is it buck naked, or butt naked?

This is my first guest blog/interview. Welcome Erin.

-Hi Shalinn, how's it hangin'?

Don't ask me that. I'm not a dude. So, well, um, I hear that you've had quite the rounds in the boxing ring that is your dating life. Care to share a few of the punches with my reading audience?

-Sure. Damn it's good to be here. Wow, thanks no, stop clapping everyone. So you might say that I have a few dating troubles. Trouble is I meet the cream of the comb-over crop, who take the suggestion of using accurate words a little to far. Here is a list of the Mike Tyson's I've dated, all in code names to protect their anonymity, but just check out www.erinsbaddates.net for the full list of names, addresses, and some really funny jokes.

-Round 1: Aorta boy.
This date didn't start going bad until I opened the door. I didn't realize I had taken a time machine in the hair department back to 1985. His first question to me, "Do you like Flock of Seagulls?" and I said, "No, but I can see that you do." It was a sweeping long bang thing starting from the crown of his head coming forward almost over his eyes, and in the back a long greasy stick-to-the nape of the neck mullet. As Tiffany said, "It was the freakin' weirdest thing I've seen." So his hair was weird, forgivable, but them came the talking. And then in a moment where awkward silences can get the best of us, He pulls out a little something he learned that week in medical school. Yeah I thought it would be cool to date someone that was going to be a doctor, NOPE. He started thumping on his chest with his palm over his heart, his eyes far off thinking. I kind of just stared, wondering what the hell he could possibly be thinking about. How much he loves me already? Is he about to read poetry in a breathy whisper? How am I going to tell pelican man I don't want his love poetry or whispers? Well I didn't have to worry about that, turns out he was searching for some Aorta phenomena. Deal closed. Take me home and leave me there.

Shock me doctor, I think my heart's stopped. Any other medical mysteries at the big show?

-Round 2: contender: obgyNO
Another doctor in training. This one was in his third year, meaning doing his rotations and therefore more familiar with anatomical parts. Clearly the desensitation rituals of med school had not only worked but exceeded anyone's expectations. He was doing his Gyno rounds and didn't hesitate to fill me in on the gory details. It wasn't....pleasant. I think the dealbreaker was the moment he used the phrase "separate the labia". I crossed my legs.
I stupidly gave him a second date. One chance to redeem his verbal offenses. It was at the end of the date, when the argument occurred. That right there, (a fight on the second date) probably an indicator that this one wouldn't go the distance. The following exchange took place:
me: "I like salsa dancing"
him: " God sends dancers straight to hell and makes them whip baby seals with electrical cords."
Okay he didn't say that, but he definitely made it clear that dancing was a SIN!!!
me: "But dancing is so fun!"
him: "Sex is fun."
him:"Okay I'll call ya..."
Never got that phone call.

Did you really want a phone call from him? I wouldn't want a man that functions similarly to a leather bustiere - you know, it lifts and separates. Any more doozies?

-Round 3: Contendor: Mister I have less personality than a bar of soap
Not much to report. Unless you want to hear about no conversation. Date etiquette typically indicates a man should escort his date to her car if he did not drive her. Let's just say he walked to a car, just not mine, and not with me.

-Round 4: Contendor: He's no Maverick
Attraction: yes. Reciprocal: yes. Good conversation: YES. Bastard: Without a damn doubt.
The only thing notable. I got hit in the face with a frisbee about 3 hours before the date causing me to appear as if I had a run in with a syringe of collagen...it won. Melanie Griffith watch out.

Seems like if these guys were into reality t.v., they'd be on "The Biggest Loser." Where's Courtney to sing the fake-karaoke Cher themesong when you need her? Anyway, I'd like to thank you Erin for being on my blog, and I'd like to give a shout out to tonight's sponsor: Tiffany Matalone. Big surprise there, eh? Ginn, out.