referred to is not a romantic interest, nor was the conversation we had sketchy in that department - it was just very uplifting to me. hope that clarifies :)

expecting the unexpected

This weekend, I played/sang/led worship for my friend Lindsey and Bobby's wedding in Minnesota.  Not only did I learn that Minnesota is probably the land of over 10,000 lakes (they're everywhere), but God really showed me some amazing things that I hope last with me for a lifetime.  The first thing was this: God's family is welcoming.  I stayed with Lindsey's parents for the few nights that I was in Minneapolis.  I was completely and overwhelmingly blessed by their hospitality and the way they really accepted me as part of their family, even though I, with the exception of Christ, am completely different than they are.  It was amazing to see.  Number two: I never knew how beautiful a kiss could truly be until I watched Lindsey and Bobby kiss for the first time ever on their wedding day.  I cannot say that I could or would choose the "no kissing before we get married" thing, but I can say, that I have never witnessed a more intimate, beautiful moment between two God-loving people in my life.  It was incredible.  And finally: God chooses unexpected people to send His most amazing gifts to His children.  I was given the opportunity on the long car (well, truck) ride home to exhort and be exhorted by a brother in Christ.  God gave me a precious gift of seeing another person's face light up at the thought that I would find an amazing Godly man to become one with and with whom I would make an impact on people for God.  I had no idea God had used me to reveal a part of Himself to this person, and I also never thought that I would come away from this trip respecting and honoring this brother in Christ as much as I do now.  I am so blessed, and I pray that God will someday allow me to bless all of you who read this as He has blessed me.

the big bang

the clappers, the ooh-ers, the ah-ers, the criers, the shhh-ers. to paraphrase jon stewart, the celebration of the day of our independence from england and their dependence on us. i thought one thing as i watched the display of colors and decibel levels flash across the sky at manhattan's cico park tonight. that one thing was simply this: there needs to be an awards ceremony for fireworks. my nutty brain therefore gives awards tonight in the following categories:
most patriotic firework: the one with the star in the middle of a regular firework
most mob-like firework: the one that shoots, then splits off and runs - ironically, the ones who also work and look best in group settings
most confused firework: the one that is half one color and half another
most bling-bling firework: the real sparkley one that poofs and crackles at the end
most drunk firework: the weeping willow one
most conceded firework: the just booming one - it thinks it's so cool because it doesn't have to do anything else but get attention
most multitasking firework: the tri-color, "work within a work," weeping willow, strobe light one - also my favorite
if you would like to add your own awards to the list, please feel free to do so. feel free to comment on any interesting formations of mosquito bites on your body as well. i have no fun formations to report as of yet, but will keep you posted as the bites reveal themselves to me. side note - i saw atchison ks's fireworks on television. they must be a jewish community because that was definitely the festival of lights. i should go there next year - anybody with me?

ephesus

so i know i said that i'd write real often - so sue me. actually, saying "so sue me" makes me sing that phil collins hit "sussudio." wow - it's been a long time since i pulled that one out. so, new things in my life - well, i did buy that camera, and i'm enjoying it very much, though with me being at a loss of a job for the next two+ months, i think i'll find it hard to want to develop many pictures since money unfortunately drives our society 'round, and rent and food and bills take precedent. i'm officially 23 now as of the first tuesday of june (a.k.a. the first day of june), and i've since determined, well, today actually, that God has much that He wants to teach me this summer. as a result of some jacob's well sermons, the Bible, and my current literary endeavor of "the great divorce" by c.s. lewis, i'm realizing that selfish struggles that i've tried to deal with may actually be examined at their root, worked through, and with the grace of Him who is far greater than I, banished from my thoughts and actions. i've often spoke about the spiritual warfare that i know surrounds and engulfs me, but i think that i've tried too often to fight without putting all my armor on, and often been deceived into thinking i could survive with just part of it. i've seen that i was wrong about that, and realize also as lewis says that, "you cannot take all luggage with you on all journeys; on one journey even your right hand and your right eye may be among the things you have to leave behind." i now find myself facing an uphill battle against the plots of satan but know that despite the armor that may fall off of me at times, "and He must win the battle."

the cha cha...

last night as suggested by my previous blog, i went line dancing with my grandparents. among other things, i learned how to do a cha cha line dance and i must say, it was a good time minus the melodic selection. this precious, very old couple was there dancing to the beat of their own country music drummer and i got to watch this amazing ballroom dancing couple shake their hips better than the most scantily clad clubsters of my own generation. amazing! on a side note, my extensive research on digital cameras may actually be leading to a near future purchase...i think after much deliberation and prayer (well, not actual prayer per say) i've chosen the ebay route and "i'd say strong, to quite strong" that i will get the best bang for my buck that meets my amateur, yet well intentioned photographic desires. this just in as well: i've realized that the length of my blogs will most definitely be long, and well, probably frequent, so please consider carefully the amount of my words you're prepared to handle on a regular basis because if you so choose to be a frequent visitor to this site, you may consider making the purchase of some reading glasses...

today...

it's interesting being at home again, even for a short period of time - i feel as if i can't really be myself here. i've changed over the last 5 years being away, and although i love my family, it's as if i feel trapped in this small town. i will not be here for long since this is just a visit, but how i wish that my house felt like home to me. i think there's a song about that...possibly revamped as a result of american idol? not sure...well, i've just managed to put a bummer of a blog up for my first entry. sorry 'bout that. after my random evening of line dancing at the club my grandparents go to tonight, i'm sure i'll have some whopper of a story...until then...