low budget plays and the pee that keeps butts in the seats

so i figured that since tiffany can talk about her childhood play productions, i could talk about mine. back in a Christmas of yore, i too wrote, directed, produced, and co-starred in a low budget production of "three blind mice." it most closely resembled the modern day hit musical "CATS" which as chandler from friends so elequantly put it, "it's people. dressed as cats." and that's basically what we were, my cousins kyane and codi and i. i remember preparing for what was probably hours in front my grandma's bedroom mirror attached to the closet door. we were all decked out in our new same print, different colored cat shirts and pants and were attempting to reenact that beloved children's song which basically is not only politically incorrect, but probably responsible for the loraina bobbit's of the world (you know, with the running after other women and the subsequent cutting off of apendages). we would stand at different levels as to mess with the depth perception of our viewers, we obviously danced and sang, and we also managed to stretch the one act play about a 15 second song into 10 or 15 minutes of pure mouse bliss.

so, it was time to strut our stuff in front of our mothers and grandmother who had busily been working to clean up the Christmas dinner dishes in the kitchen. we waited on them forever to finish and kept talking up our juvenille talent as actors slash singers slash rappers slash dancers. we were the original rapper tappers. i'm sure we read, what was oddly enough one of my favorite signs to read in my grandmother's kitchen, "please do not tamper with the cook's buns" about 20 times before the show was to go on. and then, finally, it was our big moment. i'm sure we introduced ourselves as if we were unknown to our female family members who birthed us, and then we began. unknown to me at the time of the start of this production however, was my mother's dier need to use the restroom. she stood there patiently and watched us perform, and of course kept thinking, "oh - they've got to be done soon" which of course was wrong since i'm sure we performed that sucker forever until it was just perfect. with each passing minute my mother's legs crossed tighter and tighter, until finally, she blurts out a yelp, with tears streaming down her face, doubling over in laughter as she's peed herself waiting for us to finish. that's right. our performance was so tony worthy that my mother peed her pants because she didn't want to miss the show. to this day, my cousins and i are reminded of that story every Christmas and told by my mother that if our children put on similar low budget productions, we have to be just as "polite" as my mother was. thanks mom.