musings of bewilderment

where giving the middle finger is apparently a sign of affection

2009-05-25T09:51:00.007-05:00

an odd post on memorial day, particularly considering that my last post was on mlk day and actually had something to do with the holiday. this one does not. it does however have to do with an experience from this weekend...friday night, may 22nd, 2009.

also known as the night i paid too much for concert tickets (thank you ticketmaster inconvenience fee), i went to the first "buzz under the stars" concert at city market. i really wanted to see anberlin and alkaline trio (two very different bands) which both were great. no lazer light shows (it was still daytime then anyway) - they played their music, actually sang, and rocked the faces off the people who didn't come to see them. i would've liked to have seen both of them play way longer than their allotted times and in smaller venues, but there will be other times in my life for that...

while alkaline was playing, an older fellow (who i'm sure has seen a few great concerts in his day, and was in major need of a dentist) approached me and asked me about one of my tattoos. the conversation went a little something like this:

man: "so my friend and i were talking. 'becoming.' now is that in reference to the song by pantera or to silence of the lambs?"

me: "um, neither actually. it just has personal significance."

man: "what's the significance?"

me: "well it's just in reference to me becoming more of the person i want to be in life."

man: "all right. what do you want to be?"

me: "well, i have a job and everything - it's really just about the process of me growing as a person. it's not about pantera or silence of the lambs. besides - i can't even watch horror movies because they freak me out."

man: "silence of the lambs is not a horror movie. that's real life. there are some f***ed up people in this world."

me: (laughing) "yeah, i guess there is. i still don't like watching those movies though."

man: "but you gotta tell me that you f***ing love pantera."

me: "um, i like pantera."

man: "that band is awesome. (his friend came up behind him - a short, stout fellow that looked like he'd belong at the beach - he didn't speak and was a little socially awkward) well you had me and my friend fooled then with that 'becoming!' not about pantera or silence of the lambs dude. well you have a good night. nice talking to you. hey, do you smoke weed?"

me: "no i don't, sorry."

man: "okay then. well you have a good night."

me: "thanks, you too."

love it.

since i wasn't in to the other bands there that night, most of the night was really spent people watching. it was a pretty fantastic environment for that. while the used was playing (or as the band announced themselves, "the f***ing used" - which i thought was rather redundant of them) my friend maya and i stood back with the less, well, with the older and wiser crowd and had a hay day observing everyone around us between the porta-potties and beer stations. during taking back sunday (whose music i don't mind, but were NOT good live - the lead singer cannot sing (or at least didn't demonstrate it that night) and sounded to be honest, like a dying cat - he's in great need of some good vocal hygiene says the speech pathologist in me), maya and i sat on the curb, and oh did the array of personalities and lifestyles pass before our eyes. mom jeans mixed with teenie-bopper texters, to the over 40 crowd that probably just paid a lot of money to hang out and drink $5 miller lite. the extreme overabundance of "that guy" wearing the band t-shirt that they probably just bought at the merch table, to the tall lanky teenage white guy with glasses wearing a "crunk state university" shirt. the group of people that i think thought they were vampires that came out after the sun went down, walked very slowly in a small group and sported lots of corsets and long black capes, to the middle aged couple that looked they they had just gotten done with a 10 mile run, but probably were out moshing with kids (they were chugging and bathing in the water out of the pump by the porta-johns).

i love diversity.

the offspring was the "headliner" band of the night - i did feel obliged to stay for part of their show, and we lasted through probably 5 songs. i didn't think i was well-versed with their repertoire, until they started playing. i guess i hadn't realized number one, how long they've actually been around, and number 2, how they've basically made a living creating a bunch of would-be one-hit-wonders. the lead singer's voice is quite memorable, i'll give 'em that. i'm not going to say that some songs didn't take me back to yesteryear, but there were also songs (aka pretty fly for a white guy) that i didn't really need to re-live. no one REALLY does.

in reference to my title and in conclusion... i found it odd when i believe alkaline was playing that there was one guy that kept flipping them the bird instead of applauding. i couldn't figure out if that was a good thing or if he hated the band until the used started playing. it's quite a sight seeing thousands of people simultaneously extending their middle fingers in approval; still, unless provoked (as the masses were), is it really a good idea to do that sort of thing out of context? i guess i'll that leave that decision up to you. you like this post? you hate my guts? flip me the bird. that way your bases are covered.

post. script. if you're really curious about the pantera reference, i'll let you investigate that on your own. i did, and well, if that would've been what my tat was in reference to, those of you that know me would probably be very concerned right now. the thoughts and lyrics of pantera are not indicative of this blog author. listener discretion is advised. however, the fact that said man above thought that was my inspiration makes me way more badass (or maybe just more of an ass) than i actually am. not gonna lie - i kind of felt a little more awesome. perceptions are crazy things...

dream

2009-01-19T14:53:00.012-06:00

With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:

My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.
Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride,
From every mountainside, let freedom ring!

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.

*pictures taken today from murals in the 31st and troost area kc,mo

an alarming story

2009-01-11T15:19:00.003-06:00

i was listening to "this american life" on my way to church this morning and heard a captivating and yet alarming story. listen to "babies buying babies" and see what you think... my how this world will stop at nothing to embrace the familiar and reject that which is "other," even when it involves something as seemingly trivial as baby dolls.

p.s. after reading/listening to everything else on this author's website, i'm kind of obsessed with her. elna baker could be my first "new favorite thing" of 2009.

Sushi I ate, I went on a date, I met a girl named Kate in 2008

2009-01-01T23:45:00.002-06:00

I thought about trying to make an alphabetical list of words/phrases that described my year and rhymed with 2008, but I quickly realized that would not have been enjoyable to read, or for that matter, create (ooh – that’s a good word though… *rethinks original decision, and then comes back to reality*). No one would want to read about how I did not fish with bait, how I moved a crate, or how I didn’t really get irate (except for that one time where I almost did). Still, I am going to write the say goodbye to ’08, say hello to ’09 blog post, because well, there’s a time of year to do that sort of thing, and that time is now. That’s reason and um, rhyme enough.

I had good intentions of trying to change my blog up this year and ask questions on it rather than just type my nonsense. Apparently questions extending beyond the ever-perplexing “Shalinn or Shaolin” bits don’t fly with you people. That’s okay though – I’m not bitter or anything… Side note – I’ll likely resume the whole fortune cookie vs. fortune kookie thing later – I’m obviously just not good at keeping up with the whole updating the blog thing. I blame that on my return journey back to facebook. That, and triangles. Don’t worry though; I have another stellar blog contest to embark upon. You’re gonna love it. Aside, complete…. Anyway, here’s some high and lowlights of the year that was… last year. I won’t make you answer any questions, I promise.

*My family said goodbye to my 106-year-old great-grandmother on January 17th of this year. She would’ve been 107 today actually. I’m sure she’d have something to say about the current financial state of the world, the fact that I’m still single, and that we’ve got a new president (yeah!)
*I continued the match.com journey for a brief stint and met a wonderful guy. Circumstances and life as it happens left us as friends. I didn’t know that I could feel so honored by someone voluntarily turning off the television to talk to me. He's taught me more than he may ever know.
*Leaving one job, interviewing and taking another one. I am happier now with what I am doing and perhaps what that may lead to in the future. I’ve gotten to see improvement in the lives of children and in some ways have gotten to see more clearly the circumstances that can work against them. It’s not fair, but is perhaps a greater opportunity for triumph.
*The Mexicants. Maya and I finally made it happen after over a year of talking about it. It’s fun and life-giving and one of these days we’ll perform our own music…and move beyond Grandview, MO (hopefully).
*Time off from work can rejuvenate a person and help them realize what other opportunities are available to them. I’m so grateful that I got to take the time to work with the wonderful children at Christ Church during VBS and at Christmas. They were wonderful and inspired me with their sweet hearts. Plus, they sang awesome. Getting back to teaching piano lessons was the right decision for me – my students remind me why I love music and why I love seeing people discover what they’re capable of. I literally sleep better at night because of this last summer.
*Obama. I took part in my first political campaign this year by volunteering and contributing. I’ve never watched as much news coverage as I did this year, and I never thought I could talk politics with people, especially people I didn’t know, but I did. What a growing experience it was for me to see what people in this city are passionate about and to see how things played out. I can only hope that no matter what happens from this point forward, people will start to care about something other than themselves. If we’re lucky, the U.S. can hopefully lead the way….and with any luck, listen and learn.
*London. Seriously. Need I say more? I got to go to London. I loved everything about it and can’t wait to go back to Europe.
*Weddings…oh my. I’ve seen some of my very best friends from past and present get married or engaged this year. Lots of sweet babies have been born (and created!) too, including the sweet baby I found out about last night ☺. I can’t wait to be aunt Shalinn (not biologically, mind you)!
*On a sadder, different note, I’ve seen more than one friend tragically lose their fathers, seen those I care about be abused, seen dreams and expectations shattered, seen illness and injury plague friends and family, and seen hearts break, including my own. I’ve seen people that won’t get out of their own way, and seen people that don’t realize who they really are and all that they could become in light of that. But perhaps the greatest tragedy is that of seeing the lonely not knowing they are loved, and me knowing that I can’t or in some cases don’t love them like I should or like I wish I could.

Well, New Year’s day is quickly coming to an end and I’ve written and re-written this last paragraph a gazillion times now, though no would know that since I decided to scrap it all just now. Bottom line, the word “I” was in it too much, and that just won’t do. This world is not about me or what I think or what I know or what I’ve learned this last year anymore than in previous years. And yet we’re all in this world here together where there’s beauty and tragedy and love to be found and experienced. Oh that Moulin Rouge line – the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. Let yourself be loved and love, even when it’s hard (on both fronts). Thanks for the grace you’ve extended to me this year readers… Happy 2009.

even joe the plumber can easily vote for entry number 4

2008-10-16T20:42:00.004-05:00

so i've noticed that the enthusiasm for this fine game has quickly diminished. still, don't let the man get you down. remember, in this economic crisis, you have nothing to lose by making this vote. you will not lose any money by voting in this shal vs. shao election. in fact, it could be the best decision you will ever make. or at least the best decision you've made all day. no bailouts necessary.

fortune number 4:
"An enjoyable vacation is awaiting you near the mountains."

shalinn or shaolin? you decide.

entry number 3

2008-10-10T17:50:00.003-05:00

Sorry it's taken me a week to post again. Keep guessing - some of you have increased your point totals; congratulations on getting one step closer to the prize package!

Fortune number 3:
"New horizons will be revealed sooner than you think."

Shalinn or Shaolin? Take your guess!

entry number 2

2008-10-02T17:56:00.005-05:00

Thanks to all of you who have wagered a guess on entry number 1. I'm not going to tell those of you that have answered if you are correct/incorrect just yet, but I will tell you that some of you earned at least 1 point, and there are some of you who were awarded no points. May God have mercy on your soul.

Here's your next shot!

Fortune number 2:
"You will have much to be thankful for in the coming year."

Shalinn or Shaolin? Take your guess!

entry number 1

2008-09-28T19:55:00.006-05:00

So back by popular demand, I'm exploring my long lost "roots" from winter 2006, and creating yet another bloggame (pronounced BLAHgame thank you very much). Due to the insane popularity of "Dove or No Dove," I now bring you "Shalinn or Shaolin," a mind boggling game which invites to wager a guess as to whether or not the "fortune" you read below is written by me (Shalinn) or the "wisdom" of an actual fortune cookie (Shaolin). Simply leave a comment with your guess and be sure to check back every few days or so for updates. Like last time, I will be tallying the score and offering the winner a FABulous prize package, so go for the gold as if you were in Beijing! I think I'm going to wait to provide the answers until the end of the game, so encourage your friends and enemies to join in the fun!

Fortune number 1:
"Next week, green is a lucky color for you."

Extra bonus option - guess whether the lucky numbers are Shalinn or Shaolin:
11 12 25 37 40 42

FYI: I'm waving to you in my picture - not just showing off my stubby little hand!

Indescribable X

2008-07-31T21:24:00.003-05:00

Three words. Skateboard Big Air.

For those of you that don't know, I'm a huge X Games fan. It's a serious love. I think I started watching them on ESPN2 during X Games 2 (it's now X Games 14 and has moved "up" to ESPN and ABC - I like to think of myself as being ahead of my time, which is really ridiculous). Especially growing up in a small town where riding tractors and combines were the norm instead of skateboards and BMX bikes, not many people knew of my love then, and most would not have understood why I thought it was awesome. It makes a lot of sense to me now knowing the person I've become, but I'm already tired of writing about myself in this post so I will desist.

The inspiration for this post actually comes from the amazing skateboarders I just watched in Big Air. Last year I was watching the competition as Jake Brown had the fall that ESPN replayed a gazillion times over and scared the crap out of me every time. A nearly 50 foot fall from which he got up and walked away. Incredible.

As if that weren't enough, this year's competition was even more impressive. First of all, Jake Brown was back in the competition this year. In his first competition run back, lays down a clean run (his first of a few) and ends up with a bronze. Amazing enough, but dude. There is not much more determination than that of Danny Way. This guy does a huge flip over the big ramp and then gets over 20 feet of air on the next trick, only to drop his board, clip both his feet on the edge of the ramp on his way down and bite it hard. Not as far of a fall as Brown's last year, but equally as scary, as any fall is. Get this though - after falling and limping off (with help) and appearing as if he was in intense pain, Way goes to the med group, gets checked out, and tells them that he's going back out not just to do one run, but to finish out the next 3 runs he has left. He tells the ESPN correspondent that he feels like his foot is broken and his shoulder and back are in intense pain, and the next thing you know, he's on his board heading back to the top of the ramp on the elevator. He then proceeds to do the exact same run that he just fell on, and land it clean. It was CRAZYass and though I usually don't use this vernacular on a regular basis, it was tight. How anyone has determination and ability like that is beyond anything I could ever imagine for myself. But it didn't end there. Way goes out and finishes out his next two runs, his last of which was clean and put him in first place. He reported that his entire body was in pain and he could barely walk, but he went for every last minute of it. He may not have been saving lives or anything, but for what he could do within his broken body on a skateboard, he did. I probably shouldn't be shocked - I mean the guy did mess up his ankle and then jump over the Great Wall of China. Still, I know that I have never pushed myself to my limits like that.

Bob Burnquist (who I've watched for years at X Games) ended up with the gold after his final run which resulted in a huge 360 with a blind landing, landing a squat position - he was fighting so hard even though he could've easily settled for silver. Back to back wins for him. Even with his excitement, he gets off his skateboard, hugs Way, and is moved to tears by Danny Way's courage (they're also good friends and are in a band together). It doesn't start off any better than this. I think part of what I love about this whole thing is that everyone is impressed with what the other guy is doing or did.

As I write, there isn't video available yet to post from the competition, but I'll get it on here when I can.

I'll be out of town tomorrow night for a very worthy cause, but look forward to seeing what I've missed and what's yet to come. Although it was on my list of things to do in my lifetime, I think that I've just forwarded it close to the top. I'm going to proclaim it. I'll be there in Los Angeles for X Games 15 watching it live. Who's coming with me?!

an affair to remember

2008-07-24T23:07:00.002-05:00

kim and becca have a list. a summer "to do" list. it's summer "to do" list. and i helped. i helped them check two things off on one night, last night. it was their first twofer. it took our threesome to have a twofer.

the night started off by us all going to nkc, just across the bridge to a little (what we thought was going to be a) hole in the wall bar called denim and diamonds. if that title doesn't scare you, you're a stronger man/woman than i because i was a little frightened. i should not judge - but the website? not exactly high tech. i'm not an overly webby gal, and i learned enough java script independently during my college office job to create it. plus, i don't even like country music - i'm a country gal that happily resides in the city. the black clothing i frequently wear does not have fringe attached and my boots are stiletto and worn only in the winter with non-butt lengthening jeans. i at one time did live on a farm, and i did receive a pair of roper boots in 6th grade for christmas, with which my grandma accompanied a white button-down shirt with iron-on "country" appliques with a puff paint lining. i'm pretty sure my cousin and i only wore those miraculous shirts in the picture that my grandma took of us right after she gave them to us. she meant well i'm sure.

moving on, it was ladies night and the feeling's right. oh what a night. two bucks for us to get in, and fi'ty cent drinks. i'm totally down with drinking bud light if it costs me ye ol' half dollar. we went at 7:30 for line dancing lessons (the actual "list" activity), were surprised that we weren't the only ones there, and learned a nice little cha cha cha heel toe scootin' dance and a fast little hoppity hop number. not the official titles of the dances, but work with me here. in all reality, we did the few dances we knew and totally worked up a sweat, but spent most of our evening people watching. let me tell you, this was a very worthwhile activity. let me utilize an old nkotb tune to tell you about the merriment.

step one - we can have lots of fun.
watching the sweet old men dancers that were at least 80 years old and way better than we were at line dancing. so cute.
watching that guy in the plaid shirt that was dragged there by his girlfriend. what a trooper - he was really trying hard.

step two - there's so much we can do.
like watch people visit the "jail." we assumed this "jail" was a substantial amount of space that an entire party of people could fit in if they wanted to rent it for a special occasion. not so. it was available for birthdays or "special events" which was a loose term really. seven people visited the one to two person jail in a matter of a few hours. the likelihood that there were that many people celebrating their birth at denim and diamonds was about as likely as the applebee's employees actually believing that the entire volleyball team had birthdays on the same day. if you wanted to do shots from in between another person's legs and feel somebody up, that apparently sufficed as a "special event." the shots were your dessert, and everyone staring at you as the sirens went off and the sheriff (complete with sheriff leather vest and gold badge) drug you over to hold onto the jail bars to be frisked was your serenade. good times call for alcohol and scandalous public displays of lewdness (pdls). at least that's what i always say.

step three - it's just you and me.
and the "celebrities" that we met at the bar. a man referring to himself as will ferrell introduced us to the supposed john cusack who would be "buying us all drinks all night long." considering that drinks for us were 50 cents a pop, it was not exactly impressive. "will" told us that he'd make sure we had a 2 dollar tab at the bar waiting for us. *insert faux swoon* we also met the supposed chris cagle (some country singer i guess? not to be confused with the "kegel" of the kegel exercises - i'm not gonna lie; that's the only cagle i had ever heard of).

step four - i can give you more.
more tube tops (which were actually in short supply surprisingly), more mom jeans (and not just any mom jeans, but ladies in mom jeans dancing on a pole for everyone to watch. and not just ladies pole dancing in mom jeans, but men putting dollar bills in the pockets of the mom jeans on the ladies pole dancing), more cowboy hats, belt buckles, and handlebar mustaches (any combo of two became known as the "double decker;" those with all three were referred to as the "trifecta"), and more random people that i was not expecting to see at a place like that (such as the guy in the hawaiian shirt and sandals, and the pseudo-preppy guys in polos who surprisingly knew a lot of dances, and the occasional rockers who made me feel less out of place)

step five - don't you know that the time has arrived.
for the country music to take a crazy-ass turn into hip hop. to see many of the same (predominately caucasian) dancers go from two-stepping to "neon moon" to rubbin' up and down to "get low" within 1 second was a little cuckoo. three hip hop songs (two of which weren't really even danceable) in the middle of a country hoe down. ho down, hoe down. either one i suppose. two mom jeans ladies in the middle of the dance floor were quite disturbing as they recited all of the lil' jon lyrics and danced a dance that i'm sure they thought was a good idea, but i'm writing about them now, so they're famous in their own right i suppose.

all this said, i think we might be visiting that place again on ladies night. not my type of music or idea of a good fashion show, but my two-steppin' grandparents would be proud. i figure any place that would play "i like my women just a little on the trashy side" should make me feel comfortable. it means the bar is set low. get low.

oh, and we came back to my place (well, my aunt and uncle's place - house sitting is awesome) and made mojitos. check number two on their list. and all i could say was, "hello."

valen what?

2008-02-14T15:50:00.003-06:00

maybe it's because i'm a speech-language therapist, or because i work in an urban school district, but i've found it nearly impossible to find any child that doesn't think today is valentiMe's day. even though it bothers me, i'm to the point that i don't even correct them anymore.

this being said however,

i hope your valentimes are happy times.

(and for those of you that know me personally, please re-read the statement above with a voice much like that of eddie murphy's donkey character in shrek. that's my favorite way to say it.)

u2

2008-02-04T09:46:00.000-06:00

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other

life's about people

2008-01-20T17:05:00.000-06:00

i have had the priviledge of knowing 6 of my 8 great-grandparents in my lifetime which is pretty amazing. perhaps the most amazing to me was my 106-year-old granny who passed away this last thursday. as part of a project in graduate school several years ago, i got to do an interview with her which revealed all sorts of interesting things that almost no one in my family knew. for instance - my grandfather was not the first person to propose marriage to her - he was just the first she said "yes" to (i think there were either 2 or 3 proposals prior, and one during her engagement). she had a college degree which was quite progressive in my opinion for a woman in the 1920s. she admittedly dated a guy for a long time just because he was a good dancer, and she continued to date guys while she was engaged to grandpa (he was away in medical school and he gave her permission to date. crazy!) my grandma had a strong faith in God, loved kentucky fried chicken and mcdonald's french fries, and knew more about current events, the stock market, and politics than i do. oh, and she watched dr. phil. pretty hilarious. i had always hoped that she would live to see me get married or at least get to meet my future husband - she was always asking me if i was dating someone (and she warned me not to get involved with doctors that were married - she saw something about it on dr. phil). that didn't happen obviously, but i figure that she was a pretty independent woman both before and after marriage (she outlived her husband by over 20 years and didn't even receive part-time nursing care until a couple years ago), so i like to think that she would be okay with my stage of life. even though her body gave out on her, her mind was solid until her passing. oh to be so fortunate... she was a gift.

question for this week (feel free to answer the other questions as well - i'm not giving up folks!): who has been a person that has inspired you?

a new one

2008-01-13T17:50:00.000-06:00

so apparently y'all aren't into this. however, that will not deter me from trying again and again until you get the hang of it.

before i fire off another question, i must thank meghan and maya who kept it real.

btw - my own answer to the previous question would be probably the biggest loser. it drastically changes and likely saves lives, and that's pretty cool. i don't really watch it until there's a marathon of it on bravo, but that's beside the point...

question number 2 of '08 is (drum roll please).....

what do you think is really the greatest (or one of the greatest) issues facing america today?

not at all like my last question, but appropriate i think.

getting this show on the road...

2008-01-06T19:27:00.000-06:00

you're probably either thinking, "OK already - ask a question" or "what? i haven't even read your previous post and what 'show' is she referring to?"

either way, here it is...

question 1:

what reality t.v. show (any show that involves real people, not characters - includes talk shows, cooking shows, etc.), if any, do you think makes the greatest impact on people's lives?

ready, GO!

aloha!

2007-12-31T10:18:00.000-06:00

i think in the ever-so-brilliant film, "miss congeniality," (for those unfamiliar, just check your local cable stations - it might as well be on every weekend) there is a conversation about how "aloha!" means both "hello" and "goodbye" so i found that it was an appropriate title with which to wrap up the year/start anew. and no, i'm not going to hawaii.

i started a post last night. it involved me drawing this parallel between one of my favorite shakespeare plays, "much ado about nothing" and my life in 2007. perhaps it could've been worthwhile, but as i started recapping the year (in far too much detail i might add), i realized, there was no need. there's no way i'm going to forget this year and what happened in it. most all of it is etched in my heart and has really become a huge part of who i am. this has been a year of me being shocked by the actions of other people, experiencing love and how you have to entrust the objects of your love to God (including letting them go), discovering new passions in ministry, crying more than in any year i can remember, seeing friends off to africa , into marriage, or into the life beyond this one, moving into a place of my own by myself, creating new works of art, gaining new best friends, listening to new music, getting my first tattoo, joining an online dating site (for better (thanks to a redeeming individual) and worse), traveling to new places, oh, and of course watching every episode of buffy the vampire slayer, which i mocked a year ago, but now revere as a favorite television program.

i also bought new jeans yesterday. that is a grand accomplishment indeed. from all my women out there, can i get a "woot! woot!"?

i suppose i should also add, that this might be one of my last posts (at least as you know them). one of my greatest joys from this blog has been the comments that i get from not only people i know, but also the random people that stumble onto my blog. who would've thought that i would have someone find my blog BECAUSE i posted about giovanni's roll out piano? it's a crazy world out there.

so, the "hello" part of aloha! is that i'm switching things up as far as my musings go. i want to hear what america thinks. so, in order to do that, i'm going to ask questions. i'll give my answers to the questions too, but i don't want that to be the focus. whether variety truly is the spice of life, i don't know. but listening to people is key, and i need to practice that. so, tell me who YOU are. you shall be my muse. bewilder me in 2008. happy new year. let's grow together.

guitar hero......z

2007-11-28T19:35:00.000-06:00

if rustin can just post a video of a wonderful guitar player, then i can post some of my faves too. i call this segment "keeping up with the smiths, or, the smith" these characters are not quite as "classical" but they're innovative and good at their craft.

tommy's awesome. he's part of why you need to come to winfield. don't get scared by his facial expressions.

doyle is incredible. i enjoy his daughter haley's music as well. i chose this video in tribute to my cats. makes me want to rock back and forth real fast.

this video doesn't do james justice at all, but he's the best flat picker i've ever seen. go see the waybacks. you won't regret it.

not your typical guitarist. kaki is king. or queen.

webloggingblahblah

2007-11-14T20:25:00.000-06:00

man - there's been so much i could've blogged about in the last couple of weeks, but i'm just now getting around to it, so this will likely be filled with abrupt changes in topics and be random at best.

i went to seattle a couple of weeks ago for the first time. it was completely wonderful. i loved the people i was there with, loved the city, loved the conference i went to (it re-fired my passion for loving people and seeing a bigger picture of God), loved the food i got to eat (SO delicious; fresh seafood is the BEST! i was in heaven for a little bit), and loved looking out of the airplane window and watching the topography change from the midwest (or really just "mid," let's be honest) to west. i'm pretty happy with most of my pictures - feel free to check them out here. i cannot wait until i can travel again - it fufilled a longing in my heart that i often forget exists. it may be a sign that my fortune in my fortune cookie this evening read, "you will travel to many places." i'm super cool with that and now await a fortune that says, "you will have a great fortune and plenty of time off from work."

on top of that, i've also gotten to experience some wonderful joys/sorrows recently. some seemingly trivial, some major, but full of vitality and life regardless. a long phone call from a friend who has had a passion awakened within her (one that is similar to mine and tied in amazingly with the conference in seattle), supporting a dear friend who is struggling with life-changing issues of love, honesty, and family, receiving a wonderfully unexpected phone call from a friend that was out of town, hearing from a friend that i haven't heard from in a year and 1/2 (and finding out that she's married now and will be in town to visit soon!), being inspired by the found magazine/postsecret show i went to and having my heart tugged at as well as my laughing my booty off, going to a rock show, making a friend snort and cry because she was laughing so hard at my southern accent, remembering a friend that died a couple months ago, and oh yeah - recently getting my heart broken and knowing that i can't do anything about it.

i'm pretty sure i've cried more and harder in this last year than in any other year of my life to this point - and i was saying that in march! still, i think that as the end of the year comes all too quickly to a close, i can say that i have cared for and loved people with a larger portion of my heart, gotten to meet some extraordinary people, had brand new conversations, been continuously loved and stretched by God, and started to embrace changes that i want to make in my life this year. plus, right now i'm watching the first episode of project runway season 4 which makes me very happy, and i'm not really caring at the moment that almost every other t.v. show is not new because of the writers strike. i will not be so happy once LOST and 24 are affected, but that's another post!

also, i am so excited that different people (known and unknown) have been leaving comments on my last couple of blog posts! a big desire of mine for the last 1/2 a year or so has been to start networking with people and getting to know what and who's out there in the world. i'm slowly taking steps in that direction, and with any luck, i'll begin figuring out where my journey's heading. until then, i'll keep truckin' and playing my roll out piano. oh wait, strike that last part.

it will be hard, but it will be good

2007-10-30T22:36:00.000-05:00

it's hard not to take life personally sometimes...particularly when you look at your losses or failures and realize that the common denominator in all of them is you.

anyone who knows me well knows that i analyze things. A LOT. i have a very difficult time not picking apart the pieces of just about everything and examining them bit by bit. i think i've traced it all back to my toddler-hood when instead of riding my tricycle, i took it all apart and put it back together again....i had no idea how telling that would be of my life.... anyhow, when i use these analyzing skills appropriately, the results are positive. other times, well, i tend to destruct any hope i have left.

right now i am faced with several choices. the results of some of my decisions (some just dumb, some out of fear, some right/correct but hard to bravely face) are staring at me point blank right now and causing my head to spin. and like my usual self, i'm wanting to break down everything into pieces and figure out how to put them back together again, hoping that i won't make the same mistake (if it was a mistake) next time. everything in me is trying to do things the way i've always done it - very methodically, very intricately; i put my examiner glasses on, take responsibility for virtually everything, beat myself up about what went wrong, and wonder if any good will ever come from me. sound dramatic?!

here's the thing though. i don't want to be dramatic. i don't think of myself as a high drama person, though when i look at my life, it is filled with drama because of my analyzation. i'm learning that one of the things that scares me most is when i'm caught in a venerable moment and my drama is revealed to, or in the worst cases, vomited on those that i care about. interestingly enough though, the cry of my heart/the word that keeps coming to my mind for the last few weeks of my life has been "intimacy." i want it, i long for it,i've prayed about it, had others pray for me about it, thought about it, etc. still, it is intimacy that is most frightening to me. being intimate is risky, and i suck at taking risks. in fact, i was just telling a friend yesterday (who happens to be one of the unfortunate individuals who i "vomited" on not long after i met him and freaked him out- poor guy) that if i could be good at anything, i wish i could be better at taking risks. instead of babbling more though,i'd like to attempt to make a point, so i shall type a series of equations:

revealing me to others (a.k.a. intimacy) = revealing my drama
revealing my drama = taking a risk
taking a risk = something i'm not good at but want
intimacy = something else i want
intimacy = taking the risk of revealing my drama

i guess i'm afraid of this risk because it seems like more often than not, when i put myself out there, my drama is not understood and/or resonated with, and people back away, so i feel like a freak. this freakiness can be a turn off to some. i don't want to turn anyone off; in fact, i strongly desire to put people at ease and make them feel welcome and relaxed. how i'm supposed to take this risk of drama revelation/intimacy and come off looking sane and not scaring the world around me, i don't know. i don't think i'm very good at it. history in some ways would suggest that my assessment is accurate. i often feel like a freak as a result. i guess it's not a risk if you know the outcome though; go figure.

all this being said, i suppose i should thank all of you that are my dear friends and have not run away from me screaming. your willingness to simply stick around and not cover your eyes and hit me with a club shouting, "freak! freak!" is amazing to me. and i do mean that sincerely. i must also give a shout out to God who also never runs away from me screaming and actually calls me to bring before Him more of my drama for the sake of knowing the drama He can also bring to the table. crazy stuff.

still, i long to be fully intimate with someone and have them be fully intimate with me. and i keep trying, but to no avail. should i keep trying? i want to, even though the more i try, the more it seems like i am found to be a freak.

when it all boils down to it, i suppose we all just want to be fully known (whether we realize it or not). and as for me? well,i'd really like to get out of the garage of tools and pieces and learn to just ride my tricycle...

the real question is...?

2007-10-20T18:30:00.000-05:00

1. why haven't i posted since august?

2. why am i now living by myself when i said earlier on this blog that i didn't think i ever would?

3. why am i so hot?

4. who else thinks that steven colbert running for president is hilarious and fantastic?

5. who ate at lidia's today and ate way more delicious food than should be allowed by one person?

6. what is your favorite color?

7. when did k-fed become the better choice?

8. when am i going to say something interesting on this site?

9. who signed me up to receive men's vogue?

10.who put the bop in the bop-shu-bop-shu-bop?

10 points to the person to correctly identify my real question. GO!

"they had to put their hands on it and play"

2007-08-10T01:16:00.001-05:00

there is a reason i stay up late when i'm not working, and there is also a reason why now having cable for the first time in a few years may just ruin me. at about 1:00a.m. the other night i stumbled upon an infomercial that may just change my life, or at least potentially ruin an entire population of future pianists. the roll out keyboard. "now everyone can get it on the action!"

i took several snap shots of my television to document such an event, but really, i shouldn't taint your views with mine about this product. wait! this is MY blog and when has anything stopped me before?

do please check out giovanni, the "mastermind" behind this phenomenon, who basically is a mix of john tesh and yanni...i mean, when you think about it, the name "giovanni" is almost a combination of both names, save the "v." perhaps v is for vendetta in my case, because someone has murdered the beauty that is the piano and the proper technique that comes with actually learning to play from a piano teacher on an actual piano with non-flat keys. convenience is ruining the nation. but, the thought of this gadget being played as part of a band, or being pulled out for a family fun sing-a-long gave me a good laugh, so thanks for the memories gio.

if you ever decide to buy such a product, be assured that i would have to come check it out for myself, but do be forewarned that i may just have to burn it afterwards... even though it has more gadgets than my expensive full size keyboard. technology - the loathing and the loving....

I've been tagged....randomly....

2007-07-24T09:38:00.000-05:00

So Rustin "tagged" me on his blog for the following "game." I can't believe I'm participating in this, but then of course, the biggest shocker is that Rustin participated in it first... Here are the rules:

1. players start with 8 random facts about themselves.
2. those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts.
3. players should tag 8 other people and notify them they have been tagged.

Well, here it goes:

1. I'm kind of addicted to caffeine, and I drink Diet Dr. Pepper so much that I'm at the point where I can drink it right before I go to bed and have no trouble sleeping. Caffeine is not a stimulant to me.
2. I once went on a date in a semi. I'm not even joking.
3. I am obsessed with places I've never been...namely Ireland (my homeland) and Maine (because of the book Sarah, Plain and Tall from my youth). I do plan on going both places some day.
4. I have a fondness for romantic comedies about women who are older and accomplished, but have lost or have never truly found love, then happen to find it in the course of the movie. A lot of them happen to involve actresses like Diane Keaton. I had a friend ask me why I thought I liked those types of movies once, and there's probably some deep insight into my life I could share right now, but I will refrain from letting my blog be my therapist right now.
5. My right, front tooth is fake. You can tell when I dawn a large smile because you can see the metal plate to which the crown is attached. There's a lot of history there actually, but the short story is that it's a result of a 7th grade basketball accident where I went teeth first into the gym floor.
6. When I'm playing piano by myself and my roommate comes home, I automatically stop playing and do this weird thing where I run into another room like I was doing something else entirely. This has happened for almost a decade now.
7. I am a self-proclaimed expert at unrequited love. Still, I try to write this off as making me more like Christ - there's lots of people He loves and has demonstrated His love for in far greater ways than me, and they don't love Him back. This makes me sad - mostly for Jesus since I know that it's always worth it to love Him back.
8. I love to write, and let's face it, whether I want it to be or not, this blog, among other things, is a form of therapy for me. I really like using commas too.

Okay, so I'm tagging y'all - if you don't have a blog, create one, or just leave your post in my comment section. You do have interesting things to say - otherwise I wouldn't be friends with you :)

Tiffany
Kim
Nadia (because she needs to post. seriously)
Jami
Donna
Beth Dixon (I know you're out there reading this Beth!)
Doug (Igford's counterpart)
Mallory

why i have issues with "patriotism"

2007-07-04T13:18:00.000-05:00

it's so interesting - when i was younger, i used to LOVE the 4th of july. i loved spending the day in town (breaks into some varied version of "thank God i'm a country boy"), having bbq's, shooting fireworks, going down to the ball fields (the happenin' place around town), and actually wearing red, white, and blue or something with an american flag on it. i wrote an 8th grade essay about the importance of voting, and won a full size american flag for an essay i wrote in 5th grade. with each passing year of my adult life however, i find myself becoming less and less "patriotic" and almost becoming cynical about the crap that goes on here in america. am i evil for this? i'm not so sure.

ironically, this fits right in line with some of my most recent posts. i don't know if it's a result of a generation gap, or just a great difference of opinion, but i receive similar emails quite regularly from both of my grandmas on the topic that i am addressing here. this kind of thing DOES NOT scream "i'm thankful and grateful for my freedom" in my opinion, and makes me rather irate (if you couldn't already tell that this was going to be a ranting post).

i received the side bar pic as a forward from one of my grandmas today, and the more i read, the more irritated i became. (click on the pic and hopefully it will enlarge to a more readable state) i'm sure that with the immigration bill just being a big item topic in the political realm within the last week or so, and me recently listening to a LOT of national public radio (which i heart), this issue has been on my mind quite a bit lately. still, i just can't quite seem to get over how narrow minded some people can be in the name of "patriotism" and "love" for "their" country. i would be really interested to see what you, my readers, think about what was said here. do you agree? am i being way too harsh in thinking that these sentiments are crap? i really do want to hear your opinions, even if in stark contrast to mine...

patriotism as defined by my fabulous iBook dictionary is: a person who vigorously supports their country and is prepared to defend it against enemies or detractors. i think there is perhaps something to be said for this. i am certainly grateful to the millions of men and women who have died in pursuit of the freedoms i know in this country, but i think that things like this email forward have little to nothing to do with those people. although there is a definite danger of going so far over to the anti-patriotism side of life that's not healthy, i think there is GREAT danger in also looking at the world or america through "patriot" glasses. what really constitutes our "rights"? the constitution? people's interpretations of the constitution (which are widely varied)? why are we so concerned about our rights anyway? is it just because we want to be comfortable? is it because we want things to be our way or the highway? life and liberty, that i can get behind, but the pursuit of happiness? is happiness really what we should be pursuing? isn't that relative? won't some people's pursuits inheritantly get in the way of other people's pursuits? are we more concerned about policy than people? what is freedom anyway, and (granted i am certainly looking at this with my "Christian" glasses on, and i admit that) why do we think true freedom can be found in policies and laws, and having everyone be "legal" and paying taxes and offending or not offending other people and not found in Jesus? it's unfortunate to me that this country is thought to be based on Christianity. maybe it truly was at one point, but it seems as if every country in the world seems to have repeated lessons of missing the point (mostly because not everyone can agree what the point is), including (and in some cases maybe even moreso) america.

i am grateful that i can write this here on a website to be available to the world and not be punished for sharing my questions and opinions, and it's that "independence" that i will celebrate today. but i say that what we all should be looking at what we are dependent on, and examine that for once. are we relying on what we really want to be relying on or are we defending a lie or our own personal hangups in the name of "patriotism" or our fierce desire to be "independent"? life and liberty are not about me getting my way or having done what i think is best. in fact, i'm struggling every day to first depend on the God that loves me, and then the amazing people (humanity) that he's given me to live my life with. it's amazing how independence has the letter "i" in it, as does patriotism, which brings me full circle with the title of this post, and thus ends my rant, for now! happy examine your dependence day! (okay, so that changed this whole thing into some cheesy Christian sentiment, but whatever)

p.s. i didn't even start in with my opinions about the "language" issues the email forward brought up - in the words of molly shannon's standup SNL skit character, "don't get me started. don't even get me started!"

free love on the freelove freeway

2007-05-31T21:59:00.000-05:00

i figured since it is half way through 2007 now (i can't even really believe it) and i'm starting my 27th year of life (turning 26 - for my confused readers, think hard - it does make sense), i thought i'd make a list of the music that's rocked my year so far. logically, i should probably make my list have something to do with the number 7, (you know 2007, 27th year) but in reality my preface has little to nothing to do with my post, and i'm just going to list music for the heck of it.

albums that i've listened to A LOT so far since the start of 2007:

speak for yourself - imogen heap
back to basics (discs 1 and 2)- christina aguilera
stripped - christina aguilera
till the sun turns black - ray lamontagne
a fever you can't sweat out - panic! at the disco
keep it together - guster
songs that rocked the lar-dawg - (jeff larison's fave songs of 2006 compilation)
futuresex/lovesounds - justin timberlake
arise - an anonymous project
blueprints for the black market - anberlin
cities - anberlin
never take friendship personal - anberlin
remember right now - spitalfield
sink or swim - waterdeep
the khrusty brothers - the khrusty brothers
it won't be soon before long - maroon 5

other artists that have stirred me...

patty griffin
bleed the dream
brand new
the early november
led zeppelin
brilliant geographers
the dan doran band (local band)
chris daughtry (interestingly enough)
explosions in the sky
saosin
jennifer knapp (old school stuff)
silers bald (old school laura story version)
rufus wainright
the waybacks (coming to lawrence june 10th-11th by the way :)

why did i bother posting this? like my blog says - who knows where thoughts come from? they just appear...

grandmas and faith handkerchiefs PART 1

2007-05-23T22:30:00.002-05:00

i got an interesting piece of mail the other day...

the envelope read "God's Holy Spirit instructed us to loan you this to start turning things around for you. So, here it is." naturally, i opened it.

inside, i found the following (see above). as a minister for more than 50 years, the "pastor" that sent me this read, and reread the Bible and determined that God instructed ministers to send "Bible faith handkerchiefs" to people so that miracles of blessings could occur (based on Acts 19:11,12 - read for yourself what the scripture actually says). who knew all i had to do was send people holy snot rags? on this paper 'chief, i was instructed to write my name in the center, with the name of a loved one i wanted prayer for below it and place it in my Bible at the Acts passage at night while i slept.

i found this experience to be very holy and helpful in my walk with the Lord.

along with the blessings that were assuredly going to be mine once i returned this faith handkerchief in the mail to "st. matthew's churches" at a p.o. box address in tulsa, oklahoma, i was also encouraged to pray about "sowing a biblical seed offering unto the Lord" for "this is the work of God that this church is doing." i had no idea God was calling me to give him seeds this whole time. i thought i was called to tithe money, likely to the church of which i am a part. apparently not.

there were many stories of how these B.f.h.'s "worked" in people's lives. people going off "dope," getting out of jail, receiving checks in the mail, etc. and amazingly enough, they had become "seed harvest members." how coincidental!

even more wonderful is that i had a special sealed prophesy to speak words of wisdom in my life, though i was NOT to open it until after sundown on the day that i sent my 'chief back. after getting on the internets and finding out that this whole thing was officially a scam (i thought about sending just the 'chief back to see what happened - some informal research if you will), i opened the sealed prophesy, even though i had broken the "rules" and was to have destroyed the prophesy without reading it because it was of a "spiritual nature." oops! and let me tell you, the prophesy wasn't at all general and was very applicable to ONLY my life. or something like that...

i shall leave you with what my favorite picture was. a picture, i'm assuming, from "Biblical times" since Kodak was strong to quite strong back then, of what i assume is Paul giving a Bible faith handkerchief (that looks just like mine!) to a sick person. that's so life giving.

i once was blind, but now i see. i once was money, now i'm a "seed." i once used direct communcation with the living God in prayer, now i just use my paper Bible faith handkerchief and put it in the mail. ask yourself: WWPD?

grandmas and faith handkerchiefs PART 2

2007-05-23T21:35:00.003-05:00

because you'll likely read what's above this as PART 1 first...

i've had a few blog-worthy things come up lately, and i must admit that i was more tempted to do one of my more serious "what i've been learning" posts, but decided against it because sometimes life is just funny and the world needs to know about it.

thus, i take you on a journey.

first of all, i love my grandmothers. really, i do. however, i'm pretty sure that i'm not much like either one of them...case in point, their love for email forwards. i am very proud of one of my grandmas who used to send approximately 3 forwards a day, because she generally limits herself to one a week now after multiple grandchildren complained and confessed to her that we automatically deleted them. her lesson was also learned when we accidently deleted her request for a Christmas list last year, mistaking it for another "you're going to have bad luck for 7 years if you don't send this to 30 of your closest friends" sorta thing.

anyway, i got a kick out of both of my grandmas this week as they both sent their own "inspirational" emails...my favorite part about the link below (via email forward) was that my grandma had already sent it to me before a month or so ago, but the first time in the body of the email it read "Words of wisdom from a 98-year-old senior citizen who shares her thoughts on love." this time the preface for the link was "I hope you enjoy this slide show. It meant a lot to me and I wanted to pass it on to you, so that you know you are loved." please meet the sap within and watch what's at the following link:

http://www.doyourememberlove.com/musiconly.html

oh, and pretty please watch the accompanying explanation that follows the picture escapade. you will learn that this "98-year-old senior citizen" is not exactly a person...and in fact this link was created by a man that wrote a book about meditating with his dog.

my other grandma's forward (along with some just fabulous jpegs of characters that should've never been created) taught me the following things: that i am one of the 10 prettiest ladies on her friends list, elvis impersonators are "losers," apparently it's okay to make claymation-like pictures of old people wearing things like speedos and bikinis, that i was supposed to "hit" 10 pretty ladies (which i didn't, because even pretty people don't like to get punched in the face...seriously), and that it's okay to send your granddaughter an email forward that also says "If you get hit again you know you're really pretty. If you break the chain you'll have ugliness for 10 years." i'm planning on taking my next 10-year stint of ugliness and becoming a mime. i'm told that ugliness is covered up well by white make up and not talking. i guess it confirms that whole notion of "i won't be getting married for a long time" thing...unless ugly mime love is the best love...

they do apparently care enough to send the VERY best...

something to hold on to...

2007-05-09T09:33:00.000-05:00

first thing of the day: i went mcdonald's for breakfast before work this morning (which i very rarely do) and happened to catch a quick glimpse of the top half of the guy's face in front of me, via his rearview mirror. i must admit, i thought - huh, he's kind of cute. this thought was quickly dashed away however, when i caught a look at his full face...and what did i see? A HANDLEBAR MUSTACHE! eeww! serves me right for checking out guys in kck at a mcdonald's...

secondly, i am about to lose my mind right now because my co-worker has loudly been playing (what i've googled and found out is) taylor hicks' song "do i make you proud?" next door on repeat! my answer to that question is, NO! you do NOT make me proud, but you do annoy the crap out of me! this is time number 7 that i'm hearing this song in a row! AAHHH! have i ever posted a blog about how much i dislike self-empowerment, feel-good about yourself and what you've overcome ballads? well, if i haven't, now's the time i shall rant. i strongly dislike them, and i think they're crap to put it lightly. even my beloved christina aguilera's song "beautiful" makes me kind of want to vomit...and i think christina kicks most people's asses musically. the low point of my musical endeavors? when i actually sang "wind beneath my wings" in high school for a spring concert. i still can't believe i did....i didn't even like that song!

rant completed. i'm worn out now....and sadly find myself singing the question, "do i make you proud?"...(cries...)

tent time!

2007-05-05T16:20:00.001-05:00

in the tent
Originally uploaded by shalinn.

'tis a rare thing when i get to hang out with truly delightful children that i love. i know that i hang with kiddos everyday at work, but i don't often get to have fun with them, throwing agendas to the side. today was different however...other than the fact that according to my little friend maliyah, we had an agenda: to make a tent.

i promised her a few weeks ago when she asked if she could come to my house, that we would make a tent since i didn't have many toys. she apparently kept mentioning to her mom, leslie, over and over, that she wanted to come over, and today was the day that we made her dreams a reality. four chairs, a couple of sheets, a smurf, a frog, some pillows, and some washcloths (aka "towels" which were must haves according to the little miss) later, we were set. we actually didn't tent it too long before growing restless (and by getting interrupted by a couple of odd looking blokes at the door that were in a "communications" program and wanted me to buy something from them so that THEY could go to cancun, mexico - i didn't fall for it by the way) but we did have some fabulous time later with some "basketballs" (otherwise known as a soccer ball and volleyball) outside. the porch swing also brought forth some delight as maliyah both was the pushed, and the pusher with her bulging 3-year-old biceps. her smile, and her reluctance to go visit starbucks with les and i were endearing. *inserts some comment about how any child wary of leaving the front yard for the overpriced mega-coffee-emporium is a smart child*

good times were had by all (including when the cancun-ers came back by and asked if i was a photographer)... stay tuned for further adventures...

...including the further adventures of spider-man, which i've still yet to see...

walkin' into spiderwebs...

2007-05-02T18:31:00.000-05:00

why it takes me so long to blog about anything, i will never know. except for the fact that i do know. and that reason's because although i spend dubious amounts of time on my mac (get your mind out of the gutter, you readers that make everything dirty - i'm talking about my iBook), i generally require inspiration before i post. and, well, i'm apparently only getting inspiration about once a month these days.

i suppose i've had all sorts of more somber life occurances and lessons on my mind as of late, and only take the time to be witty in the presence of a select few. work's overwhelming, i'm in general just tired, i'm overcome with feelings and prayers about the fallen state of the world (one of my co-workers was shot in the ward parkway incident for instance), and last week there was this guy driving behind me on the way to work who i noticed in my rearview mirror. when i peered into my mirror at the next stop light, i saw that this man had placed a blonde wig on his head and was taunting the driver waiting at the light beside him. after a few minutes of my disbelief and laughter, i saw the man take the wig off and return to "normal" or whatever version of "normal" is possible when you're a man that voluntarily wears women's wigs in traffic. all this is true by the way, and i mix the lighthearted in with the serious mostly because 1) i want to see how close you're reading this, and 2) you probably would assume with my last couple of posts that i'm serious all the time now, and you would be wright. or riong. or something like that.

ANYWAY, my blogging inspiration today came from the anticipated spider-man 3 movie synopsis below. i forgot it was even coming out this weekend until i got my weekly AMC MovieWatcher Review Newsletter - i guess i thought the month of may seemed so far off, and now it is not only upon me, but onup me. i don't even know what that means. so, don't ask. i got unusually excited over the following account:

Spider-Man 3 (PG-13); Nationwide
Peter Parker has finally managed to strike a balance between his devotion to M.J. and his duties as a superhero. But there is a storm brewing on the horizon. When his suit suddenly changes, turning jet-black and enhancing his powers, it transforms Peter as well, bringing out the dark, vengeful side of his personality that he is struggling to control. Under the influence of the suit, Peter becomes overconfident and starts to neglect the people who care about him most. Forced to choose between the seductive power of the new suit and the compassionate hero he used to be, Peter must overcome his personal demons as two of the most-feared villains yet, Sandman and Venom, gather unparalleled power and a thirst for retribution to threaten Peter and everyone he loves.
(thanks the AMC MW R N 5/2/2007 for this)

it kind of gave me chills - partially because i see all sorts of parallels to reality and life in the good/evil scheme it reveals- the evil power that corrupts and erodes the most wholesome souls, and the struggle to fight for your true self and those around you so that good may prevail. beautiful. exciting.

(oh, and the other reason is that spidey is also my favorite superhero.) i can't believe i'm admitting this, but i haven't even seen the first spiderman movie, though i'm tempted to go rent it now, even as i write this...i have documentation of my likey of spidey though, via this pic i took of a diet dr. pepper can a couple years ago when the S2 movie was made. i got all excited to take random pictures with my (then) new digital camera, and i was happy with the result. ironically for me, i just uploaded that pic to my flickr account along with my friends' wedding pictures from that same summer. i went and saw the second movie on the evening of that (afternoon) wedding in minnesota with the bride's sister and cousin. i tell you this only because that digital camera i was so excited about then has since broken, and i, in the last week just bought a new digital camera, hence why i'm into flickring...thus brings me to the opening of the third movie, and my continuing excitement, end scene.

anyone wanna see it with me?

to the point...

2007-04-05T21:09:00.000-05:00

He loved to the point of death
and in death, made the reality
of His love known,
so that we might have life,
knowing that His death and His life
is what makes it possible
for us to love
to the point of death,
which is the only way to truly live.

As the altar was stripped, and the red fabric was torn from the cross hanging at the pinnacle of the sanctuary, I couldn't help but realize that Jesus was stripped, naked, exposed for everyone to see...and that was His plan. Over and over again, in the darkness and stark reality of the moment, I kept thinking to myself "love to the point of death." How much love it takes to be exposed fully for everything you are, be the only one who's blameless and sees reality, and love those who reject you to the point of death. My reaction was tears and confession followed by prayer and a desire to know the God that loves me, so that I too may bleed His love to the point of death. What a privilege to have that calling, and what great and amazing life that brings - the Gospel truly is the best news.

The essence of this scripture is what was preached on tonight - I have loved this passage ever since God taught it to my heart as I memorized it for a summer job I had. It is truth, and it speaks beyond my mere words.

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ,
if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit,
if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete
by being like-minded, having the same love, being one
in spirit and purpose.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit,
but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Each of you should look not only to your own interests,
but also to the interests of others.
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God
something to be grasped, but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth
and under the earth, and every tongue confess
that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Philippians 2: 1-11

i love.

2007-03-25T20:26:00.000-05:00

i love going to quick trip and making myself a cherry, vanilla, diet dr. pepper.

i love going to movies in the theatre by myself.

i love me a truffle shuffle concrete from sheridan's.

i love that i bought speakers to hook up to my iBook. music loud, is grand indeed.

i love music that makes me dance and stirs my soul, and

i love music that sparks a hint of seduction in me (not gonna lie).

i love having quick comebacks and witty replies, over and over again.

i love playing my keyboard and singing by myself, imagining i am on stage, or in front of God.

i love to laugh so hard that my sides ache.

i love when people i love catch me by surprise.

i love day-dreaming of exotic adventures and passionate love.

i love seeing God's plans unravel before my eyes.

i love a good glass of beer.

i love a hearty cry.

i love lamp.

i love seeing people realize their dreams.

i love that i don't give up on anyone. no matter what.

i love feeling beautiful.

i love being my raw, true self and having that truth spurred on in me by others, as well as being the one that encourages others to be their true selves.

a couple of you know that these last few weeks for me have been, well, rough. emotionally laden, somewhat isolating, full of heartache, and also so full of reality that i could hardly stand it. i found myself in a situation with a dear friend (a boy no less) where i was perhaps truly the most myself that i've ever been. i didn't even realize how full of life i felt being known so well and actually understood. i wasn't trying to let myself out of my personal cage so to speak, but i found that i didn't even know how risky and adventurous i had become until i peered around at my wild surroundings, realized that i could actually be comfortable there, and then was faced with the reality that sometimes those people who know us and understand us best and even call us out into the wild, don't choose to be with us. i'm sure you can put two and two together as to the situation that unfolded between me and this friend, but it's not just that that i wish to comment on.

i often wonder what people's lives are like when they don't have a relationship with God, when they don't know His abundant grace, His love for them, His heart to heal their wounds etc. and they live their lives trying to find validation in other people, possessions, feelings, success, whatever, all the time not knowing that in those pursuits they're never going to find what they're searching for. it absolutely tears me apart. i am also cut to the core by those who know God, and yet have a hard time taking Him at His word, not realizing that He can be a helper and a guide, and not seeing or choosing the strength He offers them. i also wonder what people's lives are like that don't have true, Godly friends that will stand beside them during the sweet times of life, as well as the pain and hurt and remind them always of God's truth and their worth as His children. most recently, i have become very passionate about the ALPHA ministry at my church, and just can't get enough of seeing and being a part of God's transforming work and healing in people's lives that did not previously know Him. but, sometimes i forget that it's not just others that need God's work and healing, but also me. there have been several friends that have come alongside me in this journey of brokenness, and they have helped keep me strong, remind of what is good and true, and have continued to point me to God. i love them, and am eternally grateful. God also chose to use a lady at church whom i barely know to tell me softly during a prayer time that God wanted me to rest in the love that He had for me. i didn't know what that exactly meant for me several weeks ago when she told me this, but i think i get it more fully now.

after some additional prompting from a woman who frequently seems to be as the audible voice of God to me, i decided a few days ago after a couple of weeks of wrestling with God, perhaps the most intense tears of heartache i've ever experienced to date, multiple imaginary conversations in my head, falling on my face literally in prayer, and what i can only describe as hopeful hopelessness, to move on, to seek God in ways that i hadn't tried yet, and to try and learn about the truth that God wanted me to hear. i picked up a book i read that had been instrumental in my life a couple of years ago, and just today finished reading it for now my second time. God used that book, along with scripture to help me walk through some past hurts, throw off lies i had believed, and realize that He always will be my greatest adventure, my valiant rescuer, my only savior, my life-changing healer, and the one who knows me, delights in me, and romances me because i simply looked to Him and sought who He is. how encouraging that i have a God that promises to always come to me when i come to Him!

and what's more? i don't have to be afraid of being my raw, true, often quirky self because even if certain people don't quite get me the way that others do, or even if i'm rejected when i present myself to people, i have beloved friends that stick by me and try their darndest to understand me at my weirdest, and what's best is that i have re-grounded myself and learned to rest in the love of a mighty God that continues to call me out into that wilderness of being real. i have and know love. and therefore, i love.

wee me, plee? z

2007-02-15T23:00:00.000-06:00

how cool am i? seriously... you too could be a little person, rockin' out and dancin' to the sweet jams at the discotheque with your irish flag in hand, and may i say, a rather angelic looking face, minus the uh, halo (which is optional by the way).

thank you rustin for the link and inspiration.

like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives...

2007-02-04T18:28:00.001-06:00

first of all, i cannot for the life of me figure out why a sample "label" for any post according to blogger.com would logically be "scooters," when the other sample options are "vacation," or "fall," but i guess that's why i don't earn the big bucks.

scooters is also incidentally the name of a coffee house, which to me is just plain wrong because any eating or drinking establishment that automatically makes me think of unmentionables in the restroom is disturbing and should be banished from the earth. my kid's book would say "no two scooters are not on fire..." thanks strongbad.

substance in this particular blog will be hard to come by, but the nonsensical is often that which is most freeing for me, so i share this personal liberation with you, friends. my random banter has been a frequent occurrence as of late, mostly thanks to the continual musings i have with my friend dylan over text messages. who knew that a form of communication that i shunned and mocked even just 5 months ago would be such a creative outlet for me? i certainly did not. i also got to thinking after recently watching the movie "the crow" that being an avid skateboard/(and in this case)scooter user would strengthen one leg and leave the other leg weak and hopeless, also making you eventually walk very lop-sided like. to clarify for my technologically advanced readers, we're not talking vespas or vehicles for the elderly here folks...i'm still awaiting good ol' back to the future hoverboards ...while in the mean time, i find myself running, and running, and looking forward to more running for prolonged periods of time...life is strange indeed.

not much rhymes with 7

2007-01-01T14:23:00.000-06:00

now that it's 2007, i decided to make a list of things/people that made 2006 for me. so, here goes...

PEOPLE:
*Thomas Hernandez (former boyfriend)
*Rustin Smith (friend/musician/teacher)
*Sarah Schultz (friend/roommate)
*Leslie Tripp (band leader/song writer/friend)
*Dylan Reiter (friend/musician)
*Mario (not Lopez/hot guy/Mexican)
*Mallory Ginn (sister)
*Christy Tatum (CFY supervisor at work)
*Maya Needham (friend)
*Erin Gurss (friend)
*A.W. (student with autism)
*Josie McClernon (coworker/friend)
*Andrew Elliott (former coworker)
*Susan and Gary Ripple (friends/pseudo parents)
*Moses (the coolest African I know)
*Morgan Spurlock (documentary film maker)

MUSIC:
*Ray Lamontagne
*Panic! At the Disco
*The Raconteurs
*OutKast
*Casey Driessen
*Mae
*The Waybacks
*The Greencards
*Lynn Miles
*Haley Dykes
*Damone
*Badly Drawn Boy

EXPERIENCES:
*finishing my Clinical Fellowship Year at work
*having a boyfriend
*rediscovering kissing
*the Mill Creek band
*ALPHA conference
*Christ Church ALPHA
*Autism conference
*Leslie Tripp (the band, the people, the music)
*living with Lucy (the dog, the pain, the legend)
*moving again
*house sitting for my aunt
*receiving unsettling letters about my future job status in the mail
*my parents moving
*working at Chick African Schule school
*small group
*seeing A Prairie Home Companion not once, but twice, and the conversation witnessed between Sarah and Donna as I was seated in the back seat of Donna's car in the parking lot after the second viewing
*seeing good friends get engaged, married, or have babies
*starting to think about what I want to do with my life and not being afraid of dreaming again

MOVIES (both discovered, and new):
*Dave Chappelle's Block Party
*Word Wars
*Wordplay
*In Her Shoes
*RIZE
*The Prestige
*The Pursuit of Happyness
*The Holiday
*V for Vendetta
*the long awaited For Your Consideration
*Prime
*Proof

OTHER FAVES:
*Project Runway
*24
*30 Days
*Tide to Go
*coffee (who knew?)
*Lipton Green Tea
*salsa dancing
*screen printing (thank you Sarah)
*$5 weekday movies at the Ward Parkway AMC
*Forever 21
*Progressive Auto Insurance
*my 1st pair of Pumas
*Take It To the Limit
*Core Rhythms
*still having a job
*Netflix

thanks to all of you for reading this blog, and being a part of my life. happy 2007!

the results are in...

2006-12-09T22:42:00.000-06:00

*original logo from http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/*

Day 15 answer: No Dove

Well everyone, the results are in, and the winner of Dove or No Dove and the fabulous prize package is.... ANONYMOUS! Whoever thought they would be better off answering anonymously was not correct because now I can't prove who the clear winner is, and that/those person(s) can't get the fabulous prizes. No Dove for you! Thanks to all of you who played, or at least prayed about playing, and we'll see you next time on (say it together everyone) DOVE or NO DOVE!!!

p.s. As far as official entries are concerned, Chad and Jami were tied with 3 correct answers a piece, but sorry to say, there is no consolation prize. Maybe next year...

day 15

2006-12-09T22:41:00.000-06:00

*original logo from http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/*

Day 14 answer: Dove

Day 15: All I want for Christmas is you.

day 14

2006-12-09T22:39:00.000-06:00

*original logo from http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/*

Day 13 answer: No Dove

Day 14: Spending time is a greater gift than spending money.

day 13

2006-12-09T22:38:00.000-06:00

*original logo from http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/*

Day 12 answer: No Dove

Day 13: Holidays are better when shared with friends.

day 12

2006-12-09T22:35:00.000-06:00

*original logo from http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/*

Day 11 answer: No Dove for you!

Come on now, you know you want to play....

Day 12: Bring in da noise, bring in da Christmas.

day 11

2006-12-09T22:33:00.000-06:00

*original logo from http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/*

Day 10 answer: Dove

Day 11: Outside the snow is falling and friends are calling "yoo hoo."

day 10

2006-12-09T22:32:00.000-06:00

*original logo from http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/*

Day 9 answer: No Dove

Day 10: Joy is contagious.

day 9

2006-12-09T22:30:00.000-06:00

*original logo from http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/*

Day 8 answer: Dove

Day 9: 'Tis the season for warmth and love.

day 8

2006-12-09T22:28:00.000-06:00

*original logo from http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/*

Day 7 answer: Dove

Day 8: Always give from the heart.

day 7

2006-12-09T22:24:00.000-06:00

*original logo from http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/*

PLAY MY GAME!!!

Day 6 answer: No Dove

Day 7: Your presence is often the best present.

day 6

2006-12-09T22:21:00.000-06:00

*original logo from http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/*

Day 5 answer: Dove

Day 6: Holidays are the best days.

day 5

2006-12-09T22:17:00.000-06:00

*original logo from http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/*

Day 4 answer: No Dove
I am so good at fooling you!

Day 5: Promise yourself some relaxing holiday moments.

day 4

2006-12-09T22:12:00.000-06:00

*original logo from http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/*

Should I just give the prize package to Kim? She seems to be the only one that's serious about taking a shot at it. Oh wait, you have other things to do besides just read and respond to my blog? Interesting....

Day 3 answer: No Dove ha ha! gotcha suckaz!

Day 4: It is in giving we get the best gift.

day 3

2006-12-09T22:10:00.000-06:00

*original logo from http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/*

Day 2 answer: Sadly, No Dove

Day 3: Treat everyday as a new day.

day 2

2006-12-09T22:04:00.000-06:00

*original logo from http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/*

Day 1 answer: Dove

Day 2: Hey Santa! Do you like Gumbo?

NEW GAME!!!

2006-12-09T21:24:00.000-06:00

*original logo from http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/*

So, I've decided to play a little holiday game. Starting December 10 and (hopefully) everday until Christmas Day, I will post a new comment. It is your job as my faithful readers, to leave a comment on my blog as to whether or not you think my comment of the day is from a Dove chocolate wrapper or a quote from somewhere/one else (a.k.a. no Dove). Respond with "Dove" or "No Dove" each day, and come back to my blog the following day to read the previous day's answer and see that day's new comment. After Christmas Day is finished, I will tally each reader's score, and the winner will win a fabulous prize package worth an undisclosed amount of money. Ready, set, GO!!

Day 1: Friendship is a gift in itself.

ham + jesus + taurus = ghetto

2006-11-29T17:10:00.000-06:00

1. by popular demand, i shall speak of the "ham" story. a couple sunday's ago i went to cracker barrel with kim and chad after church (insert shortened side note that my boyfriend forgot i got out of church at 10:30 instead of the usual noon-ish and also forgot to tell me that he wanted to take me to lunch instead of me going to cracker barrel until after i was already at the c.b., but whatever). i was really in the mood for breakfast food though, so we waited patiently for 40 minutes or so among the fake but freakishly real looking apple pie candles, kitchen utensils, holiday decor, figurines, and tractor memorabilia until we got our table. note to yourself, i delight in breakfast food, but i decided to just get something small as i was to adventure into the exciting world of chili's with the boy who really wasn't taking me out to eat as much as taking me along with him for a free meal via the youth pastor at his church but again i say, whatever. so, i ordered an orange juice and a ham biscuit (which costed a total of $5 max). the phones and texts were a ringing because of the confusion that exists among males and females and their communication dysfunctions, i mean, differences, and kim and chad were just along for the ride. however, we all had no idea how much of a ride we were in store for until this arrived. okay, so maybe it wasn't a whole half of a ham, but the slice was mammoth and the ham bone was smiling up at me. in my utter confusion i asked if they gave me the right thing, and the man brought out 3 biscuits. still perplexed, after asking a second time, i got one of these or at least the $2.50 version. i ate quickly and got out of there, but it was an out of body experience that i suppose you had to be there for to thoroughly appreciate it.

2. jesus backed into my car as i was leaving the wendy's parking lot on my way home for thanksgiving. i assumed it was pronounced like "hey-suess" but his brother called me regarding the accident and said it was in fact jesus. who knew? i'm glad that jesus has insurance which will cover the damages. jesus saves. me money...

3. the rental car i was given while my car is in for repairs is a 2007 ford taurus fully equipped with great things like a steering wheel, gas and brake pedals, windshield wipers, and a glorious tape deck. who makes a brand new 2007 car that does not have a cd player come standard? who but the lovely owners of 1988 dodge minivans still predominately listen to cassettes? who throws a shoe? honestly!

This one's for Chad...and apparently Iggy

2006-11-15T11:06:00.000-06:00

This post was for Chad originally, and now....Igford. Chad had told me on more than one occasion that he continued to check my blog daily, even though I haven't posted since August. That's faithfulness ladies and gentlemen, or well, gentleman, or now gentlemen. I'm confused.

ANYWAY, for my first re-entry back into blogophere, I'll give a brief explanation of my current state of being. I now have a boyfriend, and he's wonderful. I still work at the same school I worked at last year. I also currently have strep throat, and am off work for a week per doctor's orders. Thus, while I'm making my re-entry.

This being said, I have a few things that I've come across recently that I'd like to share with my peeps, or peep:

1. Sarah (my roommate) has a new favorite conversation. My boyfriend Thomas (who's Hispanic and has a different sense of humor than me) asks Sarah, "Sarah, have you seen White Chicks?" Sarah laughs every time she thinks about it. She has not seen it by the way, though Thomas recommends it to her, along with Little Man, which I succumbed to watching this weekend.

2. Two words: Jumping James. I have watched "The Price is Right" this week two times, and was introduced to Jumping James this morning. This pretty obviously gay man named James (I assume his sexual orientation because of his voice, he excessive jumping, the drama which he expressed, and the fact that he was with a group of about 20 girls, no other men) lost a car but picked up $1000, and later won his showcase showdown, which involved a car, and crystal candlesticks (which he showed interest in despite the fact that the men in the audience were booing). Congrats James - you go use those candlesticks as you cook dinner for you and your 20 women "just" friends.

3. Onto another J. "You go Joe!" That is, judge Joe Brown. I watched a couple of fascinating cases this morning. The first of which was a case where a woman was asking for money from her ex-boyfriend, and demanding that he erase or destroy a sex video he made that included her. The man's response (because she was only featured in 1 of 5 films apparently in succession) was, "Say you were watching Star Wars or something. Who wants to watch films 1 through 3 and skip number 4?" Very similar arguments I think. The second case was not a case really. The plaintiff was a web designer that obviously had his stuff together because he investigated and presented evidence against the defendant by way of pictures, finding his car emblem under his destroyed fence, finding him on myspace which had evidence, showing google aerial views of the scene, and providing a modest detailed assessment of the costs of repairing his destroyed fence and yard, etc. The defendant had absolutely no case first of all, was ironically a carpenter himself, and the best part of it was that judge Joe actually used a British accent on more than one occasion as a result of him being impressed with the investigatory journalism of the plaintiff. There's a t-shirt mentioned in the movie "When Harry Met Sally" that says, "Don't F#$% with Mr. Zero." My word is don't f#$% with a web designer's fence. It will always end up badly.

4. Oh ya, strep throat sucks. I recommend not getting it. It's much better that way, even though I've obviously been highly entertained by the educational programming I've digested this morning, as well as the exclusively low budg commercials that accompany it. It's rare times like these that I need cable. Woot Woot!

And Then There Were 3

2006-08-09T00:37:00.000-05:00

Kim, Doug, and Igford are the only people that post comments on my blog, and who am I kidding - one of the three isn't even a real person, and all of them are probably the only beings that read my posts anyhow.

Next post will just be a long list of expletives for my sort of three friends to enjoy. That will show everyone else what they're missing out on.

Note to reader: for a small fee, I can also mention your name on this blog. Heck - you never know who could google your name and find you via that sweet hit.

Customer Service

2006-08-06T20:24:00.000-05:00

It's interesting what you encounter when you're being served by others - here are a few stories that aren't necessarily groundbreaking, but true none-the-less:

1. My family rarely ate fast food when I was growing up (partially because we were home cooking small town people with limited options, and in part because I was a picky eater growing up and back then, fast food was not known for being fast when it came to "special" orders like mine - pre "have it your way" phase you could say). This being said, my sister, mom, and I were on our way to meet up with my grandpa and were running a little late, so we stopped at Braums for breakfast. We order through the drive through what typical fast food breakfasts are: sausage biscuits, bacon, egg and cheese biscuits, (or in my case back then) a plain biscuit with jelly because I didn't like eggs. The person in the drive through rings up our order, we drive to the window, pay, and the lady tells us it will be just a minute before our food's ready. Just a minute ended up being 15 minutes, after which the lady pops her head back out and informs us that they "don't have any biscuits" and could we please order something else. Aren't biscuits for breakfast sort of a fast food staple? Needless to say, our quick breakfast stop made us later than if we had eaten at home. ***note: this does not reflect poorly on all Braums restaurants in general - they're a great place to get ice cream and milk and other than the one in Wellington, KS, should not be looked down upon***

2. I've recently been renting movies from the Hollywood Video on Johnson Drive (NOT the Blockbuster next door to it thank you very much - punks wanted to charge me $18 for two movies that were overdue by a couple of days and I refused to pay that much money in late charges so I never went back, even when I could afford it and even though it happened over 5 years ago now; who's counting - can I get an AMEN?!) Anyway, there's this guy that works there that's quite honestly the most zealous movie store worker I've ever encountered (I've had two encounters with him that I can remember). First, this guy says an enthusiastic hello to everyone that walks in (which at first you're thinking, this is kind of a polite surprise). Then, while the customers are browsing through the selection, loud enough for the whole store to hear, he informs his coworker "WE GOT A 'Benchwarmers' IN!" to which she replies in a much more normal speaking level, "uh, thanks for letting me know?" Later, he answers the phone in an "accounts payable Nina speaking, just a moment" meets James Earl Jones as a movie announcer like voice that I didn't know existed in reality. When it comes check-out time, I've seen/heard him go into a 5 minute rivoting account about how much he thinks "In Her Shoes" is a good movie even for a chick flick, which really guys would like too and what's really amazing is that Cameron Diaz is really like 40-years-old but plays a 17-year-old in the movie and how I'm going to love it. I did really like the movie actually, though his Diaz age reference was completely false by the way, because she's at least playing a 28-year-old in the movie - it starts out with her going to her 10 year high school reunion, but whatever. The last time I was there, he proceeded to tell me that he was in a very good mood and that very few things rarely ever keep him from being upbeat and perky, with the exception being a few girls from his past, and perhaps his coworker who he asks to answer the phone as he's ringing my movies up and informing me that if she would just get off the phone with her "boo" she may be able to get some work done. FYI - this guy's maybe 20, white, and an average Johnson county-an I can assume, so why he uses "boo" as if it's common terminology for him, I'll probably never know. Thanks for the memories dude.

3. So, I went to Popeye's chicken, which has fabulous spicy chicken and wonderful cajun mashed potatoes if you're into that sort of thing, which I was this evening. So, I pull up to the drive in and order a number 3 combo with spicy chicken, a Diet Pepsi (no coke products-the main drawback to this place), with my sides of mashed potatoes and corn. This is how the conversation plays out with the lady at the drive thru:
"We no longer serve corn (3 second pause). Green beans, or macaroni and cheese."

(me, thinking that "green beans and mac/cheese" was a question and those were my other choices) "Oh, well I'll have green beans then."

"No. We no longer serve corn, green beans, or macaroni and cheese."

"Oh, I'm sorry - I misunderstood, so what are my other choices for sides then?"

"You only get one side with that combo anyway."

Why she couldn't have told me that from the beginning, I'll never know. Luckily after my 10 minute wait (not so much fast food here either), there was a very kind man working the drive thru who apologized for the wait and sent me on my way. Another favorite part of the experience: the sign that read "No Tax Weekend Special (but you have to pay tax on it)." Oxymoron or just moron? I'm still not sure yet....

But one of these people is having the best week ever….

2006-07-21T11:43:00.000-05:00

(second grader, extremely smart and hilarious who henceforth shall be referred to as "He): I liked this girl Tamia but I didnt really want to tell my friends because they wouldnt get it, and plus she doesnt go to school here anymore. I liked three girls when I was in first grade, but it was just too much drama.

Me: Too much drama, huh?

He: Ya, this is like a soap opera school really.

Me: (laughing) It is, huh?

He: Ya, I found out this one girl liked me but she went Young and the Restless on me.

Me: (still laughing) Really. What do you mean by that?

He: Do you watch Young and the Restless ever?

Me: I've seen it before, but I dont watch soap operas.

He: Well, my mom LOVES Young and the Restless. Anyway, see this girl said she wasnt gonna waste her time liking me when I liked another girl.

Me: That makes sense I guess. You crack me up.

He: I try.

(later in the conversation I mention again that he makes me laugh)

He: Im doing the best I can here, but Ive already used the Young and the Restless line on ya, and Im running out of material. I need some new lines.

the elements as they say are coming together, sir.

2006-07-11T16:32:00.000-05:00

i pine, i plead, i parish. we all miss the days of 'yore (and i'm not refering to the time where apothecary tables reigned - think "friends") but rather the days of that tgif classic, full house. america's sweetheart jodie sweetin (the famed stephanie tanner) has gotten herself into a bit of a pickle since the show as tiffany so elequently pointed out here among other things, and if that weren't enough, it appears that the days of singing "i saw the sign" with gia and kimmy in the band are in fact dead and over. tying in with igford's (or doug's - i can't remember which) blog post here however, the beloved jodie sweetin appears to be making a "comeback" of sorts, although i don't know that her latest gig is anyone's dream job, since i bargain to say that some of you probably have had nightmares less gruesome.

the kc star tipped me off last week to not-so-sweetin's latest gig hosting the fuse network's second season of "pants off dance off" (starting july 18) in which people will be "dancing to a video in the background while undressing to their underwear." at your own risk/discretion, visit the website and join with me in thinking that being on what tv guide claimed to be "the dumbest show on t.v." is NOT a "comeback." that's got to be something you do on your way out of stardome, not on your way back in. danny tanner, where's your intervention now when she REALLY needs you? seriously.

TYOAA

2006-06-04T20:46:00.000-05:00

The Year of Adult Adoption.

Tiffany and I both agree it would be a great political platform for someone.

Death Metal

2006-05-31T09:10:00.000-05:00

beware of dumplings. especially ones that have an unusally shiny glow about them.

read here

the birth of cool

2006-05-22T22:42:00.000-05:00

i feel like a complete stud today. now, for a limited time only (i can only assume) i am among the top 8 myspace friends of one of my favorite bands, the waybacks. visit HERE to see the gloriousness that is me being among some very cool people on the internet. also check out their music because if not for that (and the walnut valley festival in winfield) i would not be who or where i am today. their new album and their live album are fabulous. thanks be to God, alleluia, alleluia.

also, ask my roommates about my fabulous talents clapping moths out of existence. i'm known now as the clapper tapper. and i'm coming to a bedroom near you. no "wink wink" intended.

sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

2006-05-19T09:16:00.000-05:00

that's a line stolen from the song "all at once" by the fray. it's a fabulous line and all too true of my current state of heart/mind. it's interesting how obedience to God in tough situations can be so freeing and set so heartbreaking at the same time. He never said the cost of following Him would be easy though. getting just a taste of the wonderful things He has in store for your future and then having to give it up to follow Him is just one of those twists in life that you hope you never have to do, but inevitably have to face. His promise is amazing - i know that He loves to give good gifts to His children and that life in His truth is the only life worth living, but that doesn't make hard times any easier. "the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. when a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field." His kingdom is worth my everything and i shall leave all i have to find Him and bring Him glory.

"Hey there cute."

2006-05-12T12:07:00.000-05:00

(I put on my sunglasses, assuming the guy in the car next to me is just talking on his cell phone)

"Hey beautiful. You lookin' cute girl." (he's talking to me)

"Uh, hey."

"Where's he at?"

"What?" (very confused look)

"Where's your husband at?"

"I don't have a husband."

"That's too bad. You need to find yourself a husband."

"Thanks for the advice."

"I'm looking for a wife. You interested?"

(I push on the gas as the light conveniently turns green, and I roll up my window)

Thanks to the 75th street and 71 Highway stoplight for making this car window marriage proposal happen. The guy was driving a rather pimpin' red and white Suburban though....just my taste.

the rhythm is gonna get ya

2006-04-19T10:49:00.000-05:00

i must confess that a major reason for me posting this nonsense is just so that i don't have to look at the picture of the spider when i go to my blog page anymore. i'm not even freaked out about spiders that much, but for some reason, i just cringe every time i see that. and i make some sound like "blahthathathahthah" with my tongue.

so i was at price chopper last night, and couldn't help but think that i must have a blog confession about my grocery store tendencies. i'm not really sure why music affects me the way it does, but on more than one occasion, my shopping experiences have rendered smiles and giddy girl squeals of delight thanks to the completely random music mix intermixed with "clean up on aisle two" or "today at your neighborhood price chopper, notice our sales on canned spinach. it's only 89 cents with your price chopper shopper card and is a great investment to make for your family's health." i find myself singing out loud or at least humming, and when no one is watching, even shakin' my booty a little bit, not gonna lie.

last night was no exception. i mean, where can you hear "come on shake your body baby do that conga" (gloria estefan - what a latin genius for real) which both makes me want to trill my r's in everything i say, and also wear white shorts with an americana ribbon in my hair and dip my hands and body in paint, while doing jazz hands on stage in a beauty pageant. shortly after i left the mexican food section, i found myself joyfully walking 'round the store with a strategic swaying motion to the sounds of "la bamba" and then found myself "expressing myself" out loud in song when madonna's musical directions told me to do so. real cool. i almost got caught on a few occasions, but i don't think i really would've cared that much. i mean, i'm pretty much a self-control sort of girl, and who has the right to condemn me for throwing caution to the wind once and a while.

so, bottom line, watch out. the rhythm is gonna get ya, especially if you're in a grocery store with me. next time, i think i'll spend more time in the produce section creating an exotic fruit hat and piecing together a coconut bra before continuing on with my shalinn one woman show choir tactics. that way my singing and dancing will seem more like a normal thing to do.

spider, man.

2006-04-17T14:30:00.000-05:00

so i received my first spider of the year this morning. no, i'm not refering to an annual award for being a spider, i'm just telling you that i saw a spider this morning. i was in the shower, he was on the ceiling, avoiding my general direction i might add, which i appreciated because if he had come close to being above my head, i probably would have called out explitives in the paranoia of the possibility that he would lose his little eight legged grip and plummet down on top of my wet head. he made his way out of my sight and ventured to the opposite end of the bathroom ceiling, which i found out after i was all squeaky clean. he stayed perfectly still in that corner until i went to leave, and i noticed him parading back across the ceiling towards the still damp shower area, with baton in hand pumping to the beats of "seventy-six trombones" so i can only assume he, like me is a "music man" fan.

i left, went to my room, checking the inside of my shoes for possible little guys before placing my feet in them, for i officially need to be careful that the baby mama has not spring, sprang, sprung her offspring inside the nooks and crannies in the dark places of my belongings. ah spring. new life, new creatures lurking around every corner. by the way, my "friend" was not to be found in the bathroom when i went back less than 10 minutes later. hiding? plotting his/her attack? i'll find out i'm sure.

oh, and i just thought i'd add that i've used the phrase "nooks and crannies" in not just this post, but also the last. it's apparently becoming a signature for me. nooks and crannies, out. oh, and stay classy igford.

pressure cooker....geez

2006-04-16T16:08:00.000-05:00

so apparently, i have some angry readers. i hadn't really noticed that i had been absent from the blog world for nearly a month, but work's been busy and i haven't had time or original thoughts ok? GET OFF MY BACK!

on a joyful note, Christ has risen! happy easter! he's got flowing hair now - much like that of fabio. why do people feel compelled to do this to the savior of the world? seriously....

now that the abrupt, awkward intro is over, i decided to post a few random "mother" musings to appease the two or three people that glance this way from time to time. time after time. thank you cindy lauper. these musings are i suppose of bewilderment, or bewilderbeast which is a pretty good album by "badly drawn boy" if you're into some experimental music, end scene.

i was driving home last week to oxford, kansas and viewing the big city's lights....wait, strike that, we don't even have any stoplights there....and was thinking how interesting my mother is. many of you that have encountered my mother or heard stories know what i refer to but here is a short list of facts. my mother is pretty obsessed with me getting married, or a least dating someone and then getting married and having babies because she doesn't want to be an "old grandma" but rather a hip, cool grandma. (she's also got this whole big plan about my parents living in a house with a pond behind it that has an island in the middle where my dad can build a fort and him and my children can paddle boat their way to the island, spend the night there and paddle boat back in the morning where my mom will have a big breakfast waiting for them.) anyway, we were discussing wedding showers because my cousin's getting married in may, and pretty much it came up that if i even went on a date with a guy, her and her co-workers would throw me a shower, no wedding necessary.

on my mother's mix cd of her favorite songs that she gave out to all of my immediate family members at Christmas, the song "mustang sally" is not just on there once, but twice.

so i'm moving in with sarah schultz in june and my mother was freaking out about the fact that i hadn't gone to look at sarah's house to fill out an inventory checklist of all of the nooks and crannies even though june is still a little ways away. this last week, she laughed in that "oh my goodness, i can't believe how irresponsible you are because you don't care about what i obsess about" way because i knew that sarah had a washer and drier but couldn't remember or didn't think to ask if she had a basement in her house. seriously. where are my priorities. oh ya, and my mom has asked me about the basement and washer/drier thing for probably a month now despite the fact that i keep giving her the same answer. who gives a rat's behind anyway? she constantly asks if sarah's house is south of I-70 too, and what her exact address is so my also obsessive aunt can drive by it to shoot out the windows, or to um, make sure it's in a safe neighborhood. who knew livin' in the 'dotte was going to be so traumatic for my family who's probably not even going to step foot inside the house except maybe once.

my mom is perhaps what's held me back from traveling by myself out of state or out of the country. trust me, she would be paranoid. i was driving from manhattan to kc on friday and she requested (on wednesday night) that i call her when i got back to kansas city so that she could know i got back okay. i'm 25 years old. cut the cord. i told her that that was ridiculous and that i wasn't going to call her. from now on, she could assume that no news was good news. i haven't talked to her since, so she probably thinks that i've moved north of I-70, am living with heathens and miscreants, listening to death metal while smokin' dope and doin' time with my deadbeat husband that i've neglected to tell her about. (see picture of my possible self in 20 years. really classy.)

Erin go bra.

2006-03-17T10:35:00.000-06:00

Autism + St. Patrick's Day = St. Autistic's Day, a day inspired by the blessed holiday of beer drinking, getting "jiggy" wit it, and many an attractive male kissing me because I'm Irish (some of you may be thinking, isn't that most nights for you Shalinn? and to that I say, go shamrock yourself - it's none of your business, unless of course you are one of the attractive males to which I referred, in which case I'm not going to be one to complain if you decide to come around more often than on the 17th of March). St. Autistic's Day (which actually occurred for me Wednesday, Mar. 15th) was actually a day of spiritual renewal of sorts, though it probably had more to do with “Lord” Michael Flatley than the Lord Jesus Christ and those such as St. Patrick who trinitized Ireland with his shamrock analogies and the subsequent removal of snakes/Satan.

The St. Autistic that has inspired generations to come: an 11-year-old male student that's on the autism spectrum and is currently going through puberty (he's the one that said "uh, your sister, she fine!"). As of late, he's been obsessed with Axe body spray and has been coming to school drenched in its aroma, not to mention bringing it to school everyday so that the minute he loses his stench, he can dip himself in the springs of cologne and become a man once more. This particular day his fellow student was wearing Bod body spray, so along with my freakishly warm room and my personal “Very Sexy for her by Victoria’s Secret” fragrance, the smells were a flyin’ and a mixin’ in that junior high dance where everyone’s overdone it on the perfume/cologne to try and be cool and individualistic but when you’re all together sweatin’ on the dance floor you wish everyone smelled like teen spirit instead of the entire fragrance counter at Dillard’s sort of way. Pa, you taught me that the scent of a woman’s hair can drive a man WILD, but needless to say, I’ll be monitoring the mixture of fragrances before I pick those students up again because that kind of wild is uncalled for.

So, we’re talking about some St. Patrick’s Day vocabulary and the “Axe” student is having a super hard time paying attention. Of course, since his mind is one place and his natural “feelings” regarding the opposite sex of which he is not cognoscente of in the slightest because he’s pretty low cognitively, he’s silently staring at my breasts for the majority of the time, and occasionally adjusting himself. This was not overly alarming as he is not the first student I’ve dealt with that has bodily responses of which he is not aware, but I had no idea what this student’s mind would do once it actually started to almost catch up with his body’s “thoughts.” Out of no where, he picks up the paper we’re working on, sits back in his chair and starts making up a story about me that began with something like this, “Once upon a time, Miss Ginn was a lovely lady. Miss Ginn was sitting in her chair. Miss Ginn was teaching her students……..(the student goes on and on coming up with random things to say about me, and then “concludes” his story with the following)….Miss Ginn has pretty brown, I mean, what color are they? (looks) Miss Ginn has pretty sky blue eyes and she is SO beautiful….and sexy.”

What a gift. Being called sexy by an 11-year-old who barely knows up from down. Very sweet kid, means well, but comes up with the most hilariously inappropriate things that would make my friend Sarah Schultz cringe, blush and say something in her “this is awkward get me the hell out of here voice” like, “Ohhhh. That’s nice.”

I'm N Luv (Wit a Snicker)....

2006-03-07T22:31:00.000-06:00

everybody always tends to ask me about what i do for a living, and when i try and explain to them that i'm not a teacher even though i work at an elementary school, they just get confused. and when i try to explain what a language disorder is, i get blank stares.

this being said, however, i do feel obliged to share some of the crazy-ass school quotes i have because sometimes work stories are just plain funny. here are a few of the recent doozies.

1. my coworker/friend andrew stops me in the hall today and tells me that one of his students (normally developing mind you) wrote a song this morning called "i'm n luv wit a snicker" - and she wants to bite it, chew it... a brief time later i was walking back down the hall and heard one of his other students say to the rest of the class: "HAMMER TIME!" and start doing m.c.'s shuffle dance down the hallway. classic.

2. i have a student that often has trouble behaving like he's supposed to, and in turn often acts very silly, not to mention that he has a language delay and is difficult often times to understand. yesterday, he grabs his nipples and starts saying "look at my nipples" in an effort to make the other student with him laugh. in an honest effort to try and make the student realize that having nipples does not make him special (and therefore deserve attention), i say "everyone's got nipples - not just you." his eyes got huge as he peers up at me and says "you've got them too? BOOBIES!" needless to say i was mortified at the can of worms i opened up, but luckily it quickly resolved and i was able to divert the conversation to other places, besides body parts.

3. another student of mine has this thing with saying "talk to the hand" frequently. mind you, the word hand is actually pronounced with the "ah" sound as in the name hans. this student also told me he likes to do karate and kung fu with his cousin - apparently he likes mixing british pronunciations with oriental body movements. what a combo.

4. i had a little girl student look at a picture of a black bird feather the other day and ask me if it was a burnt hot dog.

5. if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. my student that mentioned nipples in the same session kept farting. he of course finds that really funny, and would say "i fart" to draw additional attention to the behavior. oh, and this student doesn't say his /r/ sound correctly all the time. by the end of the session, i just gave up, and started saying, "it's not faht - it's fart. use your /r/ sound."

King Friday XIII said, "Ugh. Fortune cookies! Pitching bucket balls! Following balloons! What are these neighborhoods coming to?"

2006-02-28T22:10:00.000-06:00

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood - a beautiful day for a neighbor. would you be mine, could you be mine? won't you be my neighbor?

one of my mom's favorite stories to tell about my childhood is that one day when i was 3 or 4 years old i came up to her and said, "mom, mr. rogers loves me just the way i am." now, while you're either sighing as if to say "that's so cute" or rolling your eyes thinking "you've got to be kidding me" i'll say that no, i'm not kidding you, and i've come to the realization recently that the man that changed his sweater and shoes also changed my life. no, i'm not considering a career in puppeteering and i don't plan on singing rhyming songs for my roommates in commentary style, but i'm pretty sure that i may start asking people to "be my neighbor" in a non-sexual way so watch out world.

where do these thoughts of mine come from you ask? well, the other night as i was listening to a little dave brubeck quartet in my car (jazz music for those of you unfamiliar ones) it dawned on me that i probably can attribute many things in my life to my incessant watching of pbs shows such as "mr. roger's neighborhood." case in point, my love for jazz music (which was featured frequently by papa fred), my love for dancing (see video below), my vivid imagination ("hello trolley. do we have to back to reality now?"), my random sense of humor (let's just admit that along with being sort of creepy, those puppets had some funny things to say at times), and quite honestly, my faith in Christ (heck, fred rogers was an ordained pastor).

in a coffee table book my mom gave me entitled, "the world according to mister rogers" mr. r says this: "you don't ever have to do anything sensational for people to love you. when i say 'it's you i like,' i'm talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch...that deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive: love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war, and justice that proves more powerful than greed. so in all that you do in all of your life, i wish you the strength and the grace to make those choices which will allow you and your neighbor to become the best of whoever you are."

i echo his sentiments friends and am reminded of the frequently used, genuine words of the beautiful jenny behrens when she says "i like you." i like you readers, and would also be much obliged (and probably entertained) to hear about your own childhood heroes/influences. take a stroll down memory lane and be sure to say hi to mr. mcfeely on your way.

fat or thin? and true confessions

2006-02-22T19:06:00.000-06:00

well, first thing's first....

i probably should issue a public apology to my roommate and good friend tiffany for plagiarizing her masterpiece theatre-esque writing ability and copying her fine work and posting it on my blog, not once, but twice. although i will not reveal any names, i will say that two strapping lads put me up to it after i told them that i hadn't blogged for a while due to a lack of creativity and original thought. and, i guess i should also admit that multiple people were involved in making sure that tiff's posts would receive more comments on my blog than on her own, and well, that plan clearly succeeded. i feel very blessed to have such deceitful friends :) i did think it was weird that tiff would openly admit (through her comments) that she thought her own writing was crap and that she would say of her own thoughts "what the hell?" but then again, if you can't look at yourself and think "what the hell?" you're probably taking yourself too seriously.

next true confession - i had a truffle shuffle concrete at sheridan's tonight and it was flippin' amazing. i am a huge fruit with chocolate combination fan, but blackberries and chocolate truffle chunkits in vanilla custard? bow wow. nice dish. bow wow, delish! bulge - is that you?!

now, on with the show.................................

so today i wore my glasses for the first time in quite a while. i have day & night contacts which last for a month, but since i needed to switch out my contacts, i opted to wear my classy spectacles today. a picture of me (obviously) is below.

now, there is not much to say - or so i thought, until my friend/coworker tim made some well, interesting observations, that i must open up for opinion. so, first thing this morning when i pick up a couple of his students, tim tells me that i look smart (and i was thinking, that's because i AM smart). that comment was perfectly understandable. however, at lunch today, tim makes the comment that my glasses make my head look bigger, no wait, not bigger he corrects, thinner. so which one do you think it is? he then of course tried to say something about how he noticed the sides of my hair more, whatever that means. so, check out my sides. what you do you think?

now, if he would've said that i was sexy with my glasses on, i would have number one, said "ya right" or "you know that's sexual harassment and i don't have to take it," but at least i could've agreed with his assessment. i mean, going along with the true confessions part of this post, i do have to admit that i kind of hoped to look sexy with the whole i'm wearing glasses with my hair pulled back and wearing a blazer thing. i mean, there's probably a lot of stripper acts that start out that way. well, if not a lot, at least the strip show i put on in my room every night starts that way. was that crossing the line? tiff wouldn't think so. and thus this post comes full circle, end scene.

I'll Cry if it Saves Me Money...

2006-02-20T14:31:00.000-06:00

I can never talk my way out of tickets, ever. Unfortunately, I have the sometimes pain in the ass characteristic of telling it how it is. The inability to lie or cry when it would be most lucrative. So I find myself saying things like. "Yeah I know why you pulled me over. I was speeding." Very matter-of-factly, with very little emotion. Well, I got pulled over...again. I was so pissed off I started crying (because it is the 3rd time I have gotten pulled over for going 36 in a 25 when I didn't know I was in a 25.) Guess who didn't get a ticket for speeding?

I have compiled a list of things that do and do not work when trying to talk your way out of tickets (most are things I have actually witnessed or used)...

Do...(obviously a lot fewer of the dos because I always get the ticket)

1. be honest, and a good conversationalist. My mom once talked her way out of 5 tickets in a month because she told the truth, and within seconds had the officer chatting up a storm. One of those times she was with my girl scout troop. She was taking us to the prison, and you better believe she had that officer engaged in conversation about the jail.

2. If you actually have tears coming, use them to your advantage.

3. If you see the opportunity to flirt, do. (Sorry men, this may not be the best solution for you)

4. Stay calm. Even if you are crying this is crucial.

Do Not...

1. Get so upset you are crying but not breathing and wailing but not talking. It is a ticket, not an injection of deadly poison.

2. Get out of your car and start running. Specifically if you are a man in a thong leopard print leotard. Ick to the nth degree. Things I don't need to see, there are lots of them in that scenario.

3.Try and argue your way out of the ticket. For instance:
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Perp: Because you are either blind or can't read your radar gun...
Cop: You were going 50 in a 20, sir/ma'am.
Perp: No I wasn't. The road was slippery and I was on a hill. My brakes weren't working, and I think I am coming down with the flu so my eyes are really itchy.
Cop: Yes you were, and it's 85 degrees and dry, how was the road slippery?
Perp: oil spill? *wink*

4. wink

5. Get so pissed off you have to be tasered.

p.s. For those of you who gave really great input on the last post I have chosen not "nauty codpiece, " but ROLLICK for the name of my line. Thanks for all your really thoughtful input. It was really, um, well not at all helpful actually. It did make me laugh though. An update on all things rollick to come within the next couple days.

The reason I am not an "inventor"

2006-02-19T22:03:00.000-06:00

There is a reason my creativity is being harnessed in the wonderful industry of insurance. It is because when I come up with ideas for new things, inventions if you will, they are absolutely horrible. Today my idea's were centering around some sort of board game. A game that asks what celebrity had a propensity for what drug. (I know, I know I'm kinda playin it fast and loose with the word invention.) Questions would read something like this. Which child star's boredom in her early 20's led to her addiction to Methamphetamines? Ding Ding Ding Who is Stephanie Tanner. CCCOORREECCCTT! And then there would be information about that drug on the back of the playing card. For instance "This drug is the reason you can't get any Friggin' sudafed when you go to target at 9 pm and the pharmacy is closed." Who doesn't want to play that game? I think it sounds like at least 5 minutes of fun. Alright not really, but it is informative. We all know how well informative games sell. Maybe there could be a whole line of Warning games. The perils of alcohol. Different types of STD's. Ahhh. (That's a scream not Aww how cute those kitties would be if I stuck them in the blender...sorry Amy) Flashbacks to 8th grade and the co-ed slide show viewing of real life STD's. Talk about scare tactics. Making 13 year olds view stranger's sickly special places in a room with the opposite sex, NOT NICE!! I was a very shy girl then, I could barely spread a rumor let alone herpes. So no STD game. I will spare those pre-teens with parents who want to talk about sex with them in a "cool" way the pain. Instead I will invite them to any family event with me. They think talking to their parents about sex isn't fun try my grandma. Talk about fun, I got your fun right here.

is it buck naked, or butt naked?

2006-01-21T21:16:00.000-06:00

This is my first guest blog/interview. Welcome Erin.

-Hi Shalinn, how's it hangin'?

Don't ask me that. I'm not a dude. So, well, um, I hear that you've had quite the rounds in the boxing ring that is your dating life. Care to share a few of the punches with my reading audience?

-Sure. Damn it's good to be here. Wow, thanks no, stop clapping everyone. So you might say that I have a few dating troubles. Trouble is I meet the cream of the comb-over crop, who take the suggestion of using accurate words a little to far. Here is a list of the Mike Tyson's I've dated, all in code names to protect their anonymity, but just check out www.erinsbaddates.net for the full list of names, addresses, and some really funny jokes.

-Round 1: Aorta boy.
This date didn't start going bad until I opened the door. I didn't realize I had taken a time machine in the hair department back to 1985. His first question to me, "Do you like Flock of Seagulls?" and I said, "No, but I can see that you do." It was a sweeping long bang thing starting from the crown of his head coming forward almost over his eyes, and in the back a long greasy stick-to-the nape of the neck mullet. As Tiffany said, "It was the freakin' weirdest thing I've seen." So his hair was weird, forgivable, but them came the talking. And then in a moment where awkward silences can get the best of us, He pulls out a little something he learned that week in medical school. Yeah I thought it would be cool to date someone that was going to be a doctor, NOPE. He started thumping on his chest with his palm over his heart, his eyes far off thinking. I kind of just stared, wondering what the hell he could possibly be thinking about. How much he loves me already? Is he about to read poetry in a breathy whisper? How am I going to tell pelican man I don't want his love poetry or whispers? Well I didn't have to worry about that, turns out he was searching for some Aorta phenomena. Deal closed. Take me home and leave me there.

Shock me doctor, I think my heart's stopped. Any other medical mysteries at the big show?

-Round 2: contender: obgyNO
Another doctor in training. This one was in his third year, meaning doing his rotations and therefore more familiar with anatomical parts. Clearly the desensitation rituals of med school had not only worked but exceeded anyone's expectations. He was doing his Gyno rounds and didn't hesitate to fill me in on the gory details. It wasn't....pleasant. I think the dealbreaker was the moment he used the phrase "separate the labia". I crossed my legs.
I stupidly gave him a second date. One chance to redeem his verbal offenses. It was at the end of the date, when the argument occurred. That right there, (a fight on the second date) probably an indicator that this one wouldn't go the distance. The following exchange took place:
me: "I like salsa dancing"
him: " God sends dancers straight to hell and makes them whip baby seals with electrical cords."
Okay he didn't say that, but he definitely made it clear that dancing was a SIN!!!
me: "But dancing is so fun!"
him: "Sex is fun."
him:"Okay I'll call ya..."
Never got that phone call.

Did you really want a phone call from him? I wouldn't want a man that functions similarly to a leather bustiere - you know, it lifts and separates. Any more doozies?

-Round 3: Contendor: Mister I have less personality than a bar of soap
Not much to report. Unless you want to hear about no conversation. Date etiquette typically indicates a man should escort his date to her car if he did not drive her. Let's just say he walked to a car, just not mine, and not with me.

-Round 4: Contendor: He's no Maverick
Attraction: yes. Reciprocal: yes. Good conversation: YES. Bastard: Without a damn doubt.
The only thing notable. I got hit in the face with a frisbee about 3 hours before the date causing me to appear as if I had a run in with a syringe of collagen...it won. Melanie Griffith watch out.

Seems like if these guys were into reality t.v., they'd be on "The Biggest Loser." Where's Courtney to sing the fake-karaoke Cher themesong when you need her? Anyway, I'd like to thank you Erin for being on my blog, and I'd like to give a shout out to tonight's sponsor: Tiffany Matalone. Big surprise there, eh? Ginn, out.

quoteables

2006-01-06T14:33:00.000-06:00

"i gotta use it real bad!"

"my grandpa was driving real fast. we listened to music. like kanye west. i ain't sayin' she a gold digger."

"i feel like i keep hitting only red lights. the red lights of my life."

"no! tell me before the fire alarm goes off so i can cover my ears. (covers ears) is it going off yet?"

"i didn't get to eat breakfast this morning. can i have some candy?"

"that your sister? UH! she fine...."

"why you got a cd on the wall? (points to my dry erase board)"

"how do you make my watch spin around faster?"

"i wouldn't need a tutu - i'd need a four-four."

"on friday the 13th, me and jane ann would like for you to come with us after school......oh, and we're going to the 75th street brewery."

Jesus - is that you?!

2006-01-03T15:41:00.000-06:00

So I was laying in bed the other night thinking about the last year and what was or was not accomplished. I also got to thinking about my life and how my thoughts on Christ and who He is has changed in 2005. I realized among other things, that a big desire for my life was to become more like Christ each year that I live, and I have to admit that I question how I've become more like Him this last year. I've learned so much this year about myself and how I see Christ and God, but can I say that I've become more like Him?

So, I guess mostly for my own benefit, I'm going to "journal" about three lessons I've learned, and see if I've let those lessons change me more into Christ-likeness.

Lesson #1: If you believe satan's lies long enough, you'll start thinking of them as truth from God.

One year ago, coming off of the toughest time in my life in graduate school, I was at my life's lowest, thanks mostly to the fact that I thought that my failures and struggles with schoolwork and the intense fear that I lived in was God's will. In turn, I believed that I was a failure for Christ because my struggles and lack of success were not going to to be a beacon of light to anyone, and were not going to allow other people to see Christ in me. What I learned was that the guilt and shame that I felt as a result of my failures were not what God wanted to show me, and that being open and honest about my struggles could have the potential to show God even more to people than my successes.

Lesson #2: I've got to ask for help when I need it, and sometimes even when I don't.

Asking for help includes asking God, asking authority figures, asking peers, and asking those that are younger than me. I've been fighting with my independence my whole life, and still struggle greatly with it to this day. I want to be self-sufficient and figure things out on my own to such a great degree that I don't always utilize my resources of God and others. I fear that asking for help will make me look lazy, incompetent, not confident in my abilities, etc. and because I at least want to appear to be "good" at what I do, I don't ask for the support that I often need. I've at least started to learn to pray for even little things, and to not be afraid to ask for prayer when I need it because it can not only benefit me, but also allow God to be used through the body of believers which is of benefit to His kingdom and those who graciously choose to bear my burdens. Asking people for their help is an area that's even harder than me asking God, but I'm slowly learning that asking instead of assuming or doing things myself often saves time and can better insure the quality of whatever it is that I'm doing. Authority figures are in (or at least should be in) authority because they have a greater knowledge than I do, and they're there so that I can learn from their knowledge. If they get annoyed from me asking them questions, that's more often their problem and not mine. Even when things are going well, it doesn't hurt to check in every now and again, and ask for assistance when it's not necessarily needed - I've learned that you can learn things better when you have to teach them, and letting people be the gift of a teacher, no matter their age or status can be very impowering to that person teaching.

Lesson #3: God is good, and so are His gifts.

This seems like a given, but being a person that tends to see their own short-comings to a far greater degree than the goodness of God, it's profound to me. Because of my personal world and self-views, I like to think that what I do and don't do has an affect on how God views me and how He loves me, but that really isn't true. I kept trying so hard to better myself and linked my acceptance in God's eyes with my abilities and successes so closely that I ended up having a warped view of how God sees me. I learned a great deal about grace and God's love for me, and though I realize that God's grace does not mean that He's not going to care if I sin, He is going to love me regardless. I hold onto sins for a much longer period of time than God does, and realizing this has freed me in so many ways. I'm still learning that God wants good things for me, and that He wants to give me those good gifts. It's a positive exercise for me to think about the good gifts He's given me, and so here's some highlights of that goodness this year: coming out of depressioin, finishing graduate school, getting a job that pays the bills, getting a new, running car that's far nicer than any i've ever had before, moving to KC, Christ Church and the opportunity to be a part of a small group/part of the worship team/Alpha, my roommates, snow days, the Walnut Valley Festival and friends to share it with, oh, and seeing that guy standing in a towel in his living room (as I was driving by a random house - it was pretty funny - not gonna lie).......

The "Christ-like" factor/what these lessons have shown me: I guess I've for the first time in my life started to really appreciate the human side of Christ and not just his diety. I have a greater heart to know the struggles of others, I recognize that everyone has struggles and lies they believe, and I've experienced the grace of God to such a great degree that I really feel like in many ways, I've learned it for the first time. I want non-Christians and Christians alike to see and receive this truly free gift that will change the way that they view themselves, others, and God. If I let these things help me to love others more, and reach out to those that are hurting (which let's just be honest, is everyone), then maybe I can take what I learned in '05 and let it mold me more into an apprentice of Christ in '06. I don't know how much I let that happen in the last year, but I hope that I will be able to see progress in the future. I still have a ton of issues to work out, but I have to try and let myself be changed more into His image, and realize that He loves me and loves the fact that I'm trying, even if my efforts aren't up to His or my standards.

Peace and grace to all my readers......and a life-giving new year! Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Shalinn: Real Facts

2005-12-29T14:11:00.000-06:00

So I've decided to post about some "real facts" about myself. Take it or leave it.

Real fact #207: I don't like lettuce "on" things.

Not on tacos, not on sandwiches, hamburgers, anything of the sort. I will eat salads and lettuce wraps however.

Real fact #153: I am obsessed with pastel chocolate cherries from the Nifty Nut House in Wichita.

Mmmmmm. Tasty bit o' heaven.

Real fact #84: I really like the voice of country singer Clint Black.

And I readily claim not to care for country music.

Real fact #59: I have on more than one occasion seriously considered buying a stripper workout video.

Don't judge - my future husband would hopefully appreciate it someday, and the people on the infomercials claim that it's a good toning workout.

Real fact #126: I love the color of pink that can only be found at dusk right after a Kansas sunset.

I saw the most georgeous sunset the other night driving back to my parent's house - it was so beautiful I couldn't stop thanking God for it.

Real fact #32: For years, I have had the uncanny ability to notice the location of the moon during daytime.

My mother claims that this was one of my favorite things to point out when I was a child, and for some reason I get a small, nerd high when I notice it now as an adult.

Real fact #05: I often have very vivid dreams that blend reality with fiction and also give me the ability to play the role of myself and a bystander simultaneously.

Reality with fiction example: A couple of weeks ago, I had a dream that Don Chaffer patted me on the butt as a salutation. Have I met Don? Yes, but I've only spoken with him a couple of brief times. Why the heck in my dream he number one acted like he knew me well, and number two thought it was okay to pat me on the butt is beyond me. I remember looking over at Lori during the dream after it happened, and she didn't seem to think it was weird either.
Myself and bystander example: Last night I dreamed that I was an actress in a movie about four friends' struggle to survive a massive landslide. When I was not the one doing the acting however, I was watching four people do the acting, and conversing with the director who was talking to me as if I was still acting in the scene.

Real fact #170: I could never live alone.

I'm pretty sure that I would like it for musical purposes only (I have this weird thing about preferring to play piano and sing when I'm by myself - I often abruptly stop playing the minute someone walks in the door - maybe it's because I'm my biggest fan, or because I have major fears of musical rejection, and a major fear that I will annoy people in general, not just musically). Being by myself so much would probably cause me to buy plants and talk to them instead, and I would probably in turn crawl into a hole because I would not want to "annoy" my friends by emailing/calling them.

Well, this post will now come to a close - a furry creature is now pacing around our dining room table and whining to be let out, and back in, and back out, and back in. Those of you that have been to my residence know what furry phenomenon I speak of. God save the queen.

"grand"mothers during holidays

2005-12-27T10:42:00.000-06:00

so i thought about writing about the joys and the anti-joys of the holiday season, but decided just to stick with the focused topic of my grandmothers. these stories are doozies, and i hope that it gives y'all a sneak peak into the wackiness of my family.

nutty thanksgiving moment: so my cousin is getting married in may and asked my dad to do the wedding (he's a pastor). he said no - he has a policy that he won't do family weddings because he can't be objective enough during pre-marriage counseling. my cousin understands. no hard feelings. UNTIL my grandmother (dad's mom) and my aunt (dad's sister) get to talking. and what do they do? call and gripe at my mother about how awful it is that my dad won't do the wedding and how could he do this to them and how they won't even tell my uncle about it because they know he would fly off the handle and how my cousin is sooo upset about it. so, my dad calls my cousin and gives in and says he'll do the wedding. and he finds out that my cousin didn't know this was going on, and was never upset about anything. thanks grandma. (by the way, we also were told that it was going to be nice not to have my immediate family at the big family thanksgiving dinner because they would not have to have turkey since none of them liked turkey anyway- apparently for all of these years they've made a turkey just for my parents, sister, and i - who knew?)

funny thanksgiving moment: see my blog post with my grandmother's (mom's mom) recreated drawings.

scary Christmas moment: my greatgrandmother (dad's grandma) lives in a nursing home in the town i was born in (about 15 minutes from the town i claim as my hometown). apparently two days before Christmas she tells my aunt that my dad's having an affair with a lady that's been friends with our family for a long time, who's also the hospice nurse who's been calling on my greatgrandmother. she's apparently told this lie to other people in the nursing home. well, to make a long story shorter, my dad had to go in and confront my greatgrandmother about it. she eventually admitted to making the whole thing up, and hopefully the rumor won't continue to circulate like small town rumors can. the family was so irritated with her that apparently, she was purposefully left out of the Christmas day activities with her sons, daughters, and grandchildren.

side story from long ago: i found out from my mom that this greatgrandmother (mentioned above) has quite the potty mouth. i guess that not long after my mom and dad got married, my dad's cousin backed out on her wedding day. another one of his cousins was to be married soon, and my mom made the mistake of commenting to my dad's aunt, "you don't think she would back out on her wedding too do you?" well, this got around to my great-grandmother (no one keeps their mouth shut in my family apparently) and she cussed my mom up one side and down the other. my mom says she's never been cussed at by anyone like she was from my greatgrandmother (there was lots of the f word, with other choice wordage). this happened over 25 years ago and to this day, my mom has not been in a room alone with my greatgrandmother.

happy holiday story: my other living greatgrandmother (mom's grandma - who's still to this day one of the wisest people i know) is turning 104 on january 1st. happy birthday grandma! she has not cussed out anyone in my family to my knowledge, and her mind is still so sharp that each and every one of her children, grandchildren, greatgrandchildren, and greatgreatgrandchildren gets a birthday card on his/her birthday. fun story about her - i found out in an interview i did with her last year that she dated someone while she was engaged to my grandfather - with his permission! grandpa was also the 4th man to propose marriage to her - she must have been quite a catch :)

well, my family has one last Christmas celebration this evening (on my dad's side none-the-less) so we'll see what stories unfold there. my, this is long, and there's many more stories i could tell. i have nothing else better to do in oxford, kansas than sit at the computer so at least this ate up some time! what did i do to pass the time when i lived here for 7 years? oh, that's right - i lost weight by playing volleyball, cheerleading, and making out with my boyfriend - ah how times have changed!

my grand inspirations for the new year

2005-12-19T21:33:00.000-06:00

i had no idea that the "Snapple: Real facts" book that i received from my principal at school today would contribute to the contemplative mood that i've been in for the last month or so, but it has rocked my world. it seems as if the following revelations will not only reframe my thoughts about the past, but also change my thinking as i embark upon 2006. these all happen to be related to weight loss, which is an atypical thing for me to think about around holiday season (unlike many women), but it will be on my mind this next year!

"real fact" #109 - smelling bananas and/or apples can help you lose weight.

finally an excuse for me continually buying these items, and not actually eating them.

"real fact" #167 - you have to play ping pong for 12 hours to lose one pound.

ping pong. not worth the wait.

"real fact" #98 - when the moon is directly overhead, you weigh less.

which is why i look better at night than in the day time.

"real fact #108 - licking a stamp burns 10 calories.

it's probably because stamps taste like deuce and you end up making a nasty face after you lick them (see below).

"real fact" #103 - frowning burns more calories than smiling.

i smile too damn much - number one, because that's just the way i am, and number two, to try and attract men (for some reason, i've realized that smiling and laughing are my only two methods of "flirting" - ya, guys don't pick up on that). if i would frown and scowl at them, i'd lose weight. after i achieved my new thin look, i would maybe get a man, and then cancel out my reasoning for smiling and laughing at them in the first place.

and finally....the most revolutionary "real fact"......

"real fact" #102 - a one-minute kiss burns 26 calories.

this one really gets to me. it makes me really want a man. if i made out with him for 30 minutes a day, i would not only enjoy myself and potentially find a lifelong companion, but also lose 780 calories per makeout session! the gym would not even be a necessity. this impacts my past the most as well. it's no wonder that i weighed less in high school - read the following scenario: a typical fall friday night (particularly my junior/senior year) - go to volleyball practice, go cheerlead at a football game, come home and make out with my boyfriend for 2 hours. and the rest of the weekend? volleyball tournaments all saturday long, and significantly more making out which meant, a substantial amount of calories lost. NOW - fast forward through the last 7 years: amount of exercise = well, less - at some some points, next to none. amount of making out - ONE time during the last 7ish years (ya, um don't try to guess who it was - you don't know him). and only TWO other kisses that may have burned me 52 calories total.

CONCLUSION: do i weigh more now than i used to? yes. and theoretically, until i get married/get in a serious relationship, i just may continue to gain weight because i won't have that extra built in calorie burner. if that doesn't happen for me soon: out comes the banana and apple perfumes, my melancholy state that will promote frowning, and nighttime escapades of wetting postage in the moon light. with any luck, God will send me that special someone in 2006 - and stamps won't be the only thing i'm lickin'..... ;)

I would walk away too if I had to listen to this all Christmas long

2005-12-09T15:19:00.000-06:00

So, this audioblog is of a song by a Mr. Daniel L. Lovell. I really feel that he takes an interesting look at how Joseph must have felt, and thought that it would "brighten" your holiday season. Oh, and by the way, this man comes and plays at my parents' church in Oxford on a quarterly basis. I have copies of his CD "Stayin' at the Earth Motel" if anyone would like one. It's very special, and I've heard that it's this year's hottest stocking stuffer next to a lump of coal. This man means well, but he is perhaps the reason I've never recorded any of my own original songs......

low budget plays and the pee that keeps butts in the seats

2005-12-07T07:47:00.000-06:00

so i figured that since tiffany can talk about her childhood play productions, i could talk about mine. back in a Christmas of yore, i too wrote, directed, produced, and co-starred in a low budget production of "three blind mice." it most closely resembled the modern day hit musical "CATS" which as chandler from friends so elequantly put it, "it's people. dressed as cats." and that's basically what we were, my cousins kyane and codi and i. i remember preparing for what was probably hours in front my grandma's bedroom mirror attached to the closet door. we were all decked out in our new same print, different colored cat shirts and pants and were attempting to reenact that beloved children's song which basically is not only politically incorrect, but probably responsible for the loraina bobbit's of the world (you know, with the running after other women and the subsequent cutting off of apendages). we would stand at different levels as to mess with the depth perception of our viewers, we obviously danced and sang, and we also managed to stretch the one act play about a 15 second song into 10 or 15 minutes of pure mouse bliss.

so, it was time to strut our stuff in front of our mothers and grandmother who had busily been working to clean up the Christmas dinner dishes in the kitchen. we waited on them forever to finish and kept talking up our juvenille talent as actors slash singers slash rappers slash dancers. we were the original rapper tappers. i'm sure we read, what was oddly enough one of my favorite signs to read in my grandmother's kitchen, "please do not tamper with the cook's buns" about 20 times before the show was to go on. and then, finally, it was our big moment. i'm sure we introduced ourselves as if we were unknown to our female family members who birthed us, and then we began. unknown to me at the time of the start of this production however, was my mother's dier need to use the restroom. she stood there patiently and watched us perform, and of course kept thinking, "oh - they've got to be done soon" which of course was wrong since i'm sure we performed that sucker forever until it was just perfect. with each passing minute my mother's legs crossed tighter and tighter, until finally, she blurts out a yelp, with tears streaming down her face, doubling over in laughter as she's peed herself waiting for us to finish. that's right. our performance was so tony worthy that my mother peed her pants because she didn't want to miss the show. to this day, my cousins and i are reminded of that story every Christmas and told by my mother that if our children put on similar low budget productions, we have to be just as "polite" as my mother was. thanks mom.

mold, pictures, and thongs

2005-11-24T22:49:00.000-06:00

so here's some of the holiday stories from turkey day that i feel should be imparted to my loyal readers....

STORY 1. the day started off pretty good i guess - i got up and my mom was already busy in the kitchen, as per usual - she had been cooking for days. after i had finished my panera cinnamon crunch bagel (which was delish), the macy's thanksgiving day parade came on, which let's just be honest, is just a way for 100 child broadway actors to do a cheesy lip sync and dance routine about how they're thankful for their cell phones (that really did happen - it "kicked off" the parade). my younger sister of course said that she was going to get up to watch this televised cheese ball with balloons and bands event, but of course meandered out of bed about 11a.m., just in time for the dog show which followed the parade. prior to her awakening, came a disturbing occurance from the kitchen from which the following quotes bellowed:

"i don't think it's supposed to look like that"

"do you think they're all like this?"

"it's all over my hands now and they stink"

no, it was not what your dirty little mind was thinking. it was pretty dirty however. as my mother cut into the packaging of not just one, but two turkeys, she found them not only to be frozen solid (even though they had been thawing since saturday), but also covered with a brown film and mold. sick. so, we called dillons, complained, and loaded up the mystery meat in sacks which my dad took with him to dillons to prove that we weren't lying. while i was at home clorox wiping the entire kitchen, he got two new, fresh breasts.......of turkey and all was right with the thanksgiving world.

STORY 2. for some reason when my mother's side of the family gets together for holidays, games tend to be involved. last year, was my mom's craze of "chicken foot" (aka dominos), and this year, is was "hoopla." of course, my grandpa and my dad spent a good 15 minutes figuring out how to set up the easel for which "some assembly was required" before we were able to play, but that's beside the point. the actual game is basically pictionary, and after we spent 10 minutes listening to my grandmother number everyone off and then start yelling at everyone for being on the wrong teams, we decided for a guys vs. girls game. us women should've seen it comin', but basically we got spanked (the men of course said that if they won, then the women would be cleaning up dinner and doing the dishes, which let's just be honest, was really their plan regardless of if they won or not). the highlight drawing (if you can call it high) was my 13 year old cousin's exceptional drawing of mahatma ghandi. the lowlight, yet mentionable drawings were as follows:

1. my grandmother's drawing of "the great wall of china" which, i'm not joking, looked exactly like this:

and what's even weirder is that my sister guessed it

2. my mother's drawing, after complaining for at least a good minute and 1/2 of our 3 minute time limit that she had no clue who this person was:

what? you can't figure it out either? it's bono. ya, that's right, the u2 lead singer, which my mom of course pronounced as bone-o when she asked "how the heck am i supposed to know who bono is?"

3. my grandmother - at it again. our clue was "who" (which meant it was supposed to be a person).

ya, um, we guessed, cowboy several times, oklahoma cowboy, boomer sooner, oklahoma state cowboys, rodeo clown, etc. anything we could come up with. that of course, was all wrong. it's not a lasso that the cowboy is holding - it's a guitar. like my grandma said "it's garth brooks - you know like when he smashes his guitar. i saw his show in oklahoma you know - if my dancing friends were here they would've guessed it."

hoopla. interesting game.

STORY 3. this is really a miniature tidbit to wrap up this post, but i just thought i'd better let it be known that the last comments coming out of my cousins and aunt/uncle were things like "grandma's needing some thongs" and "grandma's looking at thongs again." enough said.

happy holidays :)

flower pot's not goin' to the slammer

2005-11-04T15:00:00.000-06:00

to get a letter from the state saying that you're illegally working and have basically committed a class B misdemeanor that is upon conviction, punishable as provided by law is not what you want to hear when you get home from work on a thursday after sitting through a 3 1/2 hour meeting where you only got to actually speak for about 10 minutes.

this is where i found myself yesterday though - holding the fateful letter, bursting into tears at the fear of what was ahead, already frantic because my bedroom door had been shut by someone (or something) other than myself and i had already caused a near hernia as i cussed at the doorknob and spent like 5 minutes before i was able to jiggle the knob just right and enter my crimson walled abode. the flood of emotions continued to pour as i told my wet, newly showered, in a towel roommate erin about her new convict roommate who she probably would be seeing for the last time because i thought i was either going to lose my job and not be able to pay rent, and/or was headed right for the state pen for 5-10. after some prayers, friends, pizza, finding out that clay on the apprentice was gay, and that zoe was in fact born in 1990 and had had several sexual partners, i lay awake until midnight worrying, my orange jumpsuit folded on the edge of my bed, ready to go (i just had one last finishing touch with the bedazzler left).

as i woke up this morning thoughts raced through my brain and i got to work at 10 after 7 - ready to face the guillotine. i stuck my head in the chopping block, prayed for the Lord to take me now, and picked up the phone....

keep reading because this is where my story takes a turn for the better (although i know that most of you were giddy at the thought of me in an orange one-sy and the very unlikely, but possible conjugal visits i was to receive)....

so, this all said, through a series of phone calls and emails, the state department of education lady is pulling some strings for me, and my supervisor and my head boss were completely understanding about the paper-work screwups that led to the infamous letter and assured me that i would not lose my job and would not be found in handcuffs on fox news tonight at 5, 6, and 10 (they had no way of knowing that i actually would be on the news tonight because i decided to strip down to my skibbes in front of some construction workers downtown). so, the bulk of the day's craziness should be over right?.....but not quite yet.

after hand delivering some documents downtown (this was after the skibbe incident of 2005), i proceeded to the gas station because of course, i was on empty. i had no idea that the the bp would bring me anything other than gas (the fuel for my car kind, mind you), but in addition, i was given the grand prize. a new nickname. there was a man walking around after i exited the station that yelled out to me, "hey flower pot! you're looking good today. are you going home already? would to like to have some new women's perfume?" i told him that i was on my way back to work (which i was actually happy about doing considering the day's events), and was not interested. flower pot, eh? this is a day that will live in infamy.

ma wuj....

2005-11-02T12:50:00.000-06:00

ma wuj, ma wuj is what bwings us togetha today......

in having a discussion about marriage with a friend the other day, the comment was made - "i just wish i knew whether or not God has plans for marriage in my future. i mean, there's so many things that i would start doing now if i knew that i wasn't going to get married - like have sex."

"that is brand new information!" as phoebe would say. i had no idea this friend was so scandalous :)

...that dweam wifin a dweam.....

some quotes about marriage i decided to cite here:

The Japanese have a word for it. It's Judo -- the art of conquering by yielding. The Western equivalent of judo is, 'Yes, dear.' ~ J. P. McEvoy

Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first. ~ Billy Sunday

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. ~ Agatha Christie

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. ~ Woody Allen

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty. ~ Woody Allen

this great land of ours

2005-10-27T16:45:00.000-05:00

so as to not disappoint my three (maybe 4) readers, i have decided to blog today with a mixture of stories from my past week.

1st: i had a conversation a couple of days ago with a student because when asked what the document was that dictated the laws and ideas of the country of the united states, he replied "the constipation." he did not know what constipation meant, and therefore, i got to explain it him. thank goodness, today in therapy he remembered his error of yore and laughed as he carefully said "the constitution."

dos: two of my co-workers have been trying to get me to go out and party with them on fridays after school. these two fellows last friday when asked what they were going to do said, "well, i'm going to go over and watch tim clean his apartment." tim added, "yes, i wear a full spandex body suit when i clean." needless to say, i did not participate in such viewing activities. on monday i asked tim how his cleaning experience was and he said that he cut the crotch out of his spandex outfit and then demonstrated how he sat around his apartment (he put a leg up on the desk and leaned back in his chair). disturbing (and yet funny). and these guys are educating the children of kansas city.

twee (as my little 2nd grade student would say): an unnamed member of my family was recently giving me suggestions about how to pick up guys. this person's suggestion was that i tell the guy that i need help with my car. when this guy comes and helps me, i attach jumper cables to his nipples and jump start him. huh?

God help me.

three wishes

2005-10-24T15:30:00.000-05:00

God help her, my friend tiffany was talked into watching amy grant's new "hit" show "three wishes" in which amy apparently sets up a tent in hicksville, america and helps enrich people's lives by letting them become stewardesses for a day and take a bath in a crapload of spaghetti noodles (wait, that's the wrong show). with the exception of tiffany (thank Jesus), in a room of mutual friends, the tears apparently flowed like the salmon of capistrano, while some old lady became part of the mile high club and then sang with the grant-ster in a mini-concert which coincidentally accompanies every episode of the friday night television program. for those of you "baby baby" or "every heartbeat belongs to you" fans reading this blog, i would like to save you some time, and direct you to more appropriate sites, because this blog is not for you. i will not be participating in such activities as watching this show, holy and tear-jerking as i'm sure it is, and will continue to prefer mind boggling activities such as sleeping or sitting in silence. until next time then, here's some thoughts on wishes from my "friends" at despair.com, and i pray that you too will be singing the should-be hit theme song, "i'm amy grant in a bottle- come, come, come on and let me out."

i was all by myself

2005-10-17T17:00:00.000-05:00

warning: this particular blog should not be viewed by those that cannot appreciate dirty humor. i originally published this without adding this disclaimer, but i was embarrasing myself just thinking about the rumors that would spread like the bird flu about me. proceed with caution, and please, do not judge. i did not set out to go this direction, but this is where it went.

as she peered inside the hole she knew not where her explorations would lead her. "carry on," she thought to herself, "it must be done." carefully, she expanded her mind and the opening which begged to be filled with something only she could offer. she inched her way in, taking a brief moment to stop and look at her surroundings, and was pleasantly pleased at what she saw. she continued to creep deeper into the dark void which lay ahead of her, pressing the edges of the boundaries of the space she occupied and traveling further still. after what seemed like eternity, she felt the end approaching and arrived at her destination, hot, gasping for air, her hair in her face. "is this really worth it?" she contemplated. she took a brief moment to rest, thoughts racing through her mind like a whirlwind, believing that in that moment she was as close to insanity as she would ever be. she continued her task, at a more brisk pace this time, trying to reach every nook and cranny and leaving no space untouched. just a little further....come on....she was growing weary now, and letting out a sigh of desperation, decided that her mission had been accomplished to the best of her abilities. she slowly backed out of the hole, and began to see the light of day. as she finally made her exit back to reality, she took in a deep breath and realized that she would need some help to conquer this elusive space the next time around....

okay, okay, you may be asking yourself "who is SHE and why did shalinn write about her?" another good question would be to ask yourself "what the heck is this hole that 'she' went in and am i going to need to pray for my soul when i find out?" well.....

to clear up any misconceptions, "she" is me, and "the hole" to which i crawled in yesterday afternoon was that of my duvet cover. that's right. i was putting my duvet cover over my comforter on my bed for the first time, and it was quite an experience. i bought new bedding (thanks to my non-paying sponsors at target) for fabulous clearance prices, and thus, last night, i had an amazing experience in bed (i had to say it - couldn't resist). my slumber was grand, and not inappropriate, which is more than i can say for this blog.

pushing the lines of what is socially acceptable to blog about.....
-me

names, bands, and BET

2005-10-12T17:50:00.000-05:00

some would beg to ask "what's in a name?" and to them i reply with, "i hope absolutely nothing because probably everyone except my parents has botched my name at least once, and most people botch it on a regular basis - if my name is supposed to be representative of who i am, then i must be flailing around haphazardly like a seabass out of water because i have no official identity, as the various pronunciations of my name suggest". throughout my life i have been called a great many variations: shalinn (my actual name), SHAY-linn, shay-LEEN, shuh-LINN, shal (which i like), mal (which is my sister's nickname), shallee (which is reserved for the totsch whom i call mattee), shalipoo, shal-ba-gal, shuh-LINN gin, sha-naynay, and my personal favorite, shaniqwa (oh wait, no one calls me that - or at least i don't think they do....). case in point, the automated voice lady i talked to on the phone last night couldn't get it right when i not only pronounced it twice, but also spelled it twice. the following variations as repeated back to me were "shaleena - s.h.a.l.i.n.a" and "shalinn - s.h.a.l.y.n" needless to say, after what seemed like the 10th time of telling "her" she was wrong, she gave me another option and my identity was then claimed only through the means of that arbitrary set of numbers given to me to make sure that i am socially secure (even if my emotions are not - tear....).

but enough of the sob stories about the downfalls of my name (which i love by the way, and let's be honest is probably more original than your name). exciting news was brought to my attention sunday afternoon, just after i had sat down in my bathrobe to read my newspaper and smoke my pipe as i do on a fortnightly basis (oh wait, strike that) and i feel obliged to bestow this intense information to my readers. my name, yes, my name has been chosen to represent a musical group, otherwise refered to as "a band." "shalinn," the new hit sensation consisting of zach brown (guitar, vocals, blonde hair), megan mcadoo (guitar, sweet vocals, stelar personality), kristen lueck (cello, sparkling smile, bubbling reporter), and tim (percussion, radina's employee, man of mystery) is to debut it's newly decided name as they perform this friday in manhattan, ks (the magical home of the cats). i am much obliged as they embark on using my name in order to obtain some free coffee and bars, and play their little hearts out. rock out friends and although i'm honored that you arrived at this decision, please don't erase from your hearts all of the quality band name options that i gave you that you shut down.

and finally, on to the BET portion of this blog. this had nothing to do with my name, but did have to do with a brief argument between my students this afternoon regarding the names of an actress on BET. the argument: was it queen latifah or monique that played in barber shop? (or beauty shop - neither one of them really knew what they were arguing about). names. names. names. it's all relative to me.

'twas the best of times....

2005-10-05T16:00:00.000-05:00

i would just like to document some of the hilarious questions/comments that my students made to me today:

"miss ginn, have you ever met 50 cent?"
"miss ginn, what's your favorite cd - the beastie boys?"
"miss ginn, he gonna make me act a fool up in here, up in here"

and one of my favorite conversations:

question: "are you gonna be 50 cent for halloween?" (says one student to the other)
answer: "no! i'm gonna be him in 2007." (says the other student)
question: "so what are you going to be this year?" (says me)
answer: "darth vader." (which the student says in a deep growly voice)

it's days like this when i love my job.

feelin' hot! hot! hot!

2005-10-03T17:00:00.000-05:00

'twas not the most eventful of days, and i'm sorry to say that i do not have any funny student stories to share, nor intriguing tidbits of information to pass on to the bloggosphere society that is the 5 people that even know this blog exists. however, after working out for the last hour, i have a clear sense of at least knowing the current weather situation. two words: hot & stuck. the "hot" is self-explanatory, the "stuck" refers to the lack of air movement that made me either hallucinate or pretend as if i was roaming through the jungle with a machete chopping through the vast vegetation while looking for my next meal. the main downside - i have no large game to show for my efforts and i will have to resort to "price chopping" my way through the aisles in order to find anything worth eating. so, i'm off to conquer the beasts and penetrate my way through enemy lines. get behind me gordon schultz, i mean, satan.

background singers (as promised)

2005-09-30T12:30:00.000-05:00

so i googled "background singers" and was pleased to see that the following hits came up. the first one was for gospelflava.com and an interview with queenie lenox. the second was a website requesting background singers for shows in las vegas. the third hit was siting a quote by della reese which mentioned the background singers of ray charles, smokey robinson, and barry white, and the 8th hit was talking about background singers for kanye west. other hits mentioned college courses at berkley for background singers, background singers needed on a uk website for christian artists, and a grammy website which was discussing the need for background singers to look their best. so, i have concluded the following: to be a background singer is not only important, but is also my christian/gospel obligation as is my obligation to be in las vegas shows, be concerned with fashion and education, sing with famous soul artists, and say such intelligent things as "bah dah bah dah, bah dah bah dah Bah dah bah dah, bah dah bah" when singing along with my kanye west compact disc. lots of responsibility if you ask me. and, with that long list of obligations i would say it is not only worth getting paid for, but it's definitely worth the effort.

the (not) first time, but many, i'm sure

2005-09-29T13:58:00.000-05:00

i am capable of writing complete sentences - don't you worry. the title refers to the fact that this is my first of many thoughts on my blog. it's not my first time, but i haven't blogged in over a year, so for the one person (me) that's reading this now, there's my update (to myself).

so the question of the day is simply this, "is it weird that i'm eating cheez-its in my chicken noodle soup?" i've never done this sort of thing before, but i needed some extra change to buy a soda, so i bought the crackers out of the vending machine because that machine actually takes dollars. it's pretty tasty actually, so i guess my answer is either no it's not weird, or yes it is weird but i like it anyway so back off. side note: i also burned the poop out of my fingers with the hot soup today, so i have to smack myself for not bringing a hot pad with me to work. i'll wear an oven mit tomorrow.

well, i have approximately 4 minutes until i must see my next group of students for therapy, and so i will leave you now. tomorrow's question of the day will be "background singers: is getting paid to sing in phrases and hum really worth the effort?"

motivation (or lack there of)

2004-07-26T20:07:00.000-05:00

It's come. The end of my brain as I know it. For the last week of my life especially, I have come to realize that my brain has disappeared (some of you may have thought I lost it a long time ago, but no). It's acting like those stubborn little children that I give speech therapy to that just won't focus on the task at hand despite my best efforts. I only have one more week until this summer semester's over, but it has been my toughest yet, and I question myself everyday as to how and if I will make it through. It seems like I'm in a downward spiral of brain farts that make it hard to come up for air, and unfortunately, I can muster nothing better than a meager "excuse me" while my flatulence takes its course without warning. This just in - despite my brain loss, my sense of humor still never ceases to crack me up - too bad I don't get graded on my brilliant personality. Ha. Geez. AAAHHHHH!!! If I only had a brain.... The scarecrow will keep ya'll posted as to the outcome of this frustrating adventure I call life in graduate school...'till then, please pray that I'll reach the top of this mountain rather than fall down the rocky terrain only to see that my climbing was in vain... oh, and thanks for the banana bread lisa - i'll put it in my backpack for when I need some energy on the climb...

miscommunication?

2004-07-20T16:44:00.000-05:00

i realized after my last blog that i left my anxious readers (or at least one person that i know of) confused as to the meaning of parts of my message. no, the "brother in Christ" that i referred to is not a romantic interest, nor was the conversation we had sketchy in that department - it was just very uplifting to me. hope that clarifies :)

expecting the unexpected

2004-07-18T19:54:00.000-05:00

This weekend, I played/sang/led worship for my friend Lindsey and Bobby's wedding in Minnesota. Not only did I learn that Minnesota is probably the land of over 10,000 lakes (they're everywhere), but God really showed me some amazing things that I hope last with me for a lifetime. The first thing was this: God's family is welcoming. I stayed with Lindsey's parents for the few nights that I was in Minneapolis. I was completely and overwhelmingly blessed by their hospitality and the way they really accepted me as part of their family, even though I, with the exception of Christ, am completely different than they are. It was amazing to see. Number two: I never knew how beautiful a kiss could truly be until I watched Lindsey and Bobby kiss for the first time ever on their wedding day. I cannot say that I could or would choose the "no kissing before we get married" thing, but I can say, that I have never witnessed a more intimate, beautiful moment between two God-loving people in my life. It was incredible. And finally: God chooses unexpected people to send His most amazing gifts to His children. I was given the opportunity on the long car (well, truck) ride home to exhort and be exhorted by a brother in Christ. God gave me a precious gift of seeing another person's face light up at the thought that I would find an amazing Godly man to become one with and with whom I would make an impact on people for God. I had no idea God had used me to reveal a part of Himself to this person, and I also never thought that I would come away from this trip respecting and honoring this brother in Christ as much as I do now. I am so blessed, and I pray that God will someday allow me to bless all of you who read this as He has blessed me.

the big bang

2004-07-04T23:03:00.000-05:00

the clappers, the ooh-ers, the ah-ers, the criers, the shhh-ers. to paraphrase jon stewart, the celebration of the day of our independence from england and their dependence on us. i thought one thing as i watched the display of colors and decibel levels flash across the sky at manhattan's cico park tonight. that one thing was simply this: there needs to be an awards ceremony for fireworks. my nutty brain therefore gives awards tonight in the following categories:
most patriotic firework: the one with the star in the middle of a regular firework
most mob-like firework: the one that shoots, then splits off and runs - ironically, the ones who also work and look best in group settings
most confused firework: the one that is half one color and half another
most bling-bling firework: the real sparkley one that poofs and crackles at the end
most drunk firework: the weeping willow one
most conceded firework: the just booming one - it thinks it's so cool because it doesn't have to do anything else but get attention
most multitasking firework: the tri-color, "work within a work," weeping willow, strobe light one - also my favorite
if you would like to add your own awards to the list, please feel free to do so. feel free to comment on any interesting formations of mosquito bites on your body as well. i have no fun formations to report as of yet, but will keep you posted as the bites reveal themselves to me. side note - i saw atchison ks's fireworks on television. they must be a jewish community because that was definitely the festival of lights. i should go there next year - anybody with me?

ephesus

2004-06-08T21:55:00.000-05:00

so i know i said that i'd write real often - so sue me. actually, saying "so sue me" makes me sing that phil collins hit "sussudio." wow - it's been a long time since i pulled that one out. so, new things in my life - well, i did buy that camera, and i'm enjoying it very much, though with me being at a loss of a job for the next two+ months, i think i'll find it hard to want to develop many pictures since money unfortunately drives our society 'round, and rent and food and bills take precedent. i'm officially 23 now as of the first tuesday of june (a.k.a. the first day of june), and i've since determined, well, today actually, that God has much that He wants to teach me this summer. as a result of some jacob's well sermons, the Bible, and my current literary endeavor of "the great divorce" by c.s. lewis, i'm realizing that selfish struggles that i've tried to deal with may actually be examined at their root, worked through, and with the grace of Him who is far greater than I, banished from my thoughts and actions. i've often spoke about the spiritual warfare that i know surrounds and engulfs me, but i think that i've tried too often to fight without putting all my armor on, and often been deceived into thinking i could survive with just part of it. i've seen that i was wrong about that, and realize also as lewis says that, "you cannot take all luggage with you on all journeys; on one journey even your right hand and your right eye may be among the things you have to leave behind." i now find myself facing an uphill battle against the plots of satan but know that despite the armor that may fall off of me at times, "and He must win the battle."

the cha cha...

2004-05-29T21:19:00.000-05:00

last night as suggested by my previous blog, i went line dancing with my grandparents. among other things, i learned how to do a cha cha line dance and i must say, it was a good time minus the melodic selection. this precious, very old couple was there dancing to the beat of their own country music drummer and i got to watch this amazing ballroom dancing couple shake their hips better than the most scantily clad clubsters of my own generation. amazing! on a side note, my extensive research on digital cameras may actually be leading to a near future purchase...i think after much deliberation and prayer (well, not actual prayer per say) i've chosen the ebay route and "i'd say strong, to quite strong" that i will get the best bang for my buck that meets my amateur, yet well intentioned photographic desires. this just in as well: i've realized that the length of my blogs will most definitely be long, and well, probably frequent, so please consider carefully the amount of my words you're prepared to handle on a regular basis because if you so choose to be a frequent visitor to this site, you may consider making the purchase of some reading glasses...

today...

2004-05-28T14:58:00.000-05:00

it's interesting being at home again, even for a short period of time - i feel as if i can't really be myself here. i've changed over the last 5 years being away, and although i love my family, it's as if i feel trapped in this small town. i will not be here for long since this is just a visit, but how i wish that my house felt like home to me. i think there's a song about that...possibly revamped as a result of american idol? not sure...well, i've just managed to put a bummer of a blog up for my first entry. sorry 'bout that. after my random evening of line dancing at the club my grandparents go to tonight, i'm sure i'll have some whopper of a story...until then...