STORY 1. the day started off pretty good i guess - i got up and my mom was already busy in the kitchen, as per usual - she had been cooking for days. after i had finished my panera cinnamon crunch bagel (which was delish), the macy's thanksgiving day parade came on, which let's just be honest, is just a way for 100 child broadway actors to do a cheesy lip sync and dance routine about how they're thankful for their cell phones (that really did happen - it "kicked off" the parade). my younger sister of course said that she was going to get up to watch this televised cheese ball with balloons and bands event, but of course meandered out of bed about 11a.m., just in time for the dog show which followed the parade. prior to her awakening, came a disturbing occurance from the kitchen from which the following quotes bellowed:
"i don't think it's supposed to look like that"
"do you think they're all like this?"
"it's all over my hands now and they stink"
no, it was not what your dirty little mind was thinking. it was pretty dirty however. as my mother cut into the packaging of not just one, but two turkeys, she found them not only to be frozen solid (even though they had been thawing since saturday), but also covered with a brown film and mold. sick. so, we called dillons, complained, and loaded up the mystery meat in sacks which my dad took with him to dillons to prove that we weren't lying. while i was at home clorox wiping the entire kitchen, he got two new, fresh breasts.......of turkey and all was right with the thanksgiving world.
STORY 2. for some reason when my mother's side of the family gets together for holidays, games tend to be involved. last year, was my mom's craze of "chicken foot" (aka dominos), and this year, is was "hoopla." of course, my grandpa and my dad spent a good 15 minutes figuring out how to set up the easel for which "some assembly was required" before we were able to play, but that's beside the point. the actual game is basically pictionary, and after we spent 10 minutes listening to my grandmother number everyone off and then start yelling at everyone for being on the wrong teams, we decided for a guys vs. girls game. us women should've seen it comin', but basically we got spanked (the men of course said that if they won, then the women would be cleaning up dinner and doing the dishes, which let's just be honest, was really their plan regardless of if they won or not). the highlight drawing (if you can call it high) was my 13 year old cousin's exceptional drawing of mahatma ghandi. the lowlight, yet mentionable drawings were as follows:
1. my grandmother's drawing of "the great wall of china" which, i'm not joking, looked exactly like this:
and what's even weirder is that my sister guessed it
2. my mother's drawing, after complaining for at least a good minute and 1/2 of our 3 minute time limit that she had no clue who this person was:
what? you can't figure it out either? it's bono. ya, that's right, the u2 lead singer, which my mom of course pronounced as bone-o when she asked "how the heck am i supposed to know who bono is?"
3. my grandmother - at it again. our clue was "who" (which meant it was supposed to be a person).
ya, um, we guessed, cowboy several times, oklahoma cowboy, boomer sooner, oklahoma state cowboys, rodeo clown, etc. anything we could come up with. that of course, was all wrong. it's not a lasso that the cowboy is holding - it's a guitar. like my grandma said "it's garth brooks - you know like when he smashes his guitar. i saw his show in oklahoma you know - if my dancing friends were here they would've guessed it."hoopla. interesting game.
STORY 3. this is really a miniature tidbit to wrap up this post, but i just thought i'd better let it be known that the last comments coming out of my cousins and aunt/uncle were things like "grandma's needing some thongs" and "grandma's looking at thongs again." enough said.
happy holidays :)
2 comments:
Please tell me they were talking about shoes not underwear.
i prefer the term "underwears." :)
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